Life in the country - the reality

[tinstar]

DH is keen for us to retire to the country having spent all our married life on the outskirts of a big city.

I don't like where we live now - too crowded, noisy, dirty and crime is on the rise.

But I'm scared that I will feel lonely and isolated in the country. We've looked on line at some beautiful properties in the south-west. Great in summer but in the winter .....

I wondered if anyone has made a similar move and if it worked for them?

Apart from finding it difficult to make friends another concern (please don't laugh) is that if we get a house with a thatched roof or outbuildings, we'll have to cope with mice or even rats.

Any advice?

However, the shop owner is sometimes dressed as a woman

This was the case in my closest town (not UK) when I was growing up. He used to sit behind the till in a series of short tweed skirts and vaguely Myra Hindley wigs.

Definitely a town, though (though population under 5000) it had a royal charter in the early 1600s, it has four churches, a library, courthouse, market, used to have a railway station, a lot of shops, has a lively music scene very much the hub for a large rural area, and a tourist destination, though. Plus it's won in the 'small town' category of the equivalent of 'Britain in Bloom', which is clearly definitive.

We've done this, and to soften the culture shock we chose a village that's not too far from a market town. All the shops we need aren't too far away, but we can also run up on to the moors after work of an evening. If you're an outdoorsy person, it's amazing.

There's a lot to consider, some of which mightn't occur to you if you've always lived in a city. For instance - how important is it to you to be able to order a takeaway? Or online shopping? Are you ok with the nearest shops only being open for fairly limited hours?

I also agree with PP that rural living is far from quiet! The birds, tractors and toots from the steam train make it noisy here, but it's a different kind of noise to what you'll be used to in the city.

Having said that, we are very happy with our decision! Despite the tiny local shop only being open until 12.30pm quite a few days a week (yes you did read that right).

For background, my comments are based on having moved to a village with a population of around 1,500. We have two pubs, a combined village shop/PO, a small primary school and a very limited bus service to the nearest town. We do however fall within takeaway delivery areas for takeaways in the nearest town!

I lived in a village of 3500. I could count on one hand the number of people from the general area I had an actual conversation with in the years I lived there.

I would travel back to my previous area in London just to do the weekly shop.

The local supermarket in the market town was disgusting. (Got closed down on a regular basis by environmental health).

Whilst it sounds great that there is a thriving primary or secondary school if you don’t have children then you aren’t going to be using that as a means of making friends.

If you don’t drink or you do and they sell the pub for residential use then the opportunity to make friends is taken away.

If you are not religious or the church closes then again that takes away the opportunity to make friends as well

A friends parents moved to the countryside It was something they had always planned when the youngest had left uni and got their own place.

They moved to London a couple of years ago.
They could see themselves getting older and not having a support network or friends round them.
They were so surprised how friendly everyone was in London compared to village life.
Friends mum said they spoke to and made more friends in one week than all the time they spent in the village.

I think some posters are lacking in imagination if you can’t believe a secondary school could be situated in a village and have 1000+ pupils.

I can believe it, but it wouldn't be a village afaiac

I would travel back to my previous area in London just to do the weekly shop that's hilarious

I hate to be a pedant Fazackerly but that sounds very much like you don't believe it .

This village, which it undoubtedly is, just happens to be located centrally in a catchment area that has a very wide range. Not even the stretchiest of definitions could call this village a town!

IT IS SO FUCKING BORING. I used to live in a city. I used to wonder if I would prefer to live in the country, and we always holidayed in the country.. I now live in a semi-rural area - right on edge of the LA and right next to forests and a local mountain and real villages. I hate it. Really hate it. It just feels so dead. I miss the buzz of having people and life around me. I miss all the things you can do in the city - all the experiences and variety. Not just the variety of things to do but the variety of the types of people. It is much harder to find people that I really connect to or have something in common with. I do like the access to nature but it doesn't compensate for what I am missing. I sometimes have to stop myself from crying when I walk down our neighbourhood. The stultifyingness of it!

I would say if you have doubts it is probably not for you.

Think about what you like doing and ask if you can do that in the country. Also, ask if you are the sort of person who can get on with ANYONE. As you will need to. I feel really out of it and alone here.

I moved from London to Somerset 3years ago. Although not to retire. I live in a town but can walk to sea or moors in 20mins. I love it here . One thing it is far from my family and grown up kids so don't see them that often. People always they will come but unless they fancy a free weekend by sea they don't. There are lots for retired people here who sold up and got cheaper homes here. I'm only 50 and feel quite young in my area. I have friends that live on Exmoor it's very isolated l couldn't bear that. And public transport is not great here so you have to think about when you can drive.

When my father retired (from a large government department), he attended retirement seminars in which they recommended that if you were planning to move to retire that you stay in the area for a week without a car, because at some point you will no longer be able to drive, and rural life can be very isolating. They live in a market town with good transport links to the nearest city.

Fazackerley the nearest supermarket I knew of was back in London

There was a big supermarket but it was 45 miles away on ordinary roads and it was quicker to go back to London via the motorway than try and get to the “nearest” supermarket.

I did try to fit in but I couldn’t. The people really were not on my wavelength.

I don’t think it was just me because I have met a couple of people who grew up there and they agreed with me that even they felt that their had been a mistake. They loved their families very much but their family thought they were the oddity in wanting to leave the area.

I have seen threads on here about the area and I know I am not alone in thinking that people did have opinions that were a little off the wall.

So your nearest decent supermarket was 45 miles away, yet you were pretty close to London? There isn't anywhere in the south of England (which it must be if going to London was viable) that I can think of fitting that description...

As pp have said, experiences of living rurally or semi rurally will differ hugely depending on where you are. If you're in an arable farming area, any footpaths are likely to be less good, and there will be fewer of them. In areas where farming is mainly pastoral, there may be an extensive network of beautiful footpaths. I'm in North Yorkshire and I imagine my experience is very different to someone in the Midlands or home counties.

The big problem my aunt had when she lived in the country (Dorking) was they lived in a large house next to a bigger house (think mansion) but weren't near a village so felt isolated and needed a car.

They've now moved to a large country house on outskirts of a village - but village within 5-10 minutes walk and she's much happier.

Friend of mine moved with her DH to a large old house on Kent coast - they're a 5-10 minute walk to village but on a busy road. Mice is a huge problem in their house but they've got a cat now. Lots of rabbits whom the farmers hunt and shoot - they don't shoot the ones who come in their garden.

Parents have a holiday home in a hamlet in SW France - countryside - not sure if it's the French or just the fact it's countryside but they tend to be dictated to by the farmer whose field backs onto their garden - e.g. they have to be aware of what he's harvesting, sowing, spraying etc. Again mice problems sometimes. Neighbours who live next door I think are farmers who little or no control over their dogs - but at least they're mostly behind a gate, they do what they like though including getting a loud cockerel a few years ago! No shops at all, used to be a bread van that came there but doesn't anymore. Also depends e.g friends of theirs bought a place in country with small village nearby - when the baker closed the bakery (no one in family wanted to run it anymore) that was a blow for them.

Lots of country people not keen on outsiders and take long time to trust so they found - especially in France! Surprise surprise they're thinking of selling up.

OP - have to say - aunt of similar age to you - she's retired - she found where she lived before and where she moved to - yes life does revolve a bit around the pub but not always. They don't go to church though. also my friends who moved to Kent coast - they got married in church recently so had to go to church etc - they have made a point of mixing with locals a few of whom are 'incomers' but it helps as the DH works in London. They're fairly lucky as quite near two medium/large towns so have that part for social side etc. The one thing people including parents in France worry a lot about and has got worse for parents over past 3-4 years is security and break ins - a large dog is a good idea and alarm system. Be warned - another aunt years ago bought a mansion - and had a business there - they had two dogs and a puppy and the oldest dog was poisoned and died and the puppy had it's legs broken - they think gipsies were involved but my uncle wasn't a nice man and I'm sure he pissed a few people off.

I'm just wondering how isolated you think it's all going to be. And maybe you should try a cottage for the summer first?

I grew up in a cottage in the middle of nowhere. Middle of Dartmoor, Devon. The old game keepers cottage. I walked down a long dirt track, to meet a concrete road, down into the village. There was a church, a pub, and a shop that opened occasionally. I walked up the hill to a bus stop where the school bus collected 8 of us.

I got the bus, walked and then drove to places, had jobs in pubs and cafes and did babysitting.

I had no animal issues with mice or rats, or anything else that people have listed no this thread. I now get more of that in Surrey!!

We had a well stocked freezer and my parents shopped every few days at a humongous Tesco on the way home from work, on their 25 minute commute to the nearest town.

We had full central heating and always a big roaring fire in a huge fireplace in the lounge.

So, all this doom and gloom that many posters paint, is nothing to what I knew.

What exactly/ how bad do you actually think it's going to be OP?

Remodelling there were a lot of winding roads and even just doing 5 miles could take 20minutes even if there were no holdups.

We were about 90minutes from the edge of London. In that time I might have only gone about 25 miles.

East Devon here ( waves to Howls), don't go rural, lovely market towns all over, rural will be a shock imo.

What exactly/ how bad do you actually think it's going to be OP?

Oblomov19 - why the face? I don't think it's going to be bad or I wouldn't be contemplating it .

Who embarks on a major life decision without considering the pros and cons? Just saw this as an opportunity to air some worries - and hopefully have my mind put to rest. Worries based on knowing people who have made similar decisions at our stage of life and it hasn't worked out for them.

Equally I don't want us to base our decision on what our needs might be in our 70s and beyond. I think - hope - we have enough combined experience and sense to relocate in our 70s should the country idyll no longer work for us.

Waves back to MrsFiddy!

I'm with Oblomov19 there does seem a lot of doom and gloom on this thread.

I think the main negative is public transport mainly buses as they have cut lots of rural services. Not a problem if you drive.

There is rural living and living off the grid.

Watch Bad Move with Jack Dee as well as This Country.

Live in a village of less than 500 people - it fucking sucks. The school bus is the only public transport and only comes twice a day. My kids have no independence - I spend my whole life taxiing them around.
The nearest supermarkets are only 15/20 mins away but I hate not being able to walk to anything.

Was just in a big city for a visit and felt so happy. We’re hoping to move this summer to a small town where the kids go to school - and the minute they’ve all left home I’ll be heading to a big town or a city

@Belboeuf - my village fits the same description as yours to a 'T' !
Op, regarding walking on farmland, when we moved here we studied the ordnance survey map. We can walk for miles on public footpaths, no problem. The whole of England is surely criss crossed with paths. I would agree though that walking along narrow country roads can be alarming.
I am a bit anti-social, so not seeing too many people suits me, but it's very much horses for courses, isn't it? If you like a busy social life, the theatre, a choice of good restaurants etc, you would probably be better closer to a town.
I like the quiet, just being able to hear birds and other country sounds. I like the clean air and the lack of traffic. I want to lie in bed an hear owls, not emergency vehicle sirens. We have no mains gas here, one bus a week to a local town, and if you want a taxi you have to book it several weeks in advance. Although supermarkets deliver, you would not be able to get pizza or Chinese or, in fact, any hot food delivered. We have two freezers. I shop once a week (20 mile round trip, so not bad) and always have frozen bread and milk. If you have forgotten something, you go without - our one local shop is very poorly stocked. We have regular power cuts, (wind gets up and the lights go out) but I always keep a good stock of night lights. Both my oh and I have cars; one vehicle would not work for us.
Do you really want a thatched house? They are expensive to maintain and insure and are a fire risk. So many rural thatched cottages go up in smoke. I know a lot of people/owners love them, I am just not keen.
Have you thought of the Herefordshire/Gloucestershire border? (Although I suppose Ross is there more or less, and you like it), but there are some wonderful villages all around there.
I moved west many years ago. One thing I wished I had done was spend more time looking around. I bought a house quite quickly, but, although I loved it, I found places I liked more when I explored more thoroughly. Renting for a while wouldn't be a bad idea; there's nothing like a bit of local knowledge.

Longearedbat - I think the clincher will be finding somewhere where we can take the dogs for a walk without having to get in a car first or attempt to walk on narrow/non-existent pavements. Paths across farmland can be tricky with dogs if there's livestock nearby or if there are styles to negotiate (difficult for older dogs).

Like you, I'm quite anti-social. I'm really bad at maintaining friendships and don't really make use of all the theatres, restaurants etc on my doorstop. When I'm feeling down, the things most likely to lift my spirits are activities like dog walking and gardening.

We've had lots and lots of holidays in the south west over the years so I've got a bit of a feel for it. Renting for a while is a good idea though. Perhaps in the winter might be the time to do it!

I can step out of my house with dogs off lead and walk for miles.

Without seeing another person. Occasionally another dog walker, a horse rider or a farmer. Bliss.

I do love walking my dog as well, we walk along a river a lot, usually see nobody else, although my dog is very friendly and is happy to meet other dogs.
Not much livestock around me, mainly fields of rapeseed, wheat, broccoli (yes fields full look great) and coriander.
I just wish we could walk to a dog friendly pub, but they are all too far away.