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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

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Original poster

Does your other half take the kids at the weekend

33 replies

OhPuddleducks · 25/05/2015 18:49

This is a lovely new board!

Does your other-working-half relieve you of the kids a bit at he weekend? My DP is lovely and helpful but in a "let's do it all together" kind of way, rather than whisking the kids out the house and leaving me in peace for a bit. I can never work out if I'm expecting too much from him.

OP posts:

PureMorning · 25/05/2015 18:53

Yes he takes both out to do something on Saturday afternoon and he takes the four year old out on Sunday (leaves the 12 year old at home so he can go meet his mates or whatever)

I appreciate the peace.

AGirlCalledBoB · 25/05/2015 18:55

My partner works shifts so there is no two days off work generally. We do things together though, it's family time. If I have had a particularly bad week then I may pop out on my own for a while.

FinalFatmester · 25/05/2015 18:57

Yes, especially now I'm pregant with dc2. He usually takes dc1 swimming or to the park on a Sunday morning, or will just entertain her while I have a nap. The rest of the time we are either all together or tag teaming.

TheBookofRuth · 25/05/2015 18:57

Very occasionally, if I need the break, but normally we prefer to do things together. We don't get many opportunities during the week.

dementedpixie · 25/05/2015 18:59

He takes ds to football and rugby training and I am left with dd. I may as well be alone though as she is normally plugged into her computer

Original poster

OhPuddleducks · 25/05/2015 19:06

So I guess a mixed bag. Mine are 18 months and 3 so need amusing whenever they are in and (especially the wee one) are prone to shouting for me from the bottom of the stairs if I try to sneak off.

Those whose partners do take the kids, did you have to ask them to or did they do it of their own accord? I feel bad asking because I don't want it to come across that he doesn't do enough but also because I wish he'd just do it without prompting. I'm probably being selfish, but after a full week of toddler-world, I just wish I could have a bit more me-time at the weekends.

OP posts:

howabout · 25/05/2015 21:09

I sometimes sneak off to the supermarket in peace at the weekend. Still on duty but getting some P&Q at the same time. I also have friends who do the ironing while DH takes DC to the park for the same reason. Difficult to get the balance when DC are small as you don't want to lose adult time with DP in favour of "me" time, but I think we all need a bit of both.

Also you are right about 3 and unders with a SAHM. They are perfectly happy without you but if you are within shouting reach you are the one they want ime.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 25/05/2015 21:20

Yeah, he always offers to. Sometimes I say yes but to be honest I feel like I'm missing out if they go out and do fun things without me and I like to spend the time as a family so we usually go together. I'm 34 weeks pregnant now though so have been taking him up on it more often recently. Over the bank holiday he's taken DD (18 months) out every morning so I can have a rest and shower in peace.

RatOnnaStick · 25/05/2015 21:25

About half the time dh and ds1 go off on a weekend morning to racing or swimming. Ds2 is too little to join in really so I tend to have him. Sometimes he takes them both off to the park bit more often than not we go together.

Littlef00t · 26/05/2015 11:55

Dd is 14 mo. I either get a lie-in on a Saturday or Sunday unless we have something planned. Although she's not up at night as much, it's always me who sees to her. Once she's older and if she's calling for me, I'd expect dh to take her to the park or shops to get out of my hair if I want a break.

Also, even if I can't get back to sleep, it doesn't mean I don't get a break.

ArriettyMatilda · 26/05/2015 15:30

I'm not sure my partners ever offered to but I also don't feel like I have to ask him as such. If there's something I want to do he will happily stay with dd. He also tends to a a sports club one evening a week, but as I don't have anything I regularly do I tend to let him know if I want to do something without dd. I feel it's more fair as long as he gets to have some me time too.

lynniep · 26/05/2015 15:39

yes. we both do so that both adults get a bit of 'me' time. Its not an organised thing - sometimes DH just wants to have a nap, or a wander into town so I will entertain/supervise the kids, or take them out somewhere.
I might want to go to the gym or get some sewing done and DH will take them to the park or whatever. We do things as a family too but its nice to get a bit of peace.

blowinahoolie · 26/05/2015 17:38

No, because he works 3 out of every 5 weekends. I am more or less getting on with it most of the time, he does however take them to his parents when he's free for a whole day. It is hard at times, but it's how life is when your partner is a shift worker...

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 26/05/2015 17:50

He'll let me have a lie in, but no he doesn't whisk them out very often.

We have three, so we generally divide them up a bit at some point.

I am sure we would do it for each other if we wanted to though. We just generally prefer to do stuff as a family. The only time one of us takes them all out of the way tends to be things like DIY projects.

maroonedwithfour · 26/05/2015 17:55

Yes, he takes toddler whenever he can and dribs and drabs with my other 3. Sometimes I'll go to the gym.

Original poster

OhPuddleducks · 26/05/2015 18:50

Maybe I'm as bad as he is! We alternate "lie ins" (although that 8am is a lie in is shameful!) but neither of us really take them off so the other one can have some peace. We swap a couple of nights through the week for me to go to the gym or him to go for a run so I do have that time to myself.

I suppose I just feel that I remain the main care giver even when he's there. I'm still the one refereeing the disagreements or clearing up after them or making sure they eat and snack and so on, while he's Fun Dad. Perhaps I'll have a chat with him about that rather than screaming "just take them out" like I felt like doing when I started the thread...

OP posts:

morethanpotatoprints · 26/05/2015 18:54

Mine rarely looked after dc at the weekend because he isn't a mon - fri 9-5 worker, he mainly worked/ works at weekend.
Whenever he was here though he was as hands on as me and would regularly take over from me when he could.
I have always had time for myself too which imo is essential and he has always seen the need for him to be a father and take his share of parenting both with me and away from me on his own.

NighteyesLovesGingerbread · 26/05/2015 19:31

we alternate lie ins at the weekend so I don't usually surface until around 9am on Saturday. as a rule we prefer to do things as a family but if I say to DH I need some time he will whisk the DC off to the park quite happily. we are very much 50/50 while we are both at home - equal shares in cooking, tidying up, nappy changes etc - whoever is most in the mood to cook/deal with kids and mess etc does so. DH is usually very good at noticing if I need time out though and will sometimes just suggest a trip to the park and quietly mention that if I want to stay home then its fine.

our DC are all under 6 so in bed by 7pm so we have plenty of evening down time and DH is happy for me to go out with friends whenever I fancy.

stargirl1701 · 26/05/2015 19:34

Yes. DH takes both (DD1, 2 years, DD2, 9 months) to Rhymetime at the library on a Sat morning. I can get a coffee and read the paper or go for a swim. He has them both downstairs on a Sunday morning so I can have a lie in. DH doesn't do lie ins as he is the early bird!

hideandseekpig · 26/05/2015 22:20

We usually do things all together at the weekend but if I asked him to take dd out then he would. Or if I wanted to go out by myself he wouldn't mind. He sometimes takes her to the park or to the shops on his own without me asking which is always a nice surprise and then I end up catching up on housework anyway!

TuckingFablet · 27/05/2015 11:44

we don't get weekends, dp gets two days off a week, but they are never the same. He does take dd off my hands though so I can go relax in town, or snuggle up in bed.

FluffyBumOnTheRun · 19/06/2015 22:01

It's 60 me 40 him I'd say

Athenaviolet · 19/06/2015 22:14

Op I think you should read wifework.

It doesn't sound as if your DP has engaged with parenting his DCs. Did he want them?

The DCs will notice his disinterest as they grow up.

He needs to be more proactive and scoop them up and take them out or actually tell you to go upstairs for a rest if the DCs are calling for you when he's right there.

It's his responsibility to sort this out, not your responsibility to manage and accommodate his inadequate parenting.

What if you dropped dead tomorrow? Would he cope?

GrouchyKiwi · 21/06/2015 12:15

We used to do a lie in each at the weekend but that's on hold till DD2 sleeps better. So DH gets up to the children both days and I try to rest a bit longer.

He'll often take DD1 to the park or take them both out to do a grocery shop but we moved recently and haven't found a park yet, plus still have lots of little house jobs to do so that's fallen by the wayside a bit.

He doesn't do things spontaneously but will happily do anything I ask him to. It is a bit frustrating to have to ask, though.

NickyEds · 22/06/2015 18:38

This is one thing dp and I have come to blows with. That's an exaggeration but it's really the only parenting thing we've fallen out over. I need time to myself. Desperately. Before ds I worked mainly from home alone and loved it so, despite generally loving being a SAHM the need for some time alone is very important to me. It's not that dp doesn't take him out and give me time (he does, especially now I'm pregnant) it's just that it's never been reliable or a priority and tends to be half an hour here and there when I'd love a morning a week . When there are two things that clash it's always my time that I find gets cancelled. On the run up to Christmas I didn't have any time to myself for nearly 3 months and it just about drove me nuts. I had a bit of a meltdown and promises were made- it was great for a couple of months but last Saturday was my first morning alone in the house since march.

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