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A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.


Do you feel proud to be a SAHP?

57 replies

Alyssum34456 · 07/06/2020 18:47

Just that really! I feel like it's still not always taken very seriously and having being brought up in a family with a breadwinner do, I do battle with myself whether it is the right choice for me. I respect other people for their choice.

Do you feel proud and do you think other people, including partners, feel the same?

OP posts:
Alyssum34456 · 07/06/2020 18:47

Dm not do

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 07/06/2020 18:49

No, because "proud" implies a criticism of other choices.

I am happy with my choice.

TinySleepThief · 07/06/2020 18:51

I dont think proud is the right word. Anyone lucky enough to be in a comfortable enough position should feel very fortunate, it's a very privileged position to be in.

GreenTulips · 07/06/2020 18:51

So few woman now have the choice to be a SAHP and if you get the opportunity to spend that time with your children which ultimately be for a few short years, then enjoy it.

Sittinonthefloor · 07/06/2020 18:56

I did when dc were babies but after a couple of years I found it very isolating and lonely, I hated not being self sufficient and being mentally busy and useful to society. My career took a big hit and with hindsight I should have gone part time Rather than sahm even though at the time it didn’t seem worth it as pay would have been equal to childcare costs. I more proud of being a working mother now and setting a good example to my dcs, although life (normal life anyway) is very hectic!

PaulinePetrovaPosey · 07/06/2020 18:56

I'm on mat leave so not quite the same...but no. I'm proud of how amazing my DD is, but not just of the fact that I'm currently not at work.

Pumpertrumper · 07/06/2020 18:59

I’m not a SAHP (currently on mat leave) but I will be going back PT.
Tbh I feel really weird about it, like people think I’m just opting out of FT work. I don’t think anyone gives parenting the credit it deserves. It’s socially acceptable to pay somebody else my FT wage to care for my child but not for me to forgo my income to do it myself?

I was very unwell in pregnancy which lead to me being off work for a long period of time. DH and I want another child within the next 2 years but I’m already getting anxiety that this will be perceived as an absoloute piss take by my employer.
6 months poorly (pregnant)
12 months mat leave
Couple of months back In the office then repeat.

It’s shit.

footprintsintheslow · 07/06/2020 19:00

Actually I'm proud because it was a tough and brave choice, we are quite poor but get by well enough. I'll be going back to work when the youngest goes to school though. It was the right thing to do for me as I couldn't stand to leave them at a nursery and then go teach very young children.

FATEdestiny · 07/06/2020 19:00

Not proud.

I feel privileged. Lucky maybe.

Lots of people would like to not have to work (it's what people look forward to when they retire). But few feel able to from a financial perspective.

I am not financially privileged btw. But in a relationship where we are happy on a low income.

Sittinonthefloor · 07/06/2020 19:02

When I look back at my sahm years (3 years) I feel a bit embarrassed that I was ‘proud’ I loved the baby years but I didn’t realise at the time how lucky it was - it seemed hard at the time but looking back it seems just like a long holiday or gap year! When we are in a particular period in our life we can’t imagine it being different! I can’t imagine my dcs leaving home 🙁.

yoikes · 07/06/2020 19:02

Didn't feel proud when I was a wohp either.
M people have a lot to answer for.

peajotter · 07/06/2020 19:05

Not proud, but pleased with the choice although it’s hard work and not a great fit for my personality (although that might be lockdown talking).

I do feel a bit defensive as attitudes like the pp (“not being useful to society”) are so widespread. But there’s all sorts of ways to be a sahp. I have to keep reminding myself when I hear negative attitudes.

I am proud of the things I have achieved in that time, the volunteering and helping out other parents and kids. I’m grateful for the time to spend with my kids and the bond that we have. I know for my particular family set up it is the right decision (for now).

Jeleste · 07/06/2020 19:12

Im very glad i am in this position. And im a bit proud of DH that he manages to carry the whole financial burden himself.

I do get negative reactions sometimes, but it doesnt really bother me. I am happy with my life and so is the rest of my family, thats all that matters.

wintertime6 · 07/06/2020 22:01

I think that's an odd way to ask the question because I do think that everyone's decision is personal to them and I hope that I respect the decisions made by my friends.

I ended up being forced into being a SAHP due to redundancy and it had a detrimental effect on my mental heath. I now have a complete admiration for those who do it all the time.

I'm now working part time and it's the best balance for me, I love the time I have with my kids and I love the time I have focussing on my career. Everyone's different and you just have to figure out what's best for need to look after yourself before anyone else.

justanotherneighinparadise · 07/06/2020 22:04

No. I’m embarrassed mainly.

AMomHasNoName · 07/06/2020 22:15

I wouldnt use the word proud . But I'm really happy with my choice and thankful that I can be a SAHP . It sounds Lame but I have really enjoyed being one . My youngest is at school next year and it will be strange working after 10+ years of toddler groups /swimming/ library visits and all the other endless things I did during the week with small children.

Dontletthebastardscheeryouup · 07/06/2020 22:19

I’m not proud that I’m a SAHM.

I don’t feel privileged or lucky either. I feel upset and angry that I’m unemployable because nursery fees were too expensive for me to work and now I have a huge gap on my CV. I made a bad choice and I regret not making it work financially somehow.

And when I interview with the rare job vacancies I get asked “and how does your husband feel about you working?”


Sorry for ranting!

MrsEricBana · 07/06/2020 22:24

Not proud. Happy with our choices though.

Snowdown24 · 07/06/2020 22:25

Being a stay at home parent is mainly due to poverty, it’s rare someone gets too choose to stay home, as normally they are financially forced too or are on benefits, so proud isn’t the word I would use.

I was lucky enough to choose to stay at home, but with only one person working, every luxury stopped, everything! It was hard, but I felt lucky, not proud.

CostaCosta · 07/06/2020 22:29

I feel incredibly lucky!

TimeWastingButFun · 07/06/2020 22:54

Yes, so happy to have always been at home for them although just as I was thinking of doing some PT work (teaching) my husband has taken early retirement and we're enjoying spending time together and with the kids and getting lots of house projects done. Also my parents are needing so much support that work would be difficult (daily visits to help them and lots of medical appointments, etc). When things quieten down and the second one is at secondary I'm really looking forward to working again,

Zoflorabore · 07/06/2020 23:01

Proud isn’t a word I would use and like others on here, I would say lucky or privileged.

I don’t work due to a chronic health condition though am looking into setting up my own business this year. We have a good quality of life and don’t go without anything really but I need some sort of purpose.

Mine are 9 and 17 so I do the school run for my youngest though she is a very independent child. Over the last 10 years or so I have nursed both my dgm’s through dementia from before diagnosis to them passing away, i volunteer at dd’s school, I have a million things to do and am never bored but it’s embarrassing sometimes when you get that question “and what do you do?” Sorry for rambling.

Lastly, after spending time on holiday with a relative who is at the top of her field and literally lives to work, answering calls by the pool in Spain etc, i came to the conclusion that I have very little ambition.

DramaAlpaca · 07/06/2020 23:08

I'm not a SAHM now but I was by choice for nine years when my DC were small. I can't say I was proud to be a SAHM but I was very happy to be one. I felt very fortunate and privileged that DH & I were in a position to make the choice that I could stay at home. I enjoyed every minute of it too.

Mixingitall · 07/06/2020 23:17

I loved the time, and didn’t care what others thought. Equally, I returned to work and enjoy working too. Life is much more planned and less spontaneous, but now the children are older the benefits of working out weigh the positives of staying at home.

Shmithecat2 · 07/06/2020 23:25

Not proud at all, as it's becoming more and more clear that I was not born to be a SAHM, and I cannot wait to get back to work when ds starts school. But I do feel privileged that we were able to afford for me to stay home.

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