I hate living like this

[Stressedoutmummyof3]

I hate my life. I hate my husband. The only person I don't hate are my kids.
I'd never have agreed to stay at home if I'd known things were going to get so bad.
No I can't go back to work unless someone can find me a job TTO that only requires 2 hours a day.
I just hate it. I wish I'd made my husband because the SAHP just so he'd get it but he never will. Not that he cares anyway.

Of course you can get back to work, for as many hours as you want or need, and if your marriage is as bad as you sounds, not only can you, but you should prioritise it. What field did you work in before you became a SAHP?

Break down the reasons as to why you can’t go back to work
because it sounds like you really need to

Why do you need a term time only job that requires two hours a day?

If you can say a bit more about this, I'm sure you'll get some advice.

Use the before and after school provision and go back to work properly. What sort of work would you do?

The hours you want to work can be done in a school kitchen or as a dinner lady. The pay isn’t great, but it might be a start in rebuilding your life.

Can you say more about what's going on with your relationship? Your husband doesn't care about how you feel at the moment?

Why do you hate your husband op? What's going on?

Do you want to talk about it op? I was a SAHM and hated my life (loved my babies) but hated my life, things are much better since I started working again and I went to college as well.

Keep talking if it helps, I didn't have anyone to talk to x

I suspect you're going to say 'It's not worth going back to work because anything you earn will be spent on childcare'.

However, you're not the only person responsible for childcare costs so once your husband pays his bit, it will be worth it.

Plus, you won't need to be paying it forever so far better to get yourself into work now if that's what you need.

Why would you only be able to do two hours a day TTO? What’s going on with your husband?

Playground supervisor? Lunchtime assistant? Lollypop lady? Such hours do exist! But I think there’s a lot more going on.

Why would you be limited to 2 hours a day?
If you wanted to go back to work you could, you’re choosing not to but it’s not the same thing.

My DS has extreme special needs. LA have rejected our request for a SEN school which I am appealing but it's taking ages so he's only doing 2 hours a day at school (he was doing 3 but couldn't cope).
I feel life is an endless cycle of appointments, phone calls, cleaning (especially DSs bedroom as he removes his nappy at night and smears) before running back to school to pick up.
DH doesn't care, he says he does but his actions don't reflect that. Every time I ask for help he says it's your job you're at home all day (yes with an autistic 5 year old who doesn't understand)
I have been feeling this way for ages. Forget about working weekends or evenings. I tried that and lasted 3 weeks. DH doesn't want me to work but I don't know why (no financial abuse or anything).

Im sorry op... that sounds really hard. Sorry to sound like a cliché but are there any sen groups near you where you could meet other mums/families in a similar situation? I totally agree and understand that working would probably be really difficult in terms of logistics and childcare for you. Is your DH although maybe not very understanding of how you're feeling, otherwise a good guy?

That sounds so so hard, I'm really sorry you're in this situation and hope things get better for you

Hating your husband is a horrific circumstance to live in. It's possible you're directing all your resentment, at the unavoidable demands of your son, on to your husband?
If you have the same earning potential as your husband, then you need to tell him you want to swap roles. Though if the hatred is real, and not just a temporary crisis response, then separating and sharing work and child care is the necessary route.

Hello op I'm also searching for that unicorn term time only a few hours very flexible from the start job. Can I suggest you repost on the sen board?

You will get more tailored advice
Most people don't understand in most cases sen childcare just doesn't exist or it's insanely expensive nanny.

It's an incredibly difficult situation op. I myself have needed to greive what I thought my life might be like. I do think your husband sounds like a big issue. But I appreciate its not so simple as leave him.

At a guess I'd say he doesn't want you to work because he wouldn't cope with you DS's care needs while you do. I think you need to approach your council for a carers assesment, with a view to some rest restbite, and also appeal your sons school placement. Does he have an EHCP? You could call for an early annual review on the ground that his needs are not being met. Does your DS get DLA and do you get carers allowance?

It's not usually a good idea to make big decisions while your in crisis/ survival mode, but if you relationship with your husband has got to the point where you hate him, theres not really a way back from that. If you were to split, would he co-parent / split care, at least you would get a break while the DC are at their dads.

theres a good SEN chat on another baord at the minute op, come on over, it's a supportive place.

Sorry to say my ex checked out of caring for our SEN dc, all I needed was him on my side, I did all the actual life admin, care and mum stuff, but even that was a no, I am not suggesting you split, that is just what happened and I am not hating my life anymore - life is quite peaceful, despite the SEN system not having capacity for the DCs needs (so I flexi and juggle it all). I just needed my spouse to say "you're doing a good job/can I do anything/do you need anything" and he just minimised my feelings.

Not letting you work is economic abuse op. x

Tell your dh if he doesnt put the effort in to help you will file for divorce and then he’ll have no choice but to help as he’ll be having the kids every other weekend!!

This is ok in theory but the truth is, men do have choice and he, as many do, could just refuse.

Then she gets maintenance at the full whack if he doesnt have them and uses that to employ some help.
As a SEN parent myself with two sen kids, nothing pisses me off more than one parent being shit and ducking out of their responsibilities. It takes two to make a baby, not just one.

Why should it be like that? Why can't it be the OP who has the every other weekend?

We have no idea whether the op will be better off as a lone parent with maintenance or staying with her husband. Even with some money, finding childcare for a child with severe Sen is easier said than done.

If only life was so simple right. And how would it help the op to have less financial support but have sole care of the kids for 12 days out of 14. She’s unemployed as she can’t work right now, divorcing her husband and having every other weekend free isn’t going to help her change that.

op, I’m sorry this is so hard, I think this is about resentment building up with your husband due to your child’s additional needs.

can you explain what kind of help you ask him for? Is it evening or weekend or during the day, does he do anything in the evenings or weekends?