Life in the country - the reality

[tinstar]

DH is keen for us to retire to the country having spent all our married life on the outskirts of a big city.

I don't like where we live now - too crowded, noisy, dirty and crime is on the rise.

But I'm scared that I will feel lonely and isolated in the country. We've looked on line at some beautiful properties in the south-west. Great in summer but in the winter .....

I wondered if anyone has made a similar move and if it worked for them?

Apart from finding it difficult to make friends another concern (please don't laugh) is that if we get a house with a thatched roof or outbuildings, we'll have to cope with mice or even rats.

Any advice?

I have lived in a large village. If this is a forever type move Bear in mind that you may not always be able to drive. The nearest bus stop to my place was a mile down the road, much further for others. There were a number of older people who were initially fully involved in the village but then isolated due to poor eyesight. That is also true for needing care/ regular prescriptions.

I think this is a terrible idea. It's a dream for a lot of people, but the practicalities of it are not good.

The fact is, as we get older, we tend to get more ill and more isolated. Being further from good medical facilities is not a good idea - and by 'good medical facilties', I mean a decent, large hospital which acts as a centre for most types of care. I got seriously ill in my 30s, and being close to the place where you are getting regular treatment is actually really helpful when it comes to reducing the stress and the burden of being ill.

There's also not that much to do. What's the point of being retired if you can't go to great art exhibitions, concerts, lectures, book festivals, cinema, or out for dinner at a huge range of restaurants because you have to drive hours home afterwards? What's the point if you can't hang out with a large group of friends and really enjoy yourselves? Isn't it better to live amongst that stuff, and to drive out to the country when you want to walk?

The other thing about some place in the south west is that they are a nightmare to get to. PIL live in Dorset, and the roads are just horrible - they're not even dual carriageways in places and they are full of bloody caravans. It means that it takes 5-6 hours to get there, which is a nightmare on top of extremely busy and stressful jobs with long hours. We don't see them more than 2 or 3 times a year because of this.

You can get modern homes even in the country so less likely to get mice in them. However you will get them in an older cottage. They party it up in our converted outbuilding every winter, despite those sonic deterrent things. This year they completely destroyed 3 sofa beds.

Anyway, other factors:

Powercuts. We get them every winter.
Bore holes and septic tanks. Our bore hole just caved in and will cost £7000 to replace. Seems quite a high price to pay for the privilege of water!
Everyone knows everyone. They will know (and judge) you before you know them. There will be politics and dramas.
It's a big mission getting to London. From Cornwall it is anyway. Somerset wouldn't be so bad especially if you're in striking distance to Bristol.
Insects. There are creepy crawlies everywhere, you can't keep them out of the house, especially those daddy-long-legs in the autumn. I have a phobia of them which is miserable.
Tractors. Nothing like being stuck behind one when you're running late for work.
Tourists. You can't move in the summer without tripping over them.
Horrific blood sports are taking place around you and you can't do anything about it.
You're pretty limited to one or 2 local shops and pubs. Depending on where you are, getting to town might be a bit of a task.
Your car will be scratched to bits and always filthy.
It can take a long time for emergency help to reach you. My family called an ambulance when I had breathing difficulties a few years back and it took a full hour to arrive.
Mud. There's so much mud. And manure. You want good wellies!
The locals are largely retiring age going on elderly. Obviously that's fine if you are too, but if you're younger it's not so easy finding friends of a similar age.

That list sounds really negative. It's just things to think about, my 'positives' list would be longer! I'm glad I live in the countryside.

downcasteyes you definitely don't have the same priorities as most of the people who live happily in the countryside.

I grew up in the country and would never move back. In fact, I shudder at the thought of it. My DPs and much of my family still live in the country and I'm always being asked by friends and relatives if we'd move back one day and I have to make a serious effort not to yell 'No fucking way!' and say something anodyne like 'Oh we're used to where we are now and DH's work, the DC, bla bla bla'.

FurrySlipperBoots has mentioned a lot of stuff that would seriously put me off, and if you're used to a suburban/urban life even if you want more peace and quiet, less crime, etc, you absolutely don't have to move to the sticks to get that. Since you and your DH are not in agreement on this you are both going to need to compromises. Personally, and given where you live now, I would aim to move to a small city with countryside on the doorstep, a market town or at least a decent-sized village with amenities. If you're retiring then you need to think long-term, so if you're 60s now then think what you'll need when you're in your 80s (a handy doctor's surgery and pharmacy, being able to shop locally, public transport if you can't drive, etc). So many rural parts of England have terrible public transport, so do look into this. Also, where is the nearest hospital? My dad was recently admitted and the round trip for my step-mother every day was approx. 2.5 hours to visit him.

One final thing - people will all say 'We'll come and visit you!'. They will come - once or twice maybe - but after that they won't. We visit my family, who are approx. 100 miles away, but the last half of the journey is all single-track roads, 3-4 times a year. It's too much of a PITA to go more often and you always get stuck behind a filthy tractor or sugar beet lorry so the first thing I do when I get home is take my car to get washed (but I realise this isn't everyone's priority)

Small village dweller here and yes, things centre around school life for families and village hall clubs for seniors. The school isn't even in our village but it's like a cluster of small nearby ones that make up the larger area. All about 2-3 miles apart and walkable via fields and tracks.

Driving is a must. I'd be lonely and wouldn't live here without a car.

On the other hand, small but popular market towns are brilliant places to live if you pick the right one.

The other thing to add to juneau's excellent post is that living in the city needn't mean living far from the countryside. By car or bus from my house it's 20 minutes to the increasingly vibrant heart of one of the UK's largest cities, and 15 minutes (max) to some of England's most beautiful countryside.

It needn't be an either/or.

Fazackerly - Yes, I definitely do like having a foothold in urban life. But the point about isolation, the difficulty for relatives to visit, and the problem of getting to hospitals when ill does still stand.

I think part of the issue is community. Loads of people are retiring in their early 60s, and they are young. It's easy to think the future will look a lot like the past if you still have your energy and healthy. But if you look at the issues of older age that are potentially just a bit down the road - isolation, mobility problems, lack of ability to drive combined with closure of rural public transport routes, need to have regular access to a hospital - you can see how an urban environment might make a lot more sense. Of course, you can move at an older age - but then you face the uphill battle of trying to develop your place in a new community when you are ill and lacking in energy.

This happened in DH's family - his grandfather refused to move until it was too late (multiple strokes), then ended up being moved to be closer to family he didn't particularly like at a time when he could no longer leave the house to make new friends. Result? Disastrous loneliness, isolation, and ill-health without the support of friends and wider social networks.

I grew up rural and prefer facilities nearby on foot.

living in the city needn't mean living far from the countryside

I agree! We live on the outskirts of a small, cathedral city and I can WALK to the countryside. Within 20 mins I can be surrounded by cows, fields and a stream running alongside me. So be open-minded and cast your net wide. You really can have the best of both worlds if you go looking for it.

The community in our village is brilliant .can't think of anywhere I'd rather grow old tbh.

We have lived semi rurally and rurally for the past 19 years and have found villages we've lived in very different. Whilst many had no facilities (except either a church or a phone box) the age range of the village is key and a good indicator of what life is like in each. The wider the age range the better. We were completely taken in by the vendor when we purchased our last house, we were told us our village was community orientated, friendly, hosted plenty of social events, had young families as well as older people. We didn't check any of it out and soon found out we'd moved to a hamlet of elderly recluses, who were neither particularly friendly nor interested in their neighbours. Some were downright rude. We also found out the vendor knew nobody in the village despite living there for 18 years. We felt very isolated and despite arranging a few get-togethers, nothing changed, nor were they reciprocated. We eventually decided to organise a village social event one summer evening and 3 days ahead of the event had to cancel as we'd only sold 10 tickets. So, after 7 years we left and moved into our first modern house in a town and are happy here. My advice would to do your homework before buying; any rural or semi-rural home: Stop people in the areas you are considering and ask what life is like there, would they recommend it, how do they spend their leisure time. I'd also read noticeboards and the local newspapers to see what's going on. If there's a pub, you've got an advantage straight away. We are a sociable couple and if we'd done those things, we'd never have bought our last house. And yes for us a 4 x4 was a necessity.

I live in a village in Somerset and have done all my life (I moved out of my parents into the same village 8 years ago). I can honestly say the only rat of mice I've ever encountered has been brought in dead by one of my cats from the fields and my parents lived in the middle of fields and farms. I would say the village I'm in is now mainly retired people, definitely due to the fact young families generally can not afford £350k for a tiny 3 bed semi. I do love it though, everybody is polite and says hello, stops to chat (especially if you have dogs), there's such a lovely community and it's so peaceful! We're also only a 10-15 minute drive from the local large town. I'm going to be sad to leave when we need a bigger home.

You can’t possibly think there are no rats or mice in the city??

Lived rurally in Dorset and Somerset, I like it and prefer it to the urban life. You get used to the Get used the mud, and wildlife. You learn to be self sufficient and keep stocks of food, fuel and spare parts.

Moved from rural UK to Remote USA. Here there is no help if I break a leg I am on my own. (Other than DH and DC)

Worst thing about rural SW is when it gets to 4.05pm on a Sunday and you realise you have no wine.

It can be... Mud, bugs, wind, expensive oil fired heating. Surrounded by pretty countryside that is off limits to pedestrians. Must get in car for a pint of milk. Locals only really rally when someone dares to suggest home-building.

OP I'm Dorset born & bred, spent 20 years living in central London, and now live in Somerset. Without a doubt I saw more rats & mice in London than I've ever seen here. Just to be on the safe side, we do have the "pest man" come round every other month to bait/ check the loft & outbuildings. And we NEVER feed the birds in the garden, that's just asking for trouble.

There are so few properties in the SW that are really isolated, and that doesn't sound what you are looking for anyway. You know there are modern houses in the countryside, and recently renovated, and lots that aren't thatched?

We moved to the village in which we now live 4 years ago and it did take a while to build up a network of friends - you have to really work at it. I don't have children, we're both teetotall & atheists so the "pub, church & school" thing is claptrap. There's loads of other ways to make friends and meet people you just have to give it a go. Good luck

We have lived in a Gloucestershire village which was definitely a church, pub, school social life type of village. We have also lived in a village near Leicestershire which was very 'closed' to incomers. We now live in a lovely Warwickshire village that has a very lively social life- village hall, Gardening club, quiz nights, social club, band nights, a canal and a train station so it's easy to get into the local town or even into Birmingham etc. We love it.

We live on the outskirts of a large village in Leicestershire. I think we have the best of both worlds. The setting is definitely rural; I can currently see a herd of cattle contentedly grazing in the field outside.

The village centre has pubs, cafes, restaurants, a bakery, butcher, greengrocer, hairdresser and a small supermarket. We are about 10 miles from Leicester and 20 from Nottingham. It’s a great compromise between town & country living.

If you are going to move to a village in the SW it is also essential to watch 'This Country' so you can see the realities.

Lots of very helpful advice - thank you. Sounds like a compromise is in order and somewhere on the edge of a village/market town would be better than the total isolation DH craves!

Both sets of parents made what turned out to be unwise retirement moves. Great places in their 50s and 60s; not so great once they got to mid-70s. If we do make a move to the country it would be knowing that we would move somewhere more sensible - if necessary - before we get too old and infirm to manage it.

Moving too far from adult dcs is also an issue. So we need to get the balance right there.

Having lived in modern houses all my life I was really craving somewhere old with character, but then I started worrying about the drawbacks!

Like a previous poster said, watch 'This Country' on iplayer if you want to get an idea of what village life can be like.

I live reasonably rurally in the south west. 7 miles to the nearest town, useless public transport so you have to drive. We have some basic services and a few outreach type things like a post office that comes twice a week, fish and chip vans etc. We have a small convenience store. You can end up stuck in the village for days if it snows or gets icy as it's not on a gritting route. I already had a few friends that lived here before I moved so it wasn't too hard to build up a network, however I have school age kids so I've made a few mum friends that way.

You need to consider things like poor broadband, the fact an ambulance can take a long time (our local first responder is also the local funeral director so a bit of a conflict of interests there ) oil central heating, no cable TV, if a social life is important to you it gets expensive with taxis etc - costs £35 for a one way taxi from the closest town after midnight.

bowchica - We all know a Kerry Mucklow .