Life in the country - the reality

[tinstar]

DH is keen for us to retire to the country having spent all our married life on the outskirts of a big city.

I don't like where we live now - too crowded, noisy, dirty and crime is on the rise.

But I'm scared that I will feel lonely and isolated in the country. We've looked on line at some beautiful properties in the south-west. Great in summer but in the winter .....

I wondered if anyone has made a similar move and if it worked for them?

Apart from finding it difficult to make friends another concern (please don't laugh) is that if we get a house with a thatched roof or outbuildings, we'll have to cope with mice or even rats.

Any advice?

OP, look at Ross-on-Wye in Herefordshire- the perfect market town surrounded by stunning countryside and adjacent to the glorious Wye Valley. Great road connections; loads to do, great range of places to eat locally and such a friendly place. Vibrant arts scene too and a lovely mix of property.

Lots of my family live there and locally and none have problems with mice/rats although they do all have cats.

Herefordshire is such a stunning county and Ross just has it all.

Dancing - we have looked at a couple of properties around Ross-on-Wye. It is a lovely area and good value for money. The downside is the absence of any rail service. Still an option though!

The happiest retirees who have downsized we know went from living in the suburbs in a 4 bed detached which they sold along with everything else including their cars and moved to a uber modern apartment in central London and furnished it with all uber modern furniture.

They either walk, taxi or get the tube everywhere. They are only a stones throw from pubs, restaurants and all of London night life, museums, parks and shops and they love it and think everyone should do it.

If they need a car to visit grown up children they rent one

As you liked Ross have you thought of Abergavenny - just over the border in Wales - lovely market town with good rail links both to Cardiff and to Manchester

they love it and think everyone should do it

Good for them. Pretty much completely out if the reach of most though

I moved from London to a small village with a shop and pub. We had teenagers, but they went to school 15 miles away.
I think success very much depends on the type of village you move to, here it’s all about primary school, church, pub, cricket club. We aren’t part of any of them!

We did try when we first moved here, but now I’ve given up. I love my house it’s just not the right place for us.

A friend recently did the same type of thing and the village she’s moved to is much more open and inviting.

My DC are going to university soon and DH and I will sell the house and move to a flat back in London and have a much fuller life again. I will be happy to sell the 3 cars we currently need to survive!

Oliversmumsarmy - it's London we're trying to escape from!

I love London but I would hate to live there. I need green wild spaces and lots of animals! I enjoy visiting London three or four times a year but can't wait to get home to the countryside. I have friends that are constantly eating out and going to exhibitions and it looks knackering

Depends how far out you want to go and where. It can be pitch black at night. Internet services/mobile etc can be limited to non functional.
As PP's have mentioned, groceries can be tricky, you really need to plan what you need, and if you're a cautious person, spares in case you get cut off or your local shop runs out.
Village life, everyone knows everything about everyone 5 minutes before they've even done it lol.

I love London but I would hate to live there. I need green wild spaces and lots of animals

Try Regents Park. Lots of green space and wild animals aplenty

Are you being serious!?

Rats are everywhere,nice healthy brown rats in rural areas.
Rent first.I live living rurally and am happy with my own company.
If you have no small children at least you will not be ferrying them everywhere but it means making friends is harder.
Winter is fine if you have a nice warm house.
A good sized village may suit you better but small picturesque villages are full of people who all drive off for work in the morning so can be almost empty.

There's a direct train from Hereford to London - takes 3 hrs direct, or quicker if you go via Newport - and only an hour or so to Birmingham/Cardiff/Bristol.

I've lived around the west mids - Herefordshire, Gloucestershire - and while it's all been quite rural, nowhere's felt completely miles away from civilisation in the way parts of Scotland or Wales can be. As PPs have said, there are plenty of small market towns that you live on the outskirts of (eg, Ledbury, Malvern, Chepstow, Monmouth), and have all the excitement of being snowed in for 20 mins once every three years, and none of the panic of genuinely needing the air ambulance.

Actually the main reason we will go back to London is all our friends are still there, friends we’ve had for years, we’ve spent the last 6 years living in the countryside, which is lovely, but it’s been lonely, we are sociable people, but you can’t replace long time true friends.

We moved from London to thatched cottage in a large village in countryside last year and all love it. Haven't seen a mouse yet, had a few in London house. The thatched roof is beautiful and love looking at it everyday, only issue is cost and we are listed and conservation area - quite rightly but makes any work more complicated.

A large village may work well for you both. We have everything within walking distance as I don't drive and think that's better anyway for kids and for when older. Within 5 mins walk are schools, doctors, supermarket, pub by river, gym, tennis courts, even a zoo. Clubs and the gym is available every night for children plus forces cadets clubs.

Very friendly and very welcoming - we got invited to 3 street parties in last few months. There's lots of clubs with activities for adults and plenty of ways to meet.

I've always said that when the kids left home and if dh died id move back to London. It's probably a nice place to be if you live on your own.

Fazackerley

If that post was for me, yes perfectly serious.

You can see the giraffes if you are around one area and the little monkeys have been known to escape in to the park.

Loads of wild animals and green open spaces

I think if you're worried about being isolated then you need to make sure you don't move to tourist central where it's all holiday cottages. You won't build up relationships and there'll be few people about in the winter.

I get that your dh wants to be isolated but you can't move somewhere to please him which will make you unhappy. I'd love to emigrate but I know dh doesn't want to so we don't.

I live in a village with a population of about 3000, maybe 4000 now....they're always building. There's quite a lot of stuff going on. I've lived here all my life but I certainly don't feel isolated. There's plenty of kids activities and clubs, toddler groups, history group, WI, drama club, book clubs, bowls, etc.

The best thing for me is that it's a 10 min train ride into the nearby (small) city. So I think good transport links are something to think about. Especially if you're retiring and want this to be a long term move. You never know if in 10-20 years you might still be ok to live in your home but unable to drive. So being on a bus route, near a train station is worth considering.

Ok well if you are really serious its not quite the same

It's like comparing a big London art exhibition with a provincial local watercolour artist exhibition (Regents Park has it's charms but it's not what I'm looking for!)

I think your DH is probably looking at things through rose-tinted glasses. I grew up in a small market town, parents still there. There are shops and things going on but it depends what you like to do, it's fairly limited really. In my parents house you can't really get a mobile signal and the broadband is acceptable for basic browsing or shopping. There is one cashpoint in town and only one bank. The others have closed. Not much for children to do so you do get older teens hanging around. My brother lives even more rurally, he has septic tank, has to drive to even get a pint of milk. He likes it but if you are older it would not be ideal as if you were unable to drive you would be entirely stuck. OTOH, my aunt and uncle moved from very rural to edge of village and my aunt is much happier as she has a community she can walk to (she doesn't drive, my uncle is not in best of health) and she has proper central heating and facilities. It is so variable you really need to research, and renting first would be a very good idea.

My parents live in a noisy suburb of a big city, they're 80, over the years a lot of their friends have moved to the countryside and they often considered it too but never happened. So yes it's noisy but they benefit from being on a bus route with buses every 8 minutes, and all the facilities they need including a top hospital. Meanwhile one friend in the country now widowed and with eye problems has had to give up driving and is spending hundreds of pounds on taxis every month and is always snowed in during winter. There's no community spirit as everyone else seems to be busy young families. She couldn't even find anyone who would put her dustbin out just once. It's easy to think when you're young that these things are decades away but time flies!

My friend moved somewhere very rural years ago. A tiny village that did have a shop and a pub.
After 2 years the shop and the pub closed down, their owners had both retired and no one else wanted to take them on.
She found it very hard after this and had to have stocks of UHT milk in all time. The things she struggled with was:
Having to use expensive oil to cook and heat the house.
The fact she had to drive everywhere all the time. It was impossible to walk from village to village. They were surrounded by farm land they couldn’t walk on.
Her older children hated it (teenagers) and they often had to be sent to grandparents at weekends.
They lived somewhere snow was an issue and they were snowed in/out several times.
She was surprised hardly anyone visited. It didn’t surprise me, it was over an hour away from where she was from and a difficult drive.
Food was very expensive compared to town.

Saying that, she wants to move back but once her children have all grown up.

It was impossible to walk from village to village. They were surrounded by farm land they couldn’t walk on.

This is something that really worries me, particularly as a dog owner. We've done lots of country cottage holidays over the years and it's amazing how often the lovely open, rolling countryside is completely inaccessible. And how often to get to the handy local village shop you have to walk on very narrow pavements or even the side of the road. I've told DH I won't live anywhere which requires us to be totally reliant on a car for everything.

I get that your dh wants to be isolated but you can't move somewhere to please him which will make you unhappy.

Completely agree with this. 30 years ago my MIL moved to a rural location because that's what FIL wanted. We never knew how unhappy she was until he died. She spent 8 months doing up the house, putting in a new boiler, getting the roof fixed, getting it all painted out, and then she sold it and moved! He died in Jan, she moved out in Dec of the same year. Don't be like my MIL. She apparently hated living up there, nothing within walking distance, always having to get in a car, generator needed in winter for when the power went out (which it always did once or twice), being snowed in, etc.

Re: rats. Yes, rats are everywhere. I remember walking to the tube station one morning and seeing a dead rat lying on the pavement, also seen them in the country. Mice, however, are actually more of a problem in the country, particularly if you're surrounded by fields.

I'd rent out your London property and rent somewhere in a location you like for a year and see how it goes. That way you aren't tied. It's such a risk to up sticks and move somewhere that you don't already know well. We rented for three years before we committed to buying!