Requesting time off in school term time for a holiday

[VikSoph]

Hi there!

So a bit of background:
My dad was diagnosed with cancer last year. He is currently undergoing treatment, but the outlook is uncertain for now.
As a family, we have made the decision not to tell my son (11 years old) about his grandfather's diagnosis just yet because we feel it would be unnecessary to upset or worry him unless we absolutely have to.

When I was a teenager, we went on a holiday family to Egypt. That was the last family holiday we went on all together before we grew up and all flew the nest.
My dad got quite emotional reminiscing about this holiday the other day and asked me if he could take my son away for a week to Egypt, just the two of them. He's understandably quite scared about what the future holds and he said he really wants to give his grandson a lasting memory of him by taking him on holiday.

This diagnosis has been such an eye-opener for the whole family. It's smacked us so hard with the realisation that we really are all on such borrowed time and we really need to make the most of our loved ones whilst we still have the chance to.

I have therefore made the decision I am happy for my dad to take my son on holiday. He is currently in his first year of high school.
My dad wants to take him away the last week of September/going into early October. So by this point, my son will be 12 and in his second year of high school.

I just wondered if anyone has any advice on how I handle this with the school?
I have no intention of lying to the school and pretending he's sick or anything like that, because I don't want to encourage my son to lie. But I just wanted to check if anyone else has been in a similar position and whether the school is likely to accept my request?

We took our DC out of school for a family holiday last September into October after having 3 close bereavements. School didn't approve the holiday - we went anyway. The fine came through about 4 months later, which we expected

Just take him and factor in the fine. Although you wouldn’t always know it, school isn’t a prison.

Let him go and pay the fine, if required. Schools are underfunded and massively overstretched but still somehow assumed to know what’s best for an individual person? The school doesn’t know op, you do.

Is it wise? What if your Dad becomes unwell during the vacation? Would it not be best to go on a holiday all together, rather than risk putting your son under pressure? Does your son want to miss school? Insurance costs? Lots to think about.

I’d have no issue paying the fine for this as it would be a priority for me in this situation. I ‘would’ however have a massive issue sending my child to Egypt with an unwell relative who he doesn’t even know is unwell. That could be hideously traumatic for him if he needs to navigate a city on his own if something happens. and depending on where in Egypt they are thinking, perhaps even more difficult than I’m picturing. My daughter is 12 and there’s no chance I’d do this - my husband or I would go as well.

I am sorry about your Dad but you want to take your son out of school to save money on a holiday, end of.
I am not judging that, I have done it myself but it won't be approved and you may be fined
However, the fine may be less than you will save so decide if its worth it

Good point
Egypt isn't like Europe (obvs) and if I was sending my DC away with someone else it would not be to Egypt

(As an aside I do encourage you to revisit the idea of hiding this from your son. As I said my daughter is 12 and I have a younger child as well. My father in law is undergoing chemo right now and has an uncertain future and we have told the kids a version of the truth. We live overseas and my daughter has anxiety and other mental health challenges but she is handling it very well. You know your kid best of course but if you have any intention of your child being alone with his grandfather it will be tricky to continue to lie and could be quite upsetting if he finds out accidentally)

If they’re going to Egypt they need someone else to go with them. If your Dad does become unwell it’s quite possibly one of the worst places for healthcare and your son would be in a really difficult and vulnerable situation. I have complex health needs and I would never go to Egypt now. Even if your dads cancer is stable he could be taken ill (happens frequently there) and the cancer could become a serious issue quite quickly - drug interactions etc. It would also be important for your son to know your dad’s medical history (ie the cancer) incase he is taken ill and needs to communicate this to medical staff.

I honestly think the school issue is the least of your worries. We take a term time holiday every year due to my son’s complex autism and my health needs and we just assume we’ll pay any fines when we get back.

How about travel insurance too? Have you thought this through if either becomes ill and needs hospitalisation and the other person becomes the contact with your family in uk / France

I think l this is a terrible idea but the term time holiday is the least worst part of it.

Egypt isn't exactly known for its healthcare system and lots of healthy visitors fall ill there, madness to think your Dad will be ok to do this trip health wise. It's even crazier for his sole travel companion to be a 12 year old who doesn't even know his Grandad's health situation.

Why does it need to be Egypt specifically and why is your Dad so keen on it just being him and your son alone?

This is an absolutely terrible idea and that’s not because your child will be missing school. I can’t believe that you think this is in any way a safe or sensible plan: to send your 12 year old son on holiday with no one but his ill grandparent, without telling him that said grandparent is ill.

Please tell me that your child and your father are at least fluent in Arabic so that if the worst happens and they have to negotiate the healthcare system, they can understand what they are being told. And that you are confident that your child would be able to handle your father needing admittance to hospital alone (with all the communication with doctors and insurance companies, and paperwork and forms that that would entail) without an adult there to support him. And bearing in mind that, since no one has told him about his grandfather’s condition, any need for hospital will come completely out of the blue.

It’s not something I would find easy but I guess you know your DS best!

Go for the holiday but i would not do it in September when he is first year of high school as kids are still making friendships and getting used to stuff. Doing in November possible would be better. I took my kids out all the time - different times - and it was always worth it and no negative impact on them.

Sending a child on holiday with someone undergoing cancer treatment to Egypt sounds like a recipe for disaster. First of all, I would doubt that your DF would get travel insurance due to his diagnosis and ongoing treatment - and going without insurance in his situation would be madness. Would your DS cope if his grandad became unwell on holiday? Second, Egypt is currently considered to be quite a risky destination at the moment - I certainly wouldn’t like to be going there at all currently.

Just as an aside there is nothing worse than having information kept from you. I don’t know why you haven’t told him that his grandad is ill. He could lose all trust in you when he finds out.

Who cares whether they would approve it or not; I wouldn’t even consider that as part of my decision making just tell them he’s going & pay fine if there is one. They don’t give a damn about your child’s education just their attendance record.

I wouldn't care about the school, just calcul in the fine when planning.
Why does your dad think it's a good idea to go to Egypt while sick though ? He's susceptible to become really ill if he's immunocompromised and hospitals in Egypt are not as in France/UK. And what would happen to your son? It's a recipe for a potential catastrophy. Just let your son go to their home in France to make memories where you know he and your father are safe. I honestly think you would be irresponsible to let your father take him (unless you go with them).

His immune system will be severely compromised and if he gets food poisoning, quite likely in my experience,it will hit him very hard, tough for a child to handle. I assume he has travel insurance but this will exclude anything they can link to his diagnosis, and link it they will.

No, I don't think this is a good idea. Your dad could end up poorly in Egypt with only a 12yr old to help him. No way would my child be going. Your dad has rose tinted glasses on.

You either all go or it doesn't happen. Your dad's insurance will be sky high too.

Food poisoning and upset stomachs are very common for tourists going to Egypt. Tolerable for most healthy people for someone who is immunocompromised it could be very dangerous. Do you really want your 12 year old to have to deal with that on his own? Sorry OP but I think you and your Dad are being unrealistic.

Completely agree with this. As much as it’s an emotional situation and you want your kid to have good memories, this is really not something I would do. What if the memories end up being stuck alone in Egypt with a collapsed grandparent not knowing what to do? You can’t possibly know how your dad will be feeling in October. How the treatment might interact with him long term, whether things will escalate. I couldn’t do that to my 12 year old for the sake of potential good memories which he already has from regular visits to France anyway.

Just tell school child will be absent from x date until x date, if it’s over a week, you will be fined depending on your local authorities rules, here you would be fined per parent, per child. Schools have no say in this in even these sad circumstances. The fine is cheaper than the uplift in cost to travel at half term. Make sure they have travel insurance, that will be expensive for your dad, so get quotes before they book, usually UK travel policies only cover trip that start and end in the UK. This is something to consider if repatriation was required, if your dad’s home is in France. I hope they have a lovely trip.

I agree with the others who say this is a terrible idea. You have no idea how your father will be in 3 months time, and if he falls ill while he’s there then that’s going to be far too much for a child to deal with. Would he even get travel insurance?
With respect, people do live with cancer and I know from experience how difficult it can be, but taking a child to a foreign country on your own for a holiday while you’re having treatment for it is not sensible at all - especially when that country’s healthcare system isn’t as good as your own. Could they not stay in France and go to one of the many lovely places there on holiday?

Im so sorry about your dad’s diagnosis. But I agree with everyone saying this is not a good idea. How about you get the whole family together for a special villa holiday somewhere. Or you go to Egypt too if he’s set on it. I would be more worried about my dad going and getting ill than school fines and the cost.

I’m with the majority. The fine isn’t the issue it is a solo holiday with an ill relative. You say he is well enough now between treatments but will that still be the case in 6 months time? You say yourself the outlook is uncertain so you really don’t know how this is going to go.

Plus insurance and the possibility of him becoming ill when abroad with only a 12 year old for company.

You son has the most important memories already - spending quality time with his grandparents and knowing he is loved is worth so much more that a 1 week holiday.

If you dad want some 1-2-1time with your son, do it during the summer when he is usually over there. Do an extra special trip in France,it is the time together that makes trips special not destinations.