The blethering goes on...thread 2

[ElephantOfRisk]

Still plenty to chat about. Remember this isn't fight club. Nice chatting required.....

Oh good tip @prettybird. I’ll try that

I'll add my roasties top tip. Ghee/clarified butter. It has a really high smoke point so you can get it very hot = lovely crispy roasties. Obviously not good for vegans.

😍😍

Buttery potatoes

Hope everyone is doing well.

We're doing our own little version of NZ & Australia's Carols by Candlelight tonight, as part of an advent wander through the world's Christmas traditions (this is our tradition for Oz; NZ's will be making a pavlova). I've made a playlist of (mostly) live versions of Christmas carols and songs, we'll light some candles, and watch it tonight with snacks sitting on rugs on the floor. Mulled wine for DH & me, blackcurrant juice for the children. And NZ treats to share. (Don't have any Aussie ones.)

That sounds a nice day @GrouchyKiwi

Im meeting a friend for coffee then putting rhe decorations up later with dh then we might go out for something to eat as i have a deal pre bought for prezzo

Weather is dreich and miserable. Its depressing really. Im trying to get organised for xmas but the grown up dcs really just want money. Its the wee extras i buy to pad it out that costs money and this year i just cant be faffed.

I get the can't be faffed with it @ssd.

I'm normally all done by now and have a decent pile of stuff for them to open. To be fair a lot of it is usually stuff they need like PJs, underwear, clothes etc or consumables like alcohol, crisps and sweets.

I grudge giving money as they don't spend it (sounds mad I know) but a bank transfer and them just leaving the money there just doesn't seem festive or gifty.

The house needs tidied and decorated, I have stuff to wrap and post, shopping to do and I just can't be bothered with any of it.

Thinking of premium bonds or something instead of money?

I got my work plan for next year and there is no excitement or even interest, just dread for where I will probably fuck it up. Need to have a complete evaluation of everything in the new year I think.

I've got the kids stuff (although none wrapped) but haven't bought a single thing for anyone else. Got 10 people for Christmas dinner and haven't given it a minute's thought. Really should get it together, the weeks seem to be passing in a blink.

@ElephantOfRisk, I'm sorry your work isn't getting any easier. It sounds like you still have the world on your shoulders. Is stepping away completely possible? Then something easy and no pressure at all , just to bring in some money but where you don't have to think about it after finishing? Even like a shop or a supermarket, colleagues to chat to but no pressure to worry about?

[quote ssd]@ElephantOfRisk, I'm sorry your work isn't getting any easier. It sounds like you still have the world on your shoulders. Is stepping away completely possible? Then something easy and no pressure at all , just to bring in some money but where you don't have to think about it after finishing? Even like a shop or a supermarket, colleagues to chat to but no pressure to worry about?[/quote]
That's what i need to look at in the new year. I know retail isn't ideal, but the thought of a job that I turn up to and get on with and go home really appeals when compared to the stress I have in advance, during and after nowadays. I think we tie a lot of our self worth up in our work and when you don't think you are doing a good job, it feels shit.

I like helping people, it makes me feel good knowing I've done a good job. At my age, I'm a lot more patient and understanding than I was 20 years ago. There must be something suitable out there for me.

I think I'm going to try to find a good financial adviser in the new year and see if they can help plot our way round pensions/supporting DC etc etc with a view to downing salary a lot but still having a reasonable standard of living. I'd normally be able to deal with that sort of stuff myself but I can't make important and permanent life choices without proper help as I know I'm not thinking properly.

I actually had a couple of good days last week and then a colleague (without meaning anything) asked me whether i'd done a particular task and I'd forgotten :(. Whilst she then went on to say she'd help me pick that up next week, it just knocked me back again. My resilience is very low.

Och im sorry to hear that. I think seeing a financial advisor is a great idea. And have a think about the things you wouldn't mind 'downsizing', i mean like expensive holidays for something more not basic but less fancy, not having 2 cars, cheaper but still nice meals out using deals etc. I think you'd be amazed at what's doable on a smaller income. I bet a lot of the stuff you'd hardly miss.
Anyway, i really hope you get somewhere with it and can find some contentment. You deserve it

Thanks @ssd.

I know it will be fine. We don't actually spend a lot other than on food. When i'm not stressed I like to cook so we would possibly save some money on that. My biggest expense is the boys Uni but it wouldn't do them any harm to get jobs if required.

I think when you've been brought up in poverty with parents who had to account for every penny, you get a bit paranoid. I've always worked, I've always supported myself and my family and I guess it just feels like I'm failing if I'm not earning a decent salary. I know that's not true though and I know we would be fine but i need to see in black and white what it all means and what can be done with everything.

Anyway, i've moaned enough. Actually going away for a meal and overnight tomorrow as a slightly belated treat for DHs big birthday so looking forward to that. I've started a wee list of christmas things and just ticking off things that i've put aside when i picked them up in sales. Nothing exciting really but it's stuff to wrap once I get the tree up.

There are lots of lights on houses and trees appearing in windows in the estate so I'm sure there will be children getting excited.

I found a couple of Christmas scented diffusers I'd squirrelled away after buying in the January sales which I think I'll break open on Monday. My plan is to clean the Livingroom and find a space for the tree on Monday and get some decorations up.

Sounds like a good plan, both the xmassy decorations and the money stuff. I know exactly what you mean about growing up without money, I'm the same, i see money as security. I have some savings and paid off the mortgage last year, even though we have a low income. I'm good with money as I've never had the chance to be anything else. I'd try to encourage the boys to get jobs. It doesn't need to be lots of hours, i know they are studying. Ds's first job was 4 hours in Greggs, its good for them. Sorry if they have jobs already, i can't remember.

No they don't have jobs already so I think a talk will be happening before DS2 goes back after the holidays. Poor boy isn't even home yet and the lecture is being planned! .

DS1 has been applying for lots of summer placements which he needs for uni and he did go to his volunteering at a coding club today but that's just a couple of hours a month. He did however respond himself to the email telling him it was starting up again and organised going back. That's quite a big step for him and he seemed happy enough when he came home. He has a couple of exams to do before Christmas and hopefully he'll start getting some engagement from the places he's applied to. It would be ideal for that to be sorted before we start making him apply for other jobs.

Apart from the boys and food, our biggest outgoing is council tax so it is very doable but i'd like it to be a gradual reduction rather than a drastic one.

Work wise I'm just going to focus on what I can do up until Christmas and then think about the new year then.

Now trying to do a bit of on-line shopping and tick some things of the not very comprehensive list.

I'm struggling with even trying to get a list together this year. I just don't have the money or patience for it this year at all. And i think having 2 boys for over 20 odd Christmas's , I've bought every stocking filler going.

Yep, me too and I don't want to fill up with more clutter or things that don't get used so I'm going with treats like booze, snacks & sweets/clothes esp DS2/new phone cases/one needs a new wallet and then one bigger gift each, Ds1 was looking at a screen stand for his multiple computer screens and DS2 would like a new headset for his PC.

I'm done with spending hours trying to research stuff that they might like and sometimes getting it wrong.

They are grown men really, not sure why I'm always trying to recreate a Christmas pile as if they were 6.

DH and I are not that bothered about getting gifts so they might be the same anyway 🤷‍♀️

I'm going with the theory that unless they have a particular need, or they want a specific item for a specific purpose, then what men want is replacements for items they have that need replaced or nicer versions of consumables that they may not buy themselves. So nicer bodysprays or booze or whatever.

Let's see if this works.

DH has been looking for a new pair of jeans but wants an in between waist size so I've sourced and ordered those.

He has a few protein shakers but likes the one with the little ball spring thing in but it's in the dishwasher half the time so I've bought him a couple of extra ball things, add in a bottle of booze, some of his favourite sweets and a book I thought he might like and he is sorted. Oh and a wee stand thing for his razor and brush as he's gone back to traditional wet shaving with actual razor blades. That's probably more for me so that he keeps his stuff neatly 😁

Im exactly the same. Im moaning here about it but the boys put absolutely no pressure on me to get them anything. Its me trying to create the perfect family Christmas that they probably grew out of years ago. We dont have any family here and i always feel the pressure to create something magical when its always just the 4 of us, but no one else seems to care.
I think its nostalgia for the past, or for something I've never had, a big family Xmas. I didn't have it in the past either.

I need to get the tree up today too.
Just can't be arsed, don't know what is wrong with me. Feel really down.

Oh, @ssd that’s a shame.

I’ve been down too, but went to a lovely chilled festive yoga workshop today with DD and I’m really feeling almost human now.

I'm watching the Holiday on netflix - didn't really rate it the first time I watched it but it's working as a distraction from, well, everything else. Kids have exams before christmas so I'm keeping the house as quiet as possible.

Film and a glass of wine, my tip for a bit of distraction from the news. Plus i have a shepherds pie in the oven that i prepped last night. 🍷

I've been feeling low today as well. Must be something in the air. and for all.

Had a good cry earlier. The children have been so difficult, I've been trying really hard to make things nice for them but they're constantly fighting and being awful, and bedtime is atrocious. The older two were still awake at nearly 11pm last night. Just feeling stressed and over it all.

DH stayed home from his hobby this afternoon and took the children out for a few hours to wander in the fresh air, giving me a break and time to tidy & clean (which always helps me feel better) so am back on an even keel now.

I've noticed mine have got end of termitis now - definite increase in the grumps and tiredness. Two more weeks...

Not been on here in ages. I'm all over the place as we approach the first anniversary of losing my dad.

I've got some decs up but not the tree. The decorating has been going well. Getting there with it and may have found a sofa too.

Only 4 more work days to go. We're experiencing lots of post lockdown and Covid behaviour which has been tough going. Hopefully soon things will settle with, love and nurture.

Groovee so sorry, all these firsts coming at once. Covid behaviour is real, ww can understand it and try to support, guide etc but sometimes it's really hard. We are people as well as professionals and are still working through our own experiences.

Wouldbe so glad you went and you enjoyed it. I went to Edinburgh yesterday and it was great. Mobbed, freezing, overpriced and so delightfully peopley .

I then was contact traced today, but was from last week . Am I an arsehole because WFH tomorrow is exactly what I need?

SSD I felt emotionally void putting tree and decs up. I am normally a snottery mess hanging up all the wee ornaments and indulging my memories. I never want to be that soulless again.