Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.


Do you feel proud to be a SAHP?

57 replies

Alyssum34456 · 07/06/2020 18:47

Just that really! I feel like it's still not always taken very seriously and having being brought up in a family with a breadwinner do, I do battle with myself whether it is the right choice for me. I respect other people for their choice.

Do you feel proud and do you think other people, including partners, feel the same?

OP posts:

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 07/06/2020 23:30

I was proud of my choice at the time, and so pleased looking back to have built that foundation with my children. I truly am grateful.

I am also dismayed at the hit my career path took or earning potential and so long term finances look bleak. But am so so pleased we did. hopefully in the future life wont be so reimented and people will find it easier to move in and out of roles, flexible working etc..


Dinosauratemydaffodils · 08/06/2020 00:07

No. My mental health nose dived after dc1 was born though and I was too ill to return to work. I'm grateful that we can easily manage on dh's salary, especially with the current situation but definitely not proud.


Vamoosh · 08/06/2020 00:13

Not proud but very lucky that I get to spend these short years with DS before he starts school.


Molocosh · 08/06/2020 00:14

I’m not proud that I’m a SAHM. I don’t feel privileged or lucky either. I feel upset and angry that I’m unemployable because nursery fees were too expensive for me to work
Me too. It’s not always a choice. I feel very uncertain about my future because I have no pension and don’t know how I’ll be able to return to work. I’ve been out of it for too long and employers don’t like that. My qualifications and experience are out of date. And I’m not exactly a desirable employee considering I’m likely to need flexibility, days off to cover child illness, and I’ll want to book vacations during popular school holiday periods.


bingowingsmcgee · 08/06/2020 00:24

I bloody love it. But I'm neither proud nor ashamed, I just feel lucky and grateful to my husband to have the choice.


AdalindMeisner · 08/06/2020 00:27

No, I am ashamed. I gave up my job for my husband who wanted to take a promotion and due to lack of family support and the hours/times involved I needed to quit for him to do it (he basically said if he couldn't take the promotion he couldn't continue working and he was the main breadwinner) he then quit the promotion. Since then I became carer to my eldest who has additional needs which became apparent at 13 and so now I am trapped as an SAHP and really can't see anyway out of it (dd2 also has additional needs and requires more care than your average 5 year old).

I feel sheer dread if anyone asks me. Being a SAHP has eroded what little self esteem I initally had.


Pieceofpurplesky · 08/06/2020 01:04

Oh to have had the choice.


curtainsforme · 08/06/2020 01:16

I have both worked and stayed at home. I didn't feel particular pride in either situation, I was just doing what suited the family at the time.


DuvetDay1212 · 08/06/2020 01:24

I feel happy that I could stay at home, and grateful to have a lovely DH who appreciates all I do for the family. DS is school age now but I'm still not working. No childcare options for the school holidays. Parents won't help and there is only one holiday club which is extortionate and gets booked up very quickly which DS doesn't want to go to anyway. So I need to be around for 13 weeks of school holidays. I'll try to get a job when DS goes to high school. Much as it may be difficult, I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get to it. I'd rather never work again as I don't cope well in offices or generally around other people, hellish anxiety and depression crap.


Alyssum34456 · 08/06/2020 09:00

Maybe proud is the wrong word. I suppose I mean pleased and confident with your decision, as if it is an important job like any other. I understand it's not a choice for lots of people which is why maybe we can't discuss it in the same way, as lots of people can't choose to do it. Similarly, lots of people earn less than childcare costs so they also have no choice and have to do it.

I still feel like it's seen as an easy option and I agree with a pp about how it's almost more respected to lose your entire salary on childcare than be at home yourself.

I'm not sure I can hack it anwyay! But then there is the whole childcare issue with covid and in many ways it's 'easier' in the sense I don't have to perform at another job (my brain has gone to mush over mat leave) and any childcare concerns.

OP posts:

Rainycloudyday · 08/06/2020 09:12

I work four days a week and so does DH. I feel incredibly proud of the way we work as a team and honestly, I’m very proud of having kept my career going around my children. Possibly an unpopular opinion and I don’t want to offend anyone because I totally respect other peoples choices, but honestly, for myself no I wouldn’t be proud of being a SAHM. I would hate it and be quite embarrassed I think. Plus exceptionally worried about my own future and security. But that’s my own feelings on it, I never ever think badly of anyone who wants to be a SAHP. Just mildly curious I suppose because it’s so far from what I would ever want. But variety is what makes the world interesting!


PineappleUpsideDownCake · 08/06/2020 10:23

Rainy do you make a habit of going onto threads for X and telling them you'd be embarrassed to be them?

What I like about living in the country - oh id be embarrassed to do that.

What I like about being a teacher - oh id be embarrased to be a teacher.

Theead for sahp asking if they are proud od there choice/pleased with what theyve accomplished- oh id be embarrassed if I were you.



Pinkblueberry · 08/06/2020 10:31

No, because "proud" implies a criticism of other choices.

I think that’s an odd sentiment. I’m proud of the job I do, that doesn’t mean I think everyone else should have chosen the same career path - where would the world be if we all did the same thing?
I don’t think it’s about what you do, it’s how you do it - I think you should be proud of anything that involves you doing your best and putting effort in. If you’re giving being a SAHP your all then of course you should be proud.


Vamoosh · 08/06/2020 10:40

@Rainycloudyday why would it be embarrassing? You’ve insulted SAHP more than anyone saying that.


Rainycloudyday · 08/06/2020 11:06

@PineappleUpsideDownCake that really wasn’t the tone of my post and you know it. Sorry, I didn’t realise that you were hall monitor on this open, Internet forum Hmm

The OP asked for peoples opinions. Sounds like she isn’t currently a SAHM at the moment either, is she not allowed to comment either?


Rainycloudyday · 08/06/2020 11:10

@Vamoosh for me (and not everyone, as I acknowledged in my post!) I would be embarrassed because I would feel I wasn’t fulfilling my potential or achieving career-wise, which for me (again, no everyone!) is really important. I said clearly that I don’t look down on SAHP, just struggle to relate to someone wanting that. As I’m sure lots of SAHPs wouldn’t be able to fathom my choices. Horses for courses! I’m sure there are people out there who would be embarrassed to admit that they actively choose to work four days a week when they don’t financially have to. I’m not offended by that because I’m comfortable and secure in my own choices.


MsChatterbox · 08/06/2020 11:11

Not proud, lucky and fortunate.


MsChatterbox · 08/06/2020 11:12

Actually opposite of proud. A bit apologetic almost!


SoupDragon · 08/06/2020 11:13

I’m proud of the job I do, that doesn’t mean I think everyone else should have chosen the same career path

A career path is not the same as a parenting path though. You aren't criticised for being an architect rather than a doctor for example. There is a whole heap of criticism over your choice of parenting path though.


formerbabe · 08/06/2020 11:15

Not proud, not ashamed.

I would rather work but don't have any family support really...and I wouldn't be a high earner so can't throw money at the problem.

I see being a sahm as slightly better than working and having my DC in wrap around paid childcare with lots of stress and barely any money left.


Yesterdayforgotten · 08/06/2020 11:19

Not proud and embarrassed about being judged which is a personal hang up as I've always always worked. In my situation I would have been at a loss going back to work as what i earned would have covered childcare and factoring in travel I wouldn't have come out with any extra and would have been at a loss as I worked far away from home. The situation wouldnt have worked I know this but I still feel embarrassed and like I have to overexplain myself when people ask. Alot of people also assume you're privileged and have loads of money which isn't the case for me.


Vamoosh · 08/06/2020 12:11

@Rainycloudyday I hope my DH doesn’t find it embarrassing that I stay at home with our son. I know people look down on me for my choices but I never thought I should be embarrassed.


Vamoosh · 08/06/2020 12:15

If I was at home looking after someone else’s child I’m a child under. If I’m at home looking after my own child I should be ashamed or embarrassed. What a strange view people have.


Vamoosh · 08/06/2020 12:15

Childminder *


Rainycloudyday · 08/06/2020 12:25

@vamoosh you’re literally inventing things that no one is saying, least of all me. Point out exactly where I said you should be ashamed or embarrassed?

You seem really hyper sensitive and touchy about your life choices and are choosing to see criticism where there is absolutely none. Your reaction to this thread kind of implies you’re not nearly as secure with your choices as you’d like to make out.

Staying at home is just as valid a choice as working, as I have said in my other posts-different strokes for different folks. It seems like that’s not ok with you....odd.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

We're all short on time

Log in or sign up to use the 'See Next' or 'See all' posts by the OP (Original Poster) and cut straight to the action.

Already signed up?

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?