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A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

Original poster

Partner will not help financially:(

82 replies

Zaramcdhy · 26/04/2019 21:22

Hi guys, so I really need some advice. I have been with my partner for approx 4 years, we live together and I have one son (partner not bio father). We both work full time and earn approx the same each month. My partner does not contribute properly financially towards household costs, I pay all rent, council tax, gas & elec, tv, childcare! My partner pays around 250 pound per month (my car and insurance payment) and sometimes contributes towards food. In total my outgoings per month are around 850 pounds and I am seriously struggling. He owns an expensive sports car which on top of the finance payment costs around 350 pounds per month in fuel! He continuously runs out of money before next payday and looks to me for money and stupidly I have been allowing this. I’ve tried everything to make him see this is not fair and I cannot continue to live like this but he will not change, he promises to but then doesn’t. The house is in my name as I cannot trust him enough financially to do this joint. what would you do in my position?

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 26/04/2019 22:15

You need help to get rid of this shit.
Have you got any string mates or family members?

7yo7yo · 26/04/2019 22:15

Strong

Singlenotsingle · 26/04/2019 22:18

Chuck him out. He's not fit for purpose.

Wheresmyvagina · 26/04/2019 22:19

You don't have to let him stay just because he cries Confused
Get a backbone!

Singlenotsingle · 26/04/2019 22:21

He has no legal right to be there. He can go and arrange somewhere to rent.

Absolutepowercorrupts · 26/04/2019 22:21

You are not his mother, harden your heart and just tell him to leave. It's your house. Crocodile tears mean nothing. He won't change, he's a user. Get shot

jellybeanlover · 26/04/2019 22:28

Julia said this 😂

Partner will not help financially:(
RomanyQueen1 · 26/04/2019 22:32

He can sleep in his car, or sell it for a deposit for a flat.
what a tosser, why are you allowing yourself to be a mug?
Does he have a massive cock or something?

youngestisapsycho · 26/04/2019 22:34

My sister is going thru this.... she has a cocklodger but is blind to it and won’t listen to her family. Fuck him off out, don’t be fooled by tears and promises of change!

Proseccoh · 26/04/2019 22:46

The police will help you if you ask them to. Just in case you don't know that. Please do call them.

Graphista · 26/04/2019 23:13

Not sure I'd take Julia roberts advice on relationships given her own history Grin

But yea get rid, he's playing you for a mug and you're letting him.

He sounds type to land on his feet you'll find he'll find another mug quickly enough.

YOUR priority is your child and yourself.

GaraMedouar · 26/04/2019 23:26

I had a cocklodger for 7 years, just like your situation. I spent a long time questioning myself, he was such a 'nice' guy, pleasant, chilled. Over the years though, any love I had turned to resentment. I gave him an ultimatum, start contributing or leave. He shrugged and left, onto a new mug (girlfriend).
We have a DC together, and I receive zero maintenance. I have no idea how he can live with himself, he has no financial responsibility whatsoever. OP - don't put up with it like I did.

Longdistance · 27/04/2019 06:19

Get some black bags, pack his shit and throw him out! He can cry all he likes then. If he refuses to leave call the police.

SnapesGreasyHair · 27/04/2019 08:14

OP - you have a choice. Either he stays and things continue as they are as he won't change, or you get him to leave - by force if necessary.

Only you can make the decision as to what is best for you and your son.

missbonita · 27/04/2019 08:17

He’s not a partner, he’s a parasite. He can sleep in his stupid show off car can’t he?

Bananalanacake · 27/04/2019 08:27

how long were you together before he moved in. you need to wait at least 2 years so you can see how he is with money.

Original poster
Zaramcdhy · 27/04/2019 08:46

We were together for around a year before he moved in so quite quickly, I wasn’t in the best place at that time, I had a strained relationship with my mother and father of my son and I was desperate for some company I guess. The signs were there from day one as he owed a lot of money to his own mother which he wasn’t paying back properly and owned an expensive car then too. I thought he was immature but would soon grow out of that as we moved in (stupid I know). Things have pretty much been this way for the whole of our relationship apart from when he was doing slightly better at work he would contribute to food more and maybe buy something for the house and the odd meal out here and there. For the last year it has just became a nightmare, he has been in trouble for speeding, he’s been in trouble at work and he’s been on a final warning because he basically cannot get up early enough to get himself there so was consistently late! He’s relayed on me financially for so long, he’s made promises over and over to do more to help but doesn’t. He told me he thought I was fine with him contributing his poxy 250 pounds per month. I’ve worked extremely hard for me and my son to have nice things I’ve always had a good job working for the nhs and recently been in the process of starting up my own business. He asked me to purchase furniture for our house which I did on my credit card as he promised to help with repayments! He hasn’t. He stole 50 pounds from my sons Christmas money which he promised to replace. He hasn’t. Now I feel trapped with him because I now actually rely on his measly contribution because I have a credit card to pay back on my own as well as my own car which I could easily have done on my own if it wasn’t for that. Such a mess. And my own fault I know!

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 27/04/2019 08:48

He stole your sons Christmas money and you still
Let him stay??
FFS

Holidayshopping · 27/04/2019 08:51

I don’t really know what on Earth you see in him and if you won’t throw him out, you’re stuck with the man child!

Original poster
Zaramcdhy · 27/04/2019 08:52

I know, I don’t know what I was thinking, it happened a few days before he was paid and he promised to replace it, he told me he had to borrow from him and it would be put straight back 🙄

OP posts:
SnapesGreasyHair · 27/04/2019 08:54

Good God it gets worse with each update

SnapesGreasyHair · 27/04/2019 08:55

Have you looked at what benefits you'll get if he leaves? You should get council tax reduction

SnapesGreasyHair · 27/04/2019 08:57

If he gives you £250/mth, how much do you then "loan" him back? Minus that off the £250. Also take off the extra for food he has and minus of the council tax reduction.

You might not be as bad off with out him as you think

SnapesGreasyHair · 27/04/2019 08:58

Is your credit card 0%? If not then transfer it to one and just make minimal payments for now.

PersonaNonGarter · 27/04/2019 08:59

It is very cheap to replace the locks (under £15, just change the barrel yourself).

Collect up anything he has of value (x-box, designer clothes, sports equipment) and take it out of the house to a friend/relative’s house.

Then pack up his stuff into bags, change the locks, and when you know he is one his way back, put the stuff out on the door. Tell him he can have the rest of the stuff when he has paid you £500.