Requesting time off in school term time for a holiday

[VikSoph]

Hi there!

So a bit of background:
My dad was diagnosed with cancer last year. He is currently undergoing treatment, but the outlook is uncertain for now.
As a family, we have made the decision not to tell my son (11 years old) about his grandfather's diagnosis just yet because we feel it would be unnecessary to upset or worry him unless we absolutely have to.

When I was a teenager, we went on a holiday family to Egypt. That was the last family holiday we went on all together before we grew up and all flew the nest.
My dad got quite emotional reminiscing about this holiday the other day and asked me if he could take my son away for a week to Egypt, just the two of them. He's understandably quite scared about what the future holds and he said he really wants to give his grandson a lasting memory of him by taking him on holiday.

This diagnosis has been such an eye-opener for the whole family. It's smacked us so hard with the realisation that we really are all on such borrowed time and we really need to make the most of our loved ones whilst we still have the chance to.

I have therefore made the decision I am happy for my dad to take my son on holiday. He is currently in his first year of high school.
My dad wants to take him away the last week of September/going into early October. So by this point, my son will be 12 and in his second year of high school.

I just wondered if anyone has any advice on how I handle this with the school?
I have no intention of lying to the school and pretending he's sick or anything like that, because I don't want to encourage my son to lie. But I just wanted to check if anyone else has been in a similar position and whether the school is likely to accept my request?

Schools basically aren't allowed to approve requests any more. Just factor in the fine as part of the cost

Sorry to hear about your dad. The school is unlikely to agree. They could go at half term and not miss school. I’d be a bit worried about travel insurance though! And keeping things from your son, it sounds a bit intense for him - couldn’t you all go something together?

Just do it, school don’t own your child. You may get fined, you may not, just don’t worry about it.

Wouldn’t a family holiday including your dad be a better option though?

Ours did last tour for the week after half term. Went to India

School will refuse, they legally have to as this won't count as extenuating circumstances.

I'd take him anyway and in the unlikely event of a fine, be prepared to pay it.

Why can't he take him in the October half term?

I think there are better and safer ways for your Father and son to make memories together.

An overseas trip is a huge risk, should your father be taken ill it’s a huge responsibility for a 12 year old boy.

It depends on the school. In my experience in the area I live in, the secondary schools wouldn't authorise the holiday. The primary school that I work at, probably would allow the holiday. All you can do is ask, but fully expect the answer to be no, and factor in the cost of being fined.

I’ve seen a school approve something similiar before but it was only because there was a small window of opportunity to go on holiday due cancer treatment. This was supported by a letter from the hospital. Is there any reason they can’t go May half term?

This was my first thought. I don't understand why he would think it sensible to take him alone on such a trip when he is so unwell especially as he's never done so before. Surely it would make more sense to go together and all make memories.

I also doubt the school would approve it. The first question they would quite rightly ask is is there any particular reason it can't happen in May half term, the whole of the summer or October half term?

The schools attendance policy will be on their website. It will loosely detail what they will, and won’t authorise (as a Pp says, some schools don’t authorised any absence except illness). Don’t miss this opportunity with your dad, worst case scenario is that you have to pay the fine-if you’ve not been fined before, it’s not much.

They won't be able to authorise it and will be legally obliged to send you paperwork about it but I am sure on a personal level they will totally understand.

Has your Dad looked into the potential costs of travel insurance?

What? Have I read it right that you are intending for your ill father to take your child off abroad so far away whilst said child is unaware that the adult in charge is ill?

This wouldn't be his first time alone with my son. My parents actually live in France, and my son has spent a lot of time out there on holiday with them. He's just got back after spending a week with them in the Easter holidays, so he's very comfortable and happy spending time with them.

I also think maybe I haven't done a great job of painting the picture with the cancer diagnosis. The treatments are the only thing that knock him out. He's usually quite weak for a few days after, but then his energy levels replenish and he's fine until the next bout of treatment.
He's not unwell to the point where he would struggle to look after my son otherwise this trip would obviously be 100% out of the question.

The only reason is pricing really. We did look at May and October half term, but the prices were silly in the holidays compared to term time.

What if the GP gets covid or a nasty bug on the plane or over there and gets very sick.

I think you should go too.

Not worried about taking time off school.

Given your update this sounds even more of an odd idea to be honest. He will already have lasting memories of holidying with his granddad if he's regularly travelling independently to France to spend half terms and holidays with him.

I'd totally take him out of school and let him go and pay the fine if needed. But there's no way I'd let them go alone. In France there are presumably other people he knows around and your son is familiar with the place . If your father is taken suddenly ill what on earth would happen to your son until you can get out there?

If you don't want to ruin your Dad's dream, then personally I would fly out myself and stay in a nearby hotel, you don't even need to tell them necessarily. Is your job one where you could work remotely for the week?

I would still be a bit weary of the health side. My step dad got ill in Egypt and the hospital he was admitted to was horrific (even with good insurance). Even if it’s a risk your dad is willing to take it would be a huge responsibility and upset for your son.

How will your son react when he finds out about the diagnosis? Will he be ok with the fact you’ve kept it from him?

The prices are more expensive in school hols but time together is priceless. Could you pay the difference between term-time / holiday prices?

Sorry you father is ill but unfortunately family illness is not uncommon & if schools started granting holidays to accommodate it would be chaos - plus if you think about it - a nightmare to verify.

First thing your dad would need to do is check he can be insured and how much it costs. Plus is it realistic he can do activities he wants to with his illness, is he into scuba-diving?

Like pp said your son will definitely have happy memories of visiting him in France regardless.

Yes this. Egypt is not good for a 12 year to navigate dealing with a poorly relative. I think you should go too.

Edit: Just seen the bit about France and I assume your parents speak French. Does your dad or your son speak any Arabic?

Does he have to go for a full week? Doesn't the fine kick in at 5 days or 10 sessions? Could he go monday evening/late afternoon after registration and then come back the Sunday? Slightly less than a week and no fine. Just tell the school. It'll be unauthorised but nothing they can do about it.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to send your dc alone to Egypt on holiday with your dad who you feel is ill enough with cancer that the future is uncertain. Will he be able to get holiday insurance? What happens if he gets a bug (pretty common) and will a compromised immune system it knocks him.
i don’t think school is the issue here.