Life in the country - the reality

[tinstar]

DH is keen for us to retire to the country having spent all our married life on the outskirts of a big city.

I don't like where we live now - too crowded, noisy, dirty and crime is on the rise.

But I'm scared that I will feel lonely and isolated in the country. We've looked on line at some beautiful properties in the south-west. Great in summer but in the winter .....

I wondered if anyone has made a similar move and if it worked for them?

Apart from finding it difficult to make friends another concern (please don't laugh) is that if we get a house with a thatched roof or outbuildings, we'll have to cope with mice or even rats.

Any advice?

Well, you certainly can't walk from a rural house to a village shop on roads, in most places, unless you're happy to walk on a narrow verge and risk being knocked into the ditch by passing cars -- but you will usually be able to walk between villages on field paths. However, this is quite often not practicable on a regular basis.

I live in a village with no doctor's surgery -- that's in the next village. Walking to it on the roads would involve a death-defying trudge along a busy, winding national speed limit road with narrow verges. It is possible to walk there on field paths, but it's a good two and a half miles of fairly hilly terrain, and the local soil is so heavily clay-y that in wet weather, you have to walk around arable field verges rather than on unusable field paths, which probably adds another mile or more.

(We moved here because it had two bus services, but in the six years we've been here, one service was axed completely, and the other is two-hourly on weekdays, often unreliable, and under threat.)

On the other hand, there are a variety of very pleasant paths extending from the village in all directions, for general walking, though I've found almost no one from our large village full of dog walkers seems to use them much.

tinstar I live next door to the village shop, we call it the Pantry 😂 it really is a godsend, we would be lost without it!
I have a dog and can do lots of walks from the Village, but lots of pubs near me don’t let dogs inside, it’s very annoying.
At weekends we often go in the car to walk the dog then drop into a dog friendly pub, it’s just a shame that we have to get in the car first.

It took me a long while to realise that my friends in the village are all incomers too.
Many of the locals ...well, there is no common ground. I don't really understand. There's a huge collective non interest in anything. Except who has walked on whose front lawn. Whose wedding photos are better than whose. Who might have dementia next,
Clubs like Beavers, with great events laid on, have few members.
The pub is a bit of a social centre if you like drinking.
The church is supported by a few elderly women.

Driving is essential. The power went off again last night.

"(We moved here because it had two bus services, but in the six years we've been here, one service was axed completely, and the other is two-hourly on weekdays, often unreliable, and under threat.)"

This is so important. It's happening in a lot of rural locations. You can't guarantee that services that are provided in the present will still be there in 10 years. Add in the necessity for a car to avoid isolation/get shopping and the increasing problems many people experience as they age that make driving more difficult if not impossible, and you have a real issue.

I have lived rurally (Ireland), nearest neighbours were a mile away down a rocky mountain road.

The summer isn't too bad, it's nice if you like wildlife, would be awful if you don't. I saw lots of birds like kites and hawks that you would be unlikely to see in a town or even a village. The mice are worse rurally, rats seem to be more of a city thing but we never had any trouble with them. We did have a problem with foxes hiding some of their kills though, and fox poo is truly vile. On the other hand, we did catch a glimpse of the cubs at one point which was pretty cool.

You really do have to be organised regarding supplies, of everything in my case (food, fuel for car and cooking and heating, medicines etc). In winter even more so as sometimes the roads are impassable with snow /ice.

At least one big freezer is a good idea.

The social side can be tough too but I'm a perrenial misanthrope and introvert so it didn't bother me too much. I would it would if I was the type to be unhappy without company/social stuff to do.

I prefer living on the outskirts of the city I live in now. Plenty of countryside on the doorstep, don't have to plan everything so far in advance, have everything in walking distance (from a major supermarket, Dr, and gym to a meadow with a woodland and stream) and it's really the best of both worlds.

I certainly wouldn't recommend it unless you like driving in sometimes difficult conditions, are very organised, in good health, and don't mind the wildlife too much.

There's no such thing as 'the country'. Every area has its own characteristics, esp depending on the wealth, industries, distance from big cities etc. If you move to rural Yorkshire it's quite different from Hertfordshire or somewhere!

I think the place where Londoners looking to escape will be happiest is the places other Londoners go, so you can meet them and make friends. That usually means a few hours from London, near a motorway and a fairly big city. I think it's much harder if you move somewhere properly different culturally and where you're cut off from what you're used to, like rural Wales or something.

Great thread OP - following it closely as DH and I have always spoken about moving when we retire (happening shortly!). Originally Dorset/East Devon were our choices, but we are now thinking more and more that access to a large town for theatres etc. is important to us.

And a good train service to London (or wherever the DC end up!)

I live in East Devon and the train service is good to London, although expensive. Takes 20mins for me to get to the nearest city via rail.
Lots of pockets of villages along the southwest railway.

Also, it's no good thinking you'll walk along roads and footpaths.
Walking on the roads is close to suicide. The winding lanes, in Devon anyway, have no verge. It is truly scary as people drive so fast, especially farmers and anyone with a 4x4.

The paths exist but are mostly so muddy that it is really heavy going. There is often a Right of Way on farmland, but that doesn't mean the landowner will not hate you for using it. And make that clear.

Even the Brownies closed here as there were only two or three girls. There are loads of children here , a school full, but only the after-school clubs are busy. The youth football club recently appealed for players.

There are still buses on the main road but the ones that used to divert into the village have been axed. It doesn't look far to the main road on a map, but it's a very steep hill. The bus fare is also shockingly steep.

There's no such thing as 'the country'.

True, and Billy's post has just reminded me of how very different rural Ireland is to any part of rural England I have lived in.

We live rurally, we are lucky that we have a tiny village school and a naice pub but that's about it. We absolutely love it, it's idlyic and peaceful, however there are huge downsides such as miles of single track roads to the nearest market town which is a popular tourist town but the reality is it is rife with drugs, bored youngsters, knives etc. 45mins to drive 13 miles to the nearest town for cinema, clubs etc. Dd has to be driven to the school bus in another town. Oil heating is expensive. No streetlights. Also expect to pull your weight and get involved, you'll probably have a welcoming committee once you've moved, it can be very intense!

"I saw lots of birds like kites and hawks that you would be unlikely to see in a town or even a village."

There is more wildlife in some parts of the countryside, but in others where there's a lot of monoculture farming and industrial agriculture, it's empty. Like houston perceptively said upthread, there's no one 'rural'. Equally, there's a lot of wildlife in parts of some cities. Above my totally average sized suburban garden, I regularly see peregrines, buzzards, sparrowhawks, and kestrels, with owls sometimes visiting at night. I have had about 30 species of birds actually visit my feeders, a badger and a fox family visit the garden at night, there are dragonflies and frogs in the pond, and plenty of butterflies and moths (including some redlist moth species). Urban nature can be surprisingly rich!

I would aim for a village so that you can integrate yourselves into the community. Villages vary widely in their character so it would be a good idea to find one with a vibrant community. Ours is great. There are tennis courts, sports teams, fitness classes in the village hall, am dram, knitting groups, guest lectures, you name it! Plenty of opportunities to meet people. However, other villages locally have very little going on so choose one that suits the lifestyle you want.

Does your DH want to be miles and miles away from the nearest neighbour, or does he just want a bit of peace and quiet? It's possible to get a 'remote' feeling without actually being that far away from a town, especially in the Midlands.

EG: We live surrounded by sheep and orchards in a village of fewer than 100 people, with a brilliant little village shop/PO, on a network of footpath/bridleways that are quiet enough for my reactive dog but sufficiently popular that if I fell over and broke my leg I wouldn't be lying there undiscovered for hours. Once a week I can hear the bellringers practising across the fields in the next village. DH walks to the popular village pub. The stars at night are incredible.

But despite this rural idyll, we're only 10 mins from the main town where there's ALL the supermarkets (and they all deliver), a hospital, train station, cathedral, etc, and the county-wide superfast fibre broadband is quicker than my sister gets in Newcastle.

OP, I think you need to find an area you like, then investigate how far out of the main towns you can bear want to live. You might have to compromise a bit about the car, though - depending on where you live, rural public transport can vary from adequate to non-existent.

Sorry for repeat contributions

I think the idea that one needs total peace and quiet is really easy to believe when surrounded by the stresses of work. I was caught up in a terrorist attack, and after it happened I thought I wanted to move from the big city to a really super rural place. Actually, I was just traumatised and the move to the country turned out to be the worst possible idea.

We have family members who did this. They are now in their mid 60's and to start with it was fine. Then shortly after they moved to the middle of nowhere at the top of a hill, one developed a heart condition and the other a problem with walking. They have just moved back to a large town.

I think you have to imagine living in a village without a church, pub, schools, buses and shops and then decide if it is appealing.

A lot of these amenities are closing and without them you should think about would you still be happy.

Think it depends on village whether things are likely to close but generally the smaller the village and schools the more of a risk. Our village school is 1,000 and oversubscribed and outstanding rated so risk of it closing is pretty close to zero. A village with a school with a capacity of 100 but only 50 would be much higher risk.

It's same with pubs and shops, how busy are they and how viable are they. Is population increasing / decreasing / are there employment opportunities around. Villages around here nothing is closing though bus routes get changed so wouldn't rely on buses but its an area close to a city with lots of outstanding schools and rising population. In a more tourist dependent area you may need to see if a difference in summer and winter.

You have a 4+ form entry village school??

The secondary in village is 180 per year so 6 classes of 30 per year, several villages round here have schools that size though obviously not 180 kids per year from the village. Lots of families with 4 kids and kids come from several other villages.

Our village primary has about 15/20 per year 😳 1 form entry.
60 new houses being built so hopefully it will survive.

Dds has 7 kids inc her in her year at primary. The year she left reception only had one kid.

The primary has about 60 a year two form entry which is same as when we were by London. I actually wanted a smaller secondary but there's about 6 secondaries in villages here, all about 1000 per school and other smaller villages with no schools. Few thousand people living in villages with the schools in (c4000 each) so maybe 50 or so kids in each year come from villages schools in (if assume population is evenly split between ages and people live to 80) and rest are bussed in. Some seem to come from miles away but all have waiting lists.

The next village has a Church controlled primary school.
The reception year intake over the last few years had been something like 5,6,6,4,3,2,3. The year there were four they were all girls. In one tiny year group, two had major behavioural issues and one didn't. This small a school can be lovely, but there are also drawbacks; the peer group is so small, there may be no one to be friends with.

Also, bear in mind that the countryside can be really bloody noisy! The cacophony of the dawn chorus outside the window at my DM's house is FAR louder than the one I get at home. Tractors are noisy (and dirty), combine harvesters are noisy and throw up unbelievable amounts of dust so you have to close your windows during harvest, barns owls aren't called screech owls for nothing, foxes bark, people have cockerels that cock-a-fucking-doodle-do at 4am in summertime, and there can be noisy festivals or other all day and late into the night music events. I swear it's noisier in the country than the drone of traffic I can hear at home on the edge of a city.