Worried about early retirement? Will I be bored?

[Autumnandspring]

10 years ago after a bit of a hellish personal life, I knew I would be working until I was over 70- it was exhausting, grinding and relentless, I cried most nights when the kids were in bed. I was working as a teacher - full time and single parent and renting. I was dealing with a really horrible ex husband and my parents are abusive, I was 40 when I developed a serious auto immune disease - chronic fatigue and weight gain is a symptom of this. Around the time of my divorce. I was forced to sell my house (marital home) to clear debts. It looked bleak

As of October 2024 my life was very different. I’m married. Three children - two adult and one young secondary school age. I’m part time. (0.8). When I met my now husband he was working part time and had no mortgage etc and he wanted me to marry him and whatever was his was ours he said, so it changed my life financially. I didn’t marry him because of this. He is a lovely man. He stopped work as he was 55 and has gone back to do a post graduate degree that he always wanted to. Suddenly I owned a home again (I lost mine in my divorce as my ex was vicious legally costing me tens of thousands of pounds). This changed my life massively. I dropped to 0.8 love having one day a week off but I tended to run around doing life admin etc on that day off although I’m getting better at not booking stuff in. I am now diagnosed as autistic and adhd around my auto immune disease which explains my burnout and exhaustion. My ex gives me no real grief any more as my husband is just there as the big friendly giant in the background and like most bullies my ex husband is under it all a coward. Plus two of the children are adults and one is a teenager.

But my life has changed again ….I’m estranged from my family as they are physically and emotionally abusive I’ve been estranged from them most of my life so I expected no inheritance. The plan was work until August 2028 and retire early at 55 and collect my good pension and alongside my husbands decent pension and we would have a good quality life. I didn’t expect to inherit anything as my parents are abusive but I have inherited, from a friend that was ill and had no family (an old teaching colleague). To my shock she has left me everything a few months ago- this equates after inheritance tax to a property (3 bed) in a nice holiday area (other side of country from us) which is currently rented to a long term tenant. This brings in £10K a year at well below market rent as he’s a good tenant but it could be double this but I have no intention of raising the rent. Plus the house itself and large cash sums. After IHT I have also inherited £500 K -a huge sum of money in addition to the house.

I intend to keep the house and tenant. My friend like me was a teacher and she left at 53. In her letter of wishes, she asks me to use the money to pay off any mortgage, retire early and ‘set the children up with good deposits’ and have ‘nice holidays and make memories’.

In August 2028 I was planning to take my teachers pension (55) and leave work. I am currently 53, I’m now stupidly terrified. At 55, I could of (pre inheritance) lived happily and very comfortably off my pension and my husbands pensions alone - the lump sum (of just my pension) is more than enough to install solar panels, air con and convert the garage, and get two newish cars (currently have 15 years old) this would still leave us with a good income between us of over £60 K a year (pensions taken early and combined) and no mortgage or debts. In fact the solar panels will mean our house are negligible. Pensions - This would rise to £75 K a year in ten years time between us and this is not touching my husbands lump sum. I have always grafted hard - university, single parent, teacher and parent. This was before receiving the inheritance. Now I could go (resign) at Easter or in the summer this year.

I am terrified. I’m terrified of leaving work. I am well respected at work - but days after today (challenging year 11 period 6) I’m just exhausted. I don’t get many but parental complaints and just relentless politics and sometimes colleagues moaning etc I don’t work on Fridays this morning I had 57 emails to read and respond to and a 6 period teaching day.

My husband is doing a post grad degree. We had started future proofing eg LISAs for the children with good deposits in. We got an allotment last year. I’ve joined t’ai chi on Friday and a yoga class. I’m still struggling with my auto immune disease and my husband now says to go private for blood tests etc and get correct dose meds if needed and just sleep and eat well and read for the year if needed. But take a year to plan what I want my retirement to look like.

Why the hell and I terrified of leaving teaching? Should I? Or should I stay and apply next year in 2028? I’m exhausted.

I am worried as right now if you told me I couldn’t go back tomorrow I feel I could sleep for a month I’m that exhausted. I’m about 4 stone overweight. I love cold water swimming. We have a seasonal membership (I normally go once a week on a Saturday due to planning and marking) but my husband pointed out we could go every day after dropping youngest at a school and then I could read, got to the allotment or whatever - all sounds good so why am I terrified?

Help!

Well you have turned your life around. There's really no reason to be fearful. Most people wonder how they ever found time to go out to work. I don't miss it at all, it lovely being able to please yourself. You can go on short breaks/holidays at the drop of a hat, learn a new skill, volunteer, be available for children/grandchildren. I have a dog who gets me out twice a day and insists on making friends too. Get a plan together, research organisations etc. No reason to be bored, the world is your oyster.

Loss of status and purpose maybe? It's something that pre retirement courses emphasise to prospective retirees and is something they must come to terms with. It is not financial in your case, and you are very fortunate there.

Today you are a respected and successful teacher, after retirement you are Ms. Mary Bloggs, no title, no job, just you.

I was in a similar boat, but not a teacher. I had the opportunity to leg it early on a generous package and I couldn't make my mind up, I was scared like you, but couldn't put my finger on why. It was going into civvy street where no one cared about my profession, my qualifications, my worklife achievements etc.

I got my head around that and went! Never had one single moment of regret. Not one. We don't know what life will throw at us, so best to enjoy it now and hope for the best.

I retired from teaching early at 60. I’m still doing lots of supply for my old school. The difference is that I can say no if I want to go on holiday and there are no twilight insets; marking; Ofsted; emails; lesson prep!

I know how you feel I’m 3 years from planned retirement at 55 and while I can’t wait, I’m also aware that a lot of my identity is tied to my job and im not sure how I’ll feel once it’s gone. My plan is to find part time work in something I’ll hopefully enjoy to give me some structure to my week and ease the transition.

People are often scared of change. The brain likes to look for danger.

Thanks all. The internet searches are telling me to go financially my situation is very different from 12 years ago and spend a year resetting to a baseline and sorting out my life and fight or flight response. My husband says focus on private blood tests whilst this year is going forward and getting right meds and starting swimming etc and reset over the summer. (My school finishes end of June) so we have a nice 3 weeks cruise booked with our youngest and then reset next year and not to do anything all year except what I want to do. He says that if I want to go to bed every day and sleep / that’s what I should do. This is 35 or more stressful years- in fact all my childhood was stressful so 53/54 years worth.

I'd suggest thinking about what it is that your work gives you that you value- intellectual challenge, sense of purpose, community, status etc etc- then think about other ways in which you could achieve that in retirement.

I think you're terrified, because you're in shock! You've gone from living a really tough life to having a life that many could only dream of in a relatively short period of time. The inheritance was completely unexpected and very generous and while you were financially secure for your retirement before, now you're positively well off!

my husband now says to go private for blood tests etc and get correct dose meds if needed and just sleep and eat well and read for the year if needed. But take a year to plan what I want my retirement to look like.

Your DH is right. Do what he suggests. There is no rush. You can take as long as you need. But you have choices and really good ones. So congratulations! And good luck with whatever you decide

Would your school give you a year's leave of absence for you to test the waters of retirement as it were? That way, should you find that you are actually bored you could have the option of returning (perhaps not to full-time, but part-time)? Alternatively, bite the bullet, take early retirement and then, if you find you want to, go back to part-time teaching (or do another post-grad qualification like your DH!). Teaching is exhausting and if you're tired because of your auto-immune system not behaving itself, and you have the opportunity to drop your hours, then I'd consider that. I'd also look at what the pension is going to be if you stop teaching in 2027 as opposed to in 2029. Will those two years make much of a difference? Or could you put yourself forward for a post in the school that has less of a demand on your after-school time? You must be a lovely colleague and appreciated by management if one of your colleagues has been this generous to you. I'd imagine they'd like to keep you on in some form so may be open to even creating a role specifically for you. Good luck and enjoy this new lease of life you've been gifted.

This may seem an odd question, but are you taking HRT?

I understand the dilema as it is a big change but FWIW this is my experience of early retirement. I retired at the start of this year at age 57 as my husband had taken early retirement a few months earlier. He did have to encourage me as I had a full time professional job I enjoyed ( mostly!).

We do have slightly less money so not quite the same as you, but still enough to travel and enjoy life. We had helped our adult kids through uni etc so they are now self sufficient. Both had a parent who died early and we decided to have more time whilst we are hopefully fit and able and feel very lucky to be able to.

How it for me …….. I absolutely love it! It’s been a blast. There was an underlying level of work stress that I hadn’t realised was there until I left so some minor health things have improved. So surprising I haven’t missed work at all. I have been very active with a hobby I have, and started another physical one. Have travelled and like all retired people, run out of time so I keep pushing back house and garden ‘jobs’ to the winter as I have other things to do. Spending quality time together is also brilliant.

I am still in awe of how awesome Sunday nights are. 😛 Good luck with what you choose.

The thing that stands out to me in your original post is that your husband is currently doing a postgraduate degree he always wanted to do. I think you, too, need to envision retirement not just as moving away from teaching, but as moving towards a new life goal. It does sound as if you need a long rest, and you also need space in your life to focus on your health for a while, but if you center a new project, whether a degree or a creative endeavor or the house renovations, retirement might feel a little less scary.

Yes taking HRT. Taking levothyroxine.

You don’t need to go from ft teaching to doing nothing. My friend left her stressful teaching job and now does exam invigilation ( obviously seasonal) and is planning to take on a summer holiday based job in her tourist town. Or look at occasional volunteering in something you are interested in. The trick I think with retirement is to be moving towards something, rather than just wanting to get away from a stressful job.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

He’s very different to me. He didn’t enjoy university first time around, no one is his family had been and he was encouraged to apply and went and did a degree (and a good one) at a university he didn’t really want or need. No doubt it opened up job opportunities for him unrelated to his degree.
Older and wiser he started a degree in what he loves a few years ago and now is doing a post grad in that.

For me I went to university at a younger age than usual a combination of pushy parents and a school acceleration system. Then I did my post graduate degree straight after. I was pressured and a machine chewed me up and spat me out.

I won’t be able to go more part time and I’m not sure I want to. I like the teaching bit (less so the marking etc) I don’t like the endless dramas getting up at 6.15 am to get there, my school has a meeting once a week so I’m always there one day a week until at least 5.30 pm and back at 6.15 pm but most weeks I’m there one night until 8 pm (normal teacher no extra responsibilities). We have a new headteacher who wants to save money so most of the staff are in their early 20s - 30s.

My husband is doing his degree part time and so we would get to spend time together and we have 3 dogs and an allotment so plenty to do. I love reading but often too tired to read and he says we could get up go for a morning swim, come back have a couple hours him to study and me to sleep/ read or just sit in the garden and often I could go to the allotment or meet a friend or sit in the garden or walk a dog or whatever whilst he again does his study. For some reason possibly because I’m AuAdhd my brain finds it terrifying. I’m glad you are all finding it ok. We’ve worked hard on our garden and I love sitting in it.

My husband points out a year to sleep and regenerate before a retirement is now doable and probably a really good idea.

You are all right my identify is teacher. It is parent.

I forced ‘me’ into a box in my childhood. For years I outwardly seemed to have confidence and my parents could make me aged 30 cry my eyes out / it took me a long time to see them as abusive. They destroyed whatever little confidence emerged. Therapy helped with that so much.

This friend that has left me the money had a horrendous life, estranged from her parents and family and horrific parents but she was gifted money. We only taught together for 5 years but her will only names me - she spent the last decade quite ill and in a home which makes the money a real shock.

We have planned three holidays, 2027,2028 and 2029 in line with her wishes and one was already planned and booked for 2027 but we can go on a big adventure we were planning and saving for 2029 without needing to save.

I am so fortunate she thought of me and left it to me. I have read all your comments and will continue to. I realise I don’t need permission to resign but that’s almost what I’m waiting for the cultured in my school has been highly stressful for the last 3 years (very slash and burn) I have survived that but I’m starting to really feel it now (various reasons) that it is not so settled at work as it should be (new management team etc and lots of changes) so it might be a good time to go.

God just enjoy it. You don’t need to be productive, just go be happy! Exercise, work on your health, enjoy planning holidays, having more time to visit dc and friends, having the energy to read
good luck op

Go for it. I left my very stressful job in my early 50's. I also have an autoimmune condition and the stress was making it so much worse. My husband passed away and had a large pension pot that gives me a healthy monthly income and I will get my own pension shortly. I started volunteering and 6 months later a part time job came up - I applied and luckily was offered it. It's my dream job, I only work 1 or 2 days a week and I actually look forward to going in. I'm healthier and my mental health is much improved. I was worried about being bored but it hasn't happened and it sounds like you and your husband will have plenty of time to enjoy your lives. Your lovely friend has given you an amazing gift so use the opportunity to heal and find something that you want to do. Life's too short to spend time doing something you don't want to do if you don't have to. Good luck whatever you decide

The thing that yells out at me is that you need some time to ‘feel safe’. Your fight and flight mode has been activated for decades. I would get some therapeutic support as you can now afford this privately to work through what your parents did.

I am so pleased for you that you are now financially completely safe it’s going to take a while for you to feel that in the body.

you can afford to take up a light class, art, painting, Pilates, whatever you fancy doing. You can afford weight loss injections/tablets to get that weight off - you know it’s impossible to do it without help, you have thyroid issues, being overweight IS NOT your fault.

Leave work, go on holiday to a spa like the Mayr clinic or something really focused on wellness - you need a full stop after work before you ask yourself the question you’re going to need to get used to asking yourself every day ‘what do I WANT to do today’. I suspect this question has never been asked

I’ve really got into new hobbies, plus had more time for old ones, made some new friends, travel and read a lot more and support my elderly mum and disabled adult DS gives me purpose.
Although to be fair I’ve never felt bored in any stage of my life.

OP - try to stop obsessing about abusive families (yours and your late friend's) and don't treat your friend's wishes as instructions on what you should do with your money.

My husband says focus on private blood tests

Listen to him. If you're 4st overweight that needs addressing now. In your shoes, I'd hand in my notice, book an appointment with a consultant and address my health issues. Your husband sounds lovely and with your 3 kids almost raised, you have so much more to look forward to than slogging away at a secondary school.

All the best.

That's a lot of change very quickly. Perhaps you should work part time for another year before retiring. There's no rush.

If you like the teaching and want a sense of purpose, could you do private tutoring? Part time, hours to suit you? Or do a TESOL course and teach adults?

You sound so wired that I agree with your husband, you sound like you need complete rest. You're in a very fortunate position, financially. Enjoy the opportunity and freedom that gives you.

If you can take a sabbatical from work for a year then you have the comfort of knowing you can go back if you want to. It will give you the time to do other things and find an identity and to get you in a routine of being retired. If retirement is for you then resign at the end or if not you could go back but on your terms. As a pp said, supply work might be more flexible.

It sounds like you are as much nervous about the large inheritance as being bored in retirement. You don't have to make a decision straight away. Could you take a sabbatical or work fewer days or something to ease yourself into retirement more gently and see if it suits you. Also beware once you don't have a job people will make a call on your time so it's best to have plans.