Weird one. Embarrassed to use nursery when I don’t work?

[BabyLlamaZen]

We agreed to put my toddler in nursey two mornings a week so that I get a break in the week. Up until recently Ive been exhausted doing all SAHM duties including with sen child who only recently started doing full time school (his first year was ehcp, school refusal, reduced timetable etc and I was up there multiple times a day). Both kids up and down all night. Weekends is a lot of chores and trying to let DH get some downtime as he commutes 5 days a week. So those nursery mornings are for me to get as many chores done as possible as well as any personal appointments and admin. And I guess Im also starting to try and exercise and have time for ‘me’. They go fast tbh anyway.

But I still feel weird and guilty when I talk to other mums who work and it feels crazy to think I actually use nursery when I dont work. I had one person recently raise her eyebrows at me when I said Im a SAHM and then that I still use nursery. So I felt like I had to sit there and explain all my reasons.

I have a friend in a similar situation to me (and her oldest isnt even sen and can do clubs) and her point was that just because most women have it shit and have no time for theirselves doesnt mean I should feel guilty and make myself suffer more than I need to. And although I agree with her I still feel guilty!

Im meeting up with three mum friends next week - all work full time- and I already feel pathetic about my life and guilty:(

I know Im lucky with money btw, despite all the issues weve had. Im not sure what I want from this thread.

?? That has literally never occurred to me. These things usually come from within - does a part of you judge SAHMs for using childcare?? I was a SAHM for 9 years and all my kids did 2 days nursery. Besides any other reasons, it meant they got a full program of fun (and messy) activities surrounded by friends and qualified practitioners.

I used a nursery as a SAHM from age 2 - all of the other SAHP I knew did too (wealthy area). Don’t worry about it. And you don’t need to get into details with your friends. I work FT now, I don’t regret giving myself a couple of half days break years ago for my mental health

's fine in my eyes! Sounds like you have a lot on your plate and nursery can be really beneficial for lots of reasons for your DC. Let judgy eyebrows go to town.

I’d save the money on nursery and pay a cleaner but maybe that’s just me 🤣

I managed to do it for a bit. Great for dc and life saver for me.

Don't ask on here for permission. You won't get it I'm sure (though the first two replies are uncharacteristically supportive). It is so hard looking after kids whatever you circumstances that any opportunity to rebuild yourself should be grabbed with both hands. Your health and wellbeing is important.

I mean this in the nicest way possible, but honestly nobody gives a crap what you do!! It’s never bothered me how others decide to sort childcare - I doubt it has bothered you how others do it either!

As the others have said, absolutely don't feel guilty about this. If it helps, I work in children's policy and all the research shows really clearly that childcare is beneficial for small children in all sorts of ways but particularly their social development.

Nursery is 100% fantastic for small children, you are socialising them. Think of it that way.. and DO NOT waste your free time feeling guilty ffs. Use it wisely, why wouldn’t you?

But you do work! The sooner we stop down playing motherhood and how difficult. Being a mum to a SEN child is hard and you deserve to have some time for you. Please dont think boil it down to nothing. This is work.

My children both went to nursery for three mornings when they were toddlers. I wasn't working. DH worked all hours and was never ever home for bedtime.

Dare I say I also had a cleaner.

I did this, it was good for me, and some fun for the kids. They had 2 mornings a week from age 2, going up to 3 at age 3, then 5 mornings in the year before school. They loved it. I loved it. They were well ready and prepared for school. Don’t hesitate!

The 15 hours has been a thing for years hasn't it and it's universal so why would you feel guilty.

Omg no, mums judge eachother no matter what so forget that other parent who you felt judged you. She was probably deep down envious! I work FT & would joke about being envious with you if we met during pick up/drop off, but I also couldn’t be a SAHM as I know it’s harder. I had DD in for a morning a week whilst I was on MAT, partially to get some stuff done, partially for a break and partially so she was comfortable going ready for back to work. Never feel guilty but do always remember how lucky you are you can’t go far wrong!

2 mornings a week- what's that 6hrs home alone? When you're still up doing nights and seemingly doing the majority of stuff at the weekend?

The only part that sounds unreasonable is the weekend being downtime for your dp. You're with the kids all week, day and night- he should be giving your the break and sharing chores.

Er, surely nursery is important for all children - it helps them socialise, begin their learning, make friends etc. It's not just somewhere to send children because parents are at work. If anything, I think I'd be increasing the number of nursery hours per week, so that your child can get the full benefit.

@BabyLlamaZen if it makes you feel better my dc are in school & I work 3 days a week. I'm also TTO but put them into camps etc during holidays.

Gosh don't feel guilty. I think nursery is good for them - the whole set-up is designed for their needs; much better than coming with you on errands etc.

I work full time (currently on mat leave) with DC2 however I certainly wouldn’t judge you! It’s good for them to meet other children and socialise and you need a break too! P.s before I had kids I thought stay at home mum’s had it easy, I quickly realised after my first it is wayyy harder than working..please don’t feel guilty and don’t let anyone make you feel that way either :)

You need to stop giving a damn about what anyone else thinks about what works for your family and stop explaining yourself!
I haven't worked since I had my eldest 6 years ago and the judgement from friends and family nevermind strangers is ridiculous, I just don't speak about it with them anymore it is none of their business.
2 yo DD goes to nursery 2 mornings a week, my DH works offshore and if I didn't have those couple of mornings to do what I needed to do every week I think I'd actually be insane.
Do what works for you and stuff everyone else, you might not be getting paid for it but you work bloody hard op!

Not something I would do, I loved spending time with my children, children thrive in home environments not institutions hence why most countries abroad children don’t go to school until they are 7.
No idea why people need me time, plenty of time for that when kids leave home.
Of course people will judge you, everyone judges everyone you are kidding yourself if you think they don’t.

SAHMs definitely need a break! 2 free mornings isn’t a lot. I don’t get this expectation that SAHM should be with their kids 24/7

No idea why people need me time, plenty of time for that when kids leave home.

Mother have never been expected to be with their dc 24/7

hence why most countries abroad children don’t go to school until they are 7.

Where do you think these dc are until they start school @Skybluepinky?

Two or three mornings at 4 hours each, doesn't equate to being institutionalised.

I needed some "me" time so that my dc could have the best of me.