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The blethering goes on...thread 2

976 replies

ElephantOfRisk · 24/11/2021 19:35

Still plenty to chat about. Remember this isn't fight club. Nice chatting required..... Grin

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WouldBeGood · 05/12/2021 19:33

💐 to all the fed up bletherers

shouldistop · 06/12/2021 10:11

Dh and I were meant to be going away for the night on Friday but I don't think we can leave the baby Sad his sleep has been so awful the past couple of nights and even on a good night he's up once or twice. I don't think it's fair for someone else to look after him overnight whilst he's not sleeping, plus I imagine he'll be very upset if it's my MIL going in repeatedly overnight.
I'm absolutely gutted. I really need this break. Dh and I are at each other's throats. My temper is so short when I'm exhausted. Poor ds1 asked me to smile at him this morning.

WouldBeGood · 06/12/2021 10:13

Just leave him @shouldistop, I’m sure he and your mil will be ok for one night, and it’s really important for you and dh to have time together and a break.

shouldistop · 06/12/2021 10:17

I'm just so exhausted and I hate DH just now. I know it's because we're both tired. It's just awful. Even thinking about what to wear or pack is too much for me just now.

ecceromani · 06/12/2021 10:30

What's the worst that can happen @shouldistop ?
Your MIL and baby have a disturbed night and are very tired the next day? You come home and relieve her and she goes home for an early night.
As long as she's a competent, not too elderly grandmother who has good relationships with baby DS she'll be fine.
It's a long winter ahead and you and DH need this break. I'm sure your MIL will want you to go. It's one night, she'll cope.

shouldistop · 06/12/2021 10:38

@ecceromani she has a Christmas night out on the Saturday, I dont think she'll be too happy about getting no sleep Sad
She's pretty competent although she's a very heavy sleeper, I suppose she'd wake even early though as the baby monitor can go up pretty loud.

mapleleavesreturn · 06/12/2021 10:39

Yeah, I agree, the few times dh and I went away for a night when the dc were little thanks to a wonderful babysitter who retired, are very happy important memories.

ecceromani · 06/12/2021 10:42

Ah ok. Christmas night out not idealConfused
Afternoon nap?

WouldBeGood · 06/12/2021 10:43

She’ll be fine! She’s probably my age 🤣

We can tell you what to pack! No decisions necessary 😃

Rae36 · 06/12/2021 10:51

Morning all. I've not been on for bloody ages because life has not been much fun, I've had nothing interesting to say and I've been trying to avoid news, social media, as it just gives me stress.

I feel better reading that everyone else has similar feelings of feeling flat and lacking in energy or enthusiasm. I have so much to do, I'm so behind in everything, but I can't summon up the energy for any of it. Every corner of my house is messy, the Christmas lights needs sorting, the cat flap needs fixing, presents need wrapping, it's just endless and I don't know what to do first.

Mil died last month, she and I weren't close, but dh saw her regularly, the kids were upset, but now it's like she never existed, no-one mentions her ever. Not even dh who has gone into "everything's fine, my family are strong, we'll take this in our stride" mode. So that's weird.

I wonder sometimes if this is what depression feels like? My mental health has always been pretty robust but after all this it wouldn't surprise me if we could pretty much all qualify for a diagnosis of mild depression right now.

We'll all soldier on I'm sure, but it's hard.

Thanks for letting me chat (moan)

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 06/12/2021 11:15

Sorry you're feeling low @Rae36. When MIL died SH's family were a bit the same, it was a long time before people would talk about her. Everyone does now, but it took a while. While I like to take to DC about deceased GPs quite regularly to help keep their memory alive for them.

Would it help to make a list? And have categories - urgent, can wait till after Christmas, outsource it, nice to do but not that important...?

@shouldistop if it helps, my DS was a terrible sleeper for years. He really broke me. Was an absolute angel whenever he stayed with my mum or MIL though. It sounds like you could really do with the break.

WouldBeGood · 06/12/2021 14:27

It is hard @Rae36. I hate that feeling of being overwhelmed by stuff to do. Make a list and pick one thing to do. Then you’ll have started!

*must take my own advice 😃

ssd · 06/12/2021 16:41

I think this year most if us are finding xmas hard. It all falls to us and we're feeling flat and worn out already. Throw in bereavements and a pandemic and its too much.
I want to be ten and go home to mum and dad, and get fed.

WouldBeGood · 06/12/2021 17:22

Aww, @ssd

I do think Christmas was more exciting back in the day. Nowadays we have fancier food/sweets/stuff all year round. Things like making peppermint creams and sweeties and all the trimmings were such a big deal. And we weren’t poor, it was just so so different in the seventies

Rae36 · 06/12/2021 17:24

Thanks for letting me jump back in with all my negativity.

Today my friend told me she'd bought her teenage son who's doing exams this year a cuddly brain cell for his Christmas. Genius. I'm going to shamelessly steal her idea and buy a brain cell for ds. I was struggling to think of something random and fun to buy for him. I think it will make him smile. And maybe bring him some exam luck.

I also raked through all the boxes of crap in the shed to find a timer switch thing then crawled behind the sofa to properly sort out the Christmas lights so I've achieved 2 things today along with all my moaning.

BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 06/12/2021 17:25

@shouldistop can I give you a little bit of advice? My kids are a bit older now (12 and 10) and lately I've been feeling overwhelmed as hell.

They don't go to bed until about 9:30pm so now we get no time to ourselves, I'm knackered from training new starts at work, and I haven't bought a single present yet, or planned a single thing for Christmas dinner.

But last night DH and I went away just for one night, and it's made the biggest difference to how we both feel. Today we feel really much more connected and remember why we actually like each other!

The thing is parenting doesn't necessarily get easier. In six months nobody will remember the one sleepless night, but it could be the one night that makes things better for you right now.

In short - take the night off. Thanks

Haudyourwheesht · 06/12/2021 19:48

Backing up everyone else. DH and I went for a meal the other night and left the kids with my mum. DD was an irritable, crying, pounding on the floor nightmare before we went out and I considered cancelling, but DM marched us out the door, DD brightened very quickly and everyone had a lovely night.
They may be older, but grannies were mummies once.

WouldBeGood · 06/12/2021 20:01

@Rae36 a cuddly brain cell is genius!

shouldistop · 06/12/2021 20:10

I feel a bit better, we got the tree and put the lights etc up so feeling a bit cheerier.
I think we will just go for it on Friday. I'll be so gutted if we don't go and we really do need it. We've not had a whole night together with no kids in almost 2 years.

BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 06/12/2021 20:23

What i try to remember is that once the kids are older and living their own lives, we'll still have a marriage to keep alive. So it deserves a good amount of attention, it's not selfish to prioritise your relationship when you can.

WouldBeGood · 06/12/2021 20:28

Hurray @shouldistop!

Now you can look forward to it properly 😊

ElephantOfRisk · 06/12/2021 20:41

We didn't get a night with no kids until they were both old enough to go on an overnight camp with beavers or Cubs so maybe about 8 or 9 years!

Glad to hear that we are all keeping each other company in our "meh" ness but also still managing to get stuff done.

Tomorrow is another day and hopefully a better one for all.

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Groovee · 06/12/2021 20:54

Ds was a dreadful sleeper yet always slept all night for MIL.

I definitely feel flat. I've been wondering if I've got depression.

WouldBeGood · 06/12/2021 20:56

@Groovee 💐

I mostly feel like I’m in a kind of weird bubble where nothing much really is very good. Like I’m buffered from the world.

Seems lots of us are feeling similar which is weirdly reassuring 😃

ElephantOfRisk · 06/12/2021 21:01

It's so hard to say, I put my "meh" ness down to stress rather than depression.

This is the stress arc, have a look and see if it fits? I think lots of us have ben stressed about all sorts of things and you've had such a difficult year @groovee.

people.nhs.uk/uncategorized/the-stress-arc/

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