The vitriol for SAHPs on this site is insane

[JustSoFrustrated]

So many insisting it “isn’t work” and that we’re lazy, calling us “leeches” on our spouses, saying that “housework doesn’t take that long” and assuming we’re either “faffing about” or filling our time with made-up work or leisure activities…

Honestly, I wish they could all take a turn doing what I do each day and see if they still think it isn’t work or that it only takes “two hours max” daily to keep the house running—Someone told me that it only takes 20 minutes to hoover the entire house! I was like, I could do maybe one room in 20 minutes. Are they not picking things up off the floor first or moving furniture?? It also makes me imagine that their homes are TINY, and that they don’t have much of a garden, or at least not one that’s their responsibility to maintain. They also all have older, more independent children and seem to have forgotten how much supervision and assistance young children need, and how much of a mess they make constantly.

Someone else was like, “It takes five minutes per meal to do the dishes,” and I thought, what the hell are they feeding their kids? Maybe if you microwave cans of soup, or pop a tray of chicken nuggets in the oven on a single sheet pan, or boil pasta in one pot and then dump a jar of sauce over it… And that’s fine to do every once in a while, but not for every meal. If you’re actually cooking cooking— you know, chopping fruits and veggies, working with meat, cooking different components to a meal in the way they taste best, serving them on real dishes, with real cutlery to eat with… Dishes are gonna take you more than 5 minutes per meal, even with a dishwasher (Unless they’re just popping their dishes and cookware in without rinsing them off at all?? In which case I’m assuming their dishwashers are rank inside!)

And when you explain to them, this is how much work I have to do, and how much time it takes me, they either start concluding you’re “plodding around”/doing it inefficiently/incorrectly, or they’ll start suggesting that you downsize your life so that you’re less busy… presumably so you can get “a real job.” But that’s totally not the point; why would I make it so my family has a less enjoyable or less luxurious life, and see my DC less, just so I can go to work to make money that we don’t really need?

I’m tempted to just start insisting to WOHP that their houses must be disgustingly dirty and that they’re obviously cleaning wrong if it takes them so little time… or that they’re “faffing around” at work all day, because obviously if families with SAHP can live comfortably on one income, then their work must be really inefficient…

But that wouldn’t be reasonable, would it?

Ah, @InfoSecInTheCity . You are one of the awful bone idle working parents that OP means. You aren't 'working with meat' or 'chopping fruits and veggies'. You didn't even bake your bread. Because apparently that makes us lazy, choosing the short cuts that allow us to prepare meals with minimal effort. It only counts as a fresh meal if you have personally plucked the carrots from the ground and slaughtered your own cow.

I usually do chop my own veggies, but I also clean up as I go. So all you need to do after dinner is to put the plates and cutlery into dishwasher.
Even op herself writes: Dishes are gonna take you more than 5 minutes per meal, even with a dishwasher (Unless they’re just popping their dishes and cookware in without rinsing them off at all??
And it has been pointed out to her several times on this thread that dishes should in fact not be pre-rinsed, so yes she is creating herself more unneccesary work.

There are things called dishwashers. If you have a house that takes 20 minutes to clean each floor you just had space for one. It only takes a few minutes to rinse/ scrape plates before putting them in. You don’t need to pre wash them first.

Paid work you mean 🙄

Just realised I forgot to mention that I browned the meat in the casserole dish so the only immediate washing up was the fryjng pan and spatula used for the onions. Washing up after dinner was plates, glasses and cutlery, casserole dish (which I filled with hot soapy water to soak while we ate), serving spoon, bread knife. If you can make that take more than 5 mins then you really are stretching it out.

Oh and there was a portion leftover so that’s in the freezer for lunch one day in the next couple of weeks. There’s often a portion spare because we’re a family of 3 and most packs of meat are for an even number of portions. So I have a range of lunches ready to defrost and heat in the freezer.

It’s actually really offensive that you ( OP) just assume working parents don’t do the things to your standard or are part time parents . I most certainly do all the things you do. I don’t care that it takes you all day. I manage it with a 37 hour a week job, perhaps I am just more efficient with my time?! . Thanks anyway @JustSoFrustrated

I would say that it mostly does take (me) more than 5 min to clear up/wash up after dinner, and definitely takes more than 20 min to hoover entire house, but neither are so time consuming I'd give up work to do them!

My husband and I both work. We split all of the chores equally and also have a cleaner. That’s how we get everything done. It’s not the case that housework must be substandard (or you live in a hobbit house) simply because you work, as you’re very obviously suggesting here, seemingly to try and alleviate the chip on your shoulder. Different people make it work in different ways, sure, but make it work they do indeed as can be seen from PPs.

edit: editing to say, as well, that you don’t need to do a “deep” clean every day - e.g. a 20/30-minute hoover is sufficient for the everyday clean. Harks back to a previous post I saw about filling the available time that you have…

You hoover everyday? 😱

I said an “everyday” clean (ie your standard clean), not necessarily every day.

I only read the OP but I do put things in the dishwasher without rinsing them and my house is pretty dirty 😂

I am obviously a far superior mother because I care deeply about giving dc strong immune systems 😂

I do. Well I mean someone does - me, DH, DC, cleaner or my robot. But I have a number of large and hairy pets.

@G5000im tempted by a robot. Would you say it’s worth it? Which one do you have? Does it work well on cluttered/crowded floors?

I'm a SAHM to a 4 and 2 year old. It's lovely and I feel incredibly lucky that I had the option to stay at home when they are tiny.

It can be hard in some ways, being with young children all day can be a bit draining, but I don't recognise much of what you've written. I spend most of my time with my children, not moving all my furniture to hoover so yep, it takes around 5 minutes per room (my 2 year old is obsessed with cleaning at the minute so actually it takes longer, but that's because he's doing it).

I usually put something in the slow cooker in a morning whilst DH plays with the children, or we'll cook together. DH washes up (obviously, I cooked so why would I be clearing up too?). Lunch is sometimes bought out, or is a 5 minute job... omelette, hummus and pitta with veg etc.

I do bits and pieces of housework throughout the day if we are home, but everything outside of working hours is 50/50. I'm a SAHM not a housewife (though if they were at school I'm sure I'd have time to do the majority and still have some downtime... I'd never do all the housework because it's too important for my sons to see their dad doing it too).

I think to be as busy as you are you need to have either a lazy husband or ridiculously high standards for your home.

I'm going back to work in September and as much as I'm looking forward to it, I've no doubt that life will be harder and more tiring.

Deebot T30S, also washes. I'm reasonably happy, does an OK job, house certainly cleaner and yes it navigates around items like dog water bowls. Occasionally sucks in bath mats or curtains, so those should be lifted. What doesn't work super well - it doesn't have indicators how full the water tank is, or similar. It will only give an error when it's totally empty - so if you turn it on from app when you're not home, it can just declare that dirty water now full and not do anything.

I'm going back to work in September and as much as I'm looking forward to it, I've no doubt that life will be harder and more tiring.

It'll depend on your job, your house, your kids, your finances, your partner ... Certainly I've seen about equal numbers of women on here say that SAHP is easier or that WOHP is easier.

I've done both and your priorities do change. There was stuff about my house that bothered me a lot when I was in it with the preschool DCs. Once I was out most of the time and thinking about work issues, I never noticed the house problems. Which was nice.

😂 came to say this.

I mean, it's not work. 🙄

Why isn't it "work"?
Is something only work if you get paid for it?

I’ve never spent more than 5-10 mins on washing up and that includes when I’ve catered for 25 people at Christmas. I also can vacuum a room in 5 mins too and that includes moving furniture. It’s not hard.

It would be impossible to wash and rinse for 25 in 5 mins properly.

It would be impossible to vacuum properly in 5 mins. Properly means all skirting boards and corners, behind and underneath furniture and in 2 directions over all carpeted areas.

You can run a hoover around sure. You can rinse off some plates, sure.

Said someone desperately trying to stretch a job most people polish off quickly in order to get on with the real purpose of their day. (Clue — this isn’t making sure the skirting boards would pass the white glove test…)

No it's just how people with clean homes maintain them. It really doesn't take 5 mins to hoover and average sized room properly. If you don't do the skirting boards, it just looks dusty and there wouldn't be any point doing the carpet.

My sister has a cleaning company, I'm well aware people don't know these things any more. But yes, that's how it's done properly. Plates need to be washed in hot water, back and front, with washing up liquid, and then rinsed and left to drain or towel dried. It takes about a minute to do one plate properly in its entirety.

I have a dishwasher. Loading takes around 2 mins and unloading the same. I have hard floors throughout my house so vacuuming is easy. I also mop in under 5 mins too. I really don’t find it hard or time consuming. I do it every day too as we have a Labrador who sheds constantly.