Is this just the life of a SAHM?

[Stressedoutmummyof3]

What happens in your house when you as the SAHP are sick? DD2 brought diarrhea home last week, DH caught it yesterday and now I have it.
It doesn't seem too bad (they both had it for a bit less than 24 hours) so hopefully by tomorrow afternoon I'll be okay.
DH had yesterday and today off sick and I asked after I was ill if he could take 30 minutes dependency leave tomorrow to take DS to school and hopefully I'll be fine for pick up after lunch.
Straight away no. Not a reason just no. I don't have anyone else. Older kids will be at college and work. Don't know any of the mum's at school because DS does reduced hours so never see them at drop off (and think it would be very cheeky to expect a parent I don't even know to make a separate trip to drop DS off.) I guess if he won't do it I'll just have to keep DS home but it's really unfair. I did everything yesterday and this morning but when I'm ill I either have to risk having an accident on the school run or keep DS home and get no rest. He has severe special needs so it's not like he'll just sit quietly and watch a DVD or something.
I just feel a bit pissed off. I might be fine by tomorrow but I don't want to risk going to school and back twice if my stomach is still bad.
Is this just the life of a SAHM?

Very disrespectful of him and shows how little he values you

I’m on Mat leave at the moment (4 month old baby) and my husband has told his boss that he is working from home whilst I recover from gallbladder removal last week. I can’t lift the baby and I wasn’t up for school runs with our 4 year old last week.

it wasn’t even a question, he just told them.

appreciate your dh can’t work from home but if he has paid leave available he should’ve taken it. To not even ask would’ve really upset me

DH worked away when our children were small so I just had to soldier on to be honest 😩 if you're really not well enough to do the school run, you'll have to keep little one home and stick the tv on to entertain him, it won't hurt for one day! Hope you feel better soon 💐

When I have a vomiting bug I’m barely fit to drive. Not a sahp myself but I wouldn’t put up with this. I just think it’s very selfish behaviour from him.

I do understand that some mum's have no option but to carry on due to their partners work but DH has a flexible job and he could take the time off he just can't be arsed.
I'm absolutely dreading tomorrow (unless I wake up feeling better) because I love DS but he's very hard work, especially when I'm feeling rough. Not helped by the fact he has an inset day on Friday so his routine will be totally shot.
Not much I can do though, just pray it passes quickly.

I don’t think this is the life of a SAHP, I work full time and my DH wouldn’t do it for me, was bad enough after I had major surgery feeling like a massive inconvenience for not being able to get downstairs unaided for 2 weeks. It’s a husband problem, selfish and lacking empathy.

He can't take 30 minutes off work to take your complex child to school while you are hanging out of your bum 😕

He would rather both you and your child be negatively impacted?

Really showing how much he values you.

To other posters saying they had no option because of partners working away or being solo parents that is very different. In those situations there isn't a choice, you have to do what you can. Note, I'm a solo parent of complex kids with no support so I get it.

Sorry but I don’t think I’d ask my DH to take time off work just for diarrhoea. Maybe if it was so bad I was visiting the toilet every 15 minutes, are you? To the extent you’d be worried about not being near a toilet? Or if I was also puking rings round myself, or it was a particularly long journey. If all these things apply then he really should be stepping up and using his dependency leave but if not I think I’d prefer he saved it for more serious reasons.

Your DH is being unreasonable. He shouldn’t have said no. With the flexibility he has and circumstances you’ve described, he should have not only not said no, but should have offered to take your DS to school.
I’m a SAHM/WAHM. I work a bit but choose my own hours. So ordinarily we operate that I’m responsible for the kids during the week until he gets home. But if I’m unwell, have a medical appt, one of the kids has something medical/urgent, then he steps up and we work together to make it work.
Honestly, I wouldn’t give him a choice. This would be a deal breaker for me. Esp if it’s not the first time.

This is appalling. Ask him why he wouldn’t be able to. Ask him if he would have felt up to doing the school run yesterday when he was shitting himself. If he loves you, he ought to listen to you and see your point of view and care enough to help you out. If he still says no, put your foot down and tell him he’s got to because you’re too unwell to do it and that’s the job of a father and husband. And if he still says no, fuck off to a hotel to recuperate in peace.

I guess the problem with a SAHP set-up is that you are both very much dependent on his job. If he has just taken sick leave he probably doesn't feel like he should take more leave, even if he could. I'm the breadwinner in our house and would expect DH to get on with it unless he was at death's door.

Been there and you just get on with it unfortunately. My hubby had 2 jobs so I was mostly on my own

I’m a SAHM and my DH would absolutely help out in this situation. I think his attitude is indicative of his feelings for you.

It's the life of default/single parents who work too. The children still need taking care of when a parent works.
Your DH is being an arse though. My DH had to take a few days of work when I came down with the flu during maternity leave.

Definitely not just the life of a SAHM. DH would try to rearrange things if I was ill. It might not be possible, but it usually is and he'd definitely try.

I do get that but if you were ill for two days and then your DH came down with the same thing would you not do something to help. I'm asking him to take DS to school, not take the day off.

My husband would rearrange things in a heartbeat, I wouldn't even have to ask he'd just sort it with work.and if he said no to doing such a simple task that he has paid leave for I'd definitely be considering my choice of husband. We are a team and that's how we role.

I'm the worker in our family, DH stays home. I've taken time off to do school run when he's ill and sometimes the whole day. My work place is fairly flexible but when it can't be, I take a day instead of a few hours

What an arsehole

Ha, if I was sick and unable to look after my kid, my husband was told you're taking the day off, no buts or excuses. You accepted something from him unacceptable.

Totally unreasonable. Surely a quick message to his boss just saying I'll be back into today asap but DW currently vomiting so having to take DC to school first should be fine given flexibility of his role.

I always try to avoid DH taking time off work to cover when I'm sick as I'd rather his time off was used for other things. So if it was a question of me being in bed and him home or me being on the couch and vaguely supervising the kids while they watched too much TV, we'd pick the too much TV option. However, the kids having to miss school would be considered pretty unacceptable. Might have done it if he'd had a really important meeting that couldn't be postponed, but it would have to be the sort of thing where him being sick would still have had him dragging himself into work for.

Agree with PP that his automatic no and refusal to discuss is a huge red flag. It's a complete abuse of his position and a disregard for everyone else in the family. If he can't see that, I would be looking to get back to work yourself, OP, and then, eventually, getting rid of him. He is letting you know you have no power, I don't see how a relationship can survive that.

OP was only asking if the DH could go in a tad later. To not to do this when he has a flexible job in my opinion is not very nice. Would he have wanted OP to go out for the day and leave him with the DC when he was ill the other day?

I'd be disgusted he didn't ask considering he took the time off for himself. Appalling lack of consideration.

I'm currently at home with the kids and when I'm too ill to leave the house, DH wfh and does drop off and pick up.

So his work is flexible and actually has specific leave in place for these types of scenario? Really weird and quite mean-spirited to immediately say no.

My DH was a bit like this (and can still go into auto response, TBH). He used to claim his employer is totally inflexible when I'd suggest a minor thing that would help the family (for example, go in 30 mins late once every 3 months), but he'd easily be able to pop out for an hour or two for other people (to run errands or do favours for parents, brother, friends). The reality was he didn't like to inconvenience himself for me/dc. We had to have a robust conversation about that.

I work full time BTW, and have a significantly more stressful job with more responsibility. My workplace is more flexible in general, which helps family life - but that doesn't mean I should always pick up the slack. As a SAHP, you deserve some slack too.