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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

Original poster

Partner will not help financially:(

82 replies

Zaramcdhy · 26/04/2019 21:22

Hi guys, so I really need some advice. I have been with my partner for approx 4 years, we live together and I have one son (partner not bio father). We both work full time and earn approx the same each month. My partner does not contribute properly financially towards household costs, I pay all rent, council tax, gas & elec, tv, childcare! My partner pays around 250 pound per month (my car and insurance payment) and sometimes contributes towards food. In total my outgoings per month are around 850 pounds and I am seriously struggling. He owns an expensive sports car which on top of the finance payment costs around 350 pounds per month in fuel! He continuously runs out of money before next payday and looks to me for money and stupidly I have been allowing this. I’ve tried everything to make him see this is not fair and I cannot continue to live like this but he will not change, he promises to but then doesn’t. The house is in my name as I cannot trust him enough financially to do this joint. what would you do in my position?

OP posts:
Original poster
Zaramcdhy · 27/04/2019 09:00

Yes I will get some help in terms of a reduction in council tax and some towards childcare. Reading through what I’ve posted I can obviously see how bad the situation is and it looks like I’m a complete mug. The main reason it’s continued so long is we’ve had a rough 2 years and he’s offered a lot in terms of emotional support at times and I’ve allowed myself to be manipulated by him through that and feeling like I owe him the right. I’m fully aware that I need to change the situation and not allow this to continue.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 27/04/2019 09:02

Christ he's a fraudster! Do you have anything in writing that he was meant to pay for the furniture? Please tell me the house is in your name only?

AnotherEmma · 27/04/2019 09:04

Why is this in SAHP and not Relationships?

Kick him out (I assume his name is not on the tenancy agreement) and do the Freedom Programme. You need to ask yourself why you have tolerated this for so long, why the warning signs didn't put you off in the first place, and what you are going to do to protect yourself and your son in future.

Original poster
Zaramcdhy · 27/04/2019 09:04

Not a thing just his word which means nothing. The card is 0% so I’m not too concerned as I do have an ok income and sure I could juggle some things around to make ends meet still. Yes the house is only in my name.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zaramcdhy · 27/04/2019 09:06

AnotherEmma, I’m new to the forum so was unsure on where to post?

OP posts:
Lollypop701 · 27/04/2019 09:15

Do you have any nice big male family members to help him move out? I know you shouldn’t need this but there you go! If not tell him he needs to be out today (or whatever date you choose, but preferably when your child isn’t around) or you are calling the police. Send him this by text as well. You know you have too!

Coronapop · 27/04/2019 09:17

LTB. He is selfish, materialistic and mean, not qualities you want in a partner.

cheaperthebetter · 27/04/2019 09:18

Zara; I was in a very similar situation 6 weeks ago with my now EX, he too had no were else to go etc etc, Finally I kicked his arse out!
The last 6 weeks have been ALOT GREENER Grin, he tried guilt tripping me and I felt I was caving, so I came on here (Mumsnet) and they supported me and I can thank them enough Thanks me and my DC are happy and financial coping way better than having him here as honestly I was a cash machine to him and my DC (Xmas money)
You deserve to be comfortable after all you work hard for your money if he is left with nothing tough fucking shit!
He can down grade his car
He has a mother (which is not you!)
You can do this OP ThanksThanks

Weenurse · 27/04/2019 09:19

Time for him to go, you have acquired a sSTD, sexually transmitted debt

TessaL23 · 27/04/2019 09:20

Have some respect for yourself and dump his lazy ass!! What a loser.

snowdrop6 · 27/04/2019 09:20

Do you really really need to ask us what to do...how is it not obvious.
For your sons sake ..get rid ..he’s using u

Original poster
Zaramcdhy · 27/04/2019 09:38

Thank you for the advice! He will be going today (he is lying asleep still in bed!!) that just says it all.

OP posts:
MumUnderTheMoon · 27/04/2019 09:43

Just to reiterate what pp said. You can call the police to have him removed. Go right now and start to pack up his stuff. When it's done wake him and tell him to go. Or wake him right now and tell him he has an hour to leave or you will call the police. Or (I would do this) call your local police and tell them that you have tried to remove this man from your property before, that last night he went into your sons room and you need to remove him before your son returns so as not to distress him, and allow the police to wake him and show him the door.

Weenurse · 27/04/2019 09:43

Post when he is gone so we can celebrate with you

GaraMedouar · 27/04/2019 09:52

Good luck OP - you will feel a weight lifted when he’s gone. You deserve better Flowers

Iloveacurry · 27/04/2019 09:54

Good luck and change the lock.

cstaff · 27/04/2019 10:13

Get that skanger out of your house and your life. You owe him nothing and have nothing to feel guilty about. Good luck today Flowers

Nofilter · 27/04/2019 10:18

OP I was in a relationship like this! There are men out there who see women who are vulnerable and jump on it. That's what he's done here and once you get rid of him you'll see it, it's like a switch and you almost laugh at yourself how you could let it happen. You know already..

The emotional stuff is just something he's locked onto for an easy ride..

This man is digging you into a hole get him out!

You are not stuck. Do not let that thought keep you in it you are best running for the hills.

If not for you do it for your son he sounds awful!

mummmy2017 · 27/04/2019 10:25

I agree get some friends over for sleep over, they can help you chuck him out...

PerfectPeony2 · 27/04/2019 10:26

No more advice but good luck! You will feel so much better when he’s gone - in your lovely house with your son.

You are obviously a strong woman and financially independent! You can do this. Flowers

Qweenbee · 27/04/2019 10:29

Yep definitely get someone to come over and give you moral support.

Happyinheels · 27/04/2019 10:37

Good luck OP. You know in your heart what you need to do, as hard as it might be. You need to think of you and your son. Your responsibilities lie as a mum. Your partner isn't a partner, he's feeding off you and you are carrying him.
Sometimes we stay in situations for fear of the unknown. Take that leap. There will be scary days ahead but once you get a grip on your finances you won't miss his £250 contribution. Your food bill will be less and as pp's have said you will get 25% reduction in council tax. You will end up financially better off. If you go on the 'Enititled To' website you can find out what help you're entitled to re benefits, childcare etc. You can do that today.
Sending lots of strength to you. You can totally do this.

Holidayshopping · 27/04/2019 11:19

Have you told him he’s got to definitely leave today or is that just what you e decided and he’s not aware of the plan for today yet (because he’s asleep?!)?

Hearhere · 27/04/2019 11:46

He's got himself a very cushy number with you I don't imagine he'll go easily....

Longdistance · 27/04/2019 11:55

Good luck with throwing him out. He seems to have his feet firmly stuck under the table with superglue.