Hot Flushes & No Bosses

[SurvivorofNightshifts]

Hot Flushes & No Bosses
40 years of service and that’s a wrap — not through choice, but thanks to the national NHS redundancy scheme. Honestly, who’d have thought a registered nurse and midwife would end up redundant and suddenly facing the dilemma of whether to retire early, fight back and find another role, or just enjoy redundancy until retirement age. Thoughts welcome.
While I’m trying to make the decision, I’m also navigating daily life with DH, who retired a few months ago. Getting used to spending so much time together is… an adjustment. How do you deal with the frustrations when he takes (in my opinion) half the day to get washed and dressed. And who’s meant to wash up or take the lead with the household jobs now?
People talk about “blue” and “pink” jobs, but during our working lives we just did whatever needed doing, whenever one of us was free. Now we’re both free, so do we accept that the hoovering is fought over. Some people swear by lists… but what happens when the day scheduled for housework turns out to be gloriously sunny and a walk by the sea is obviously the better option. The whole schedule goes out the window.
And conversations — what do partners talk about when you’re suddenly spending so much time together?
I know it’s early days. I need to investigate what’s going on in the local community and probably reignite a few dormant friendships. I’m keen to keep my sanity as well as my long marriage.
I don’t feel old enough to be navigating this new world. And do I never want to be involved in the fantastic, privileged world of being a midwife again?
Anyone else been through this stage — how did you handle the early days of retirement and the sudden shift in routine?
Signed: Survivor of night shifts & other horror stories

How long have you been married?

How about going out for lunch and having a chat about the future and housework?

Lot of major life changes for both you and your partner.

Would you consider doing something part time (related to your role or something new) until you are ready to retire? A bit of a transition period before you are fully retired.

You need to have an honest conversation about expectations and the future with your husband or resentment will creep in.

I've been (semi) retired for a year now and DP is still working. I do struggle a bit when he's around as I like to just do my own thing. We did have a discussion about how we are going to make it work when he retires. But it's still undecided.

Congratulations on your (potential) early retirement- I've loved my first year.

If you were working full time OP, is there a possibility of fighting to stay for a part time role in the NHS or going on the bank?

More recent advice about retirement talks about reducing the days worked so you phase out of a working lifestyle and into a retired lifestyle. The thinking being, as you’ve brought up in you OP, the sudden, immediate ending of one for the other causes unexpected issues.

I think it is harder when you suddenly go into retirement. Given that the standard advice is to move into retirement by going part time first, I would try to replicate that. By that I don't mean you need to go and find a part time job, but I would schedule in enough to do that it fills the equivalent of a part time role. That might mean exercise classes, group activities, classes, community work, citizen science. It doesn't matter what it is but having quite a strong full schedule after a couple of weeks off at the start may help.

I appreciate this also conflicts with people saying don't take on too many commitments initially, but I think it is different when you retire straight from full time work. You can always stop the ones you don't like.

The benefit of having a full schedule for you is that you and your husband then have more to talk about. Also if you can keep your both up and doing jobs at home at the same time, it is easier. If that doesn't work, I would try to agree what you each do.

How old are you both? I can’t imagine how discombobulating it must be to be thrust into retirement with no planning.

To take your comments:

Taking half the day to get washed and dressed is one of the perks of retirement. (See also: morning mumsnet in bed with a cup of tea and afternoon sex).

Ditto throwing schedules out of the window and going out for the day if it’s sunny and you are in the mood.

Learning how not to talk to each other but to coexist in silence is a very important retirement skill and should be taught in formal classes. But you do need to do things together to create shared experiences - holidays/Travel? Is there anything you both believe in/do/hate/want to do? Nurture that.

Nobody talks about pink and blue jobs any more surely - you need to negotiate. Write your own list of what you are happy to do and what you hate and discuss it. Include home improvements/mental load in that list.

I would certainly think about some kind of part time work - either in midwifery if that’s a thing (private? Night nannying?) or a paid variant of something you do as a hobby.

I suspect when you get your head round it you will come to love it.