How did your retired partner adjust and find things to do?

[Dorothyperky]

DH is due to retire in 18 months. He has few hobbies.
I'm semi retired due to ill health

He's been taking a lot of leave recently and just pops out for groceries or watches the television.
He plays golf once a month with our son and does a sport activity once a week (he's a vet so very difficult to increase this as high intensity).

He's a reserved personality and I'm wondering what the hell he does in retirement?
At moment if he's off for more than a week he drives me potty.

If you have a retired partner did they find things to do?

It's a big adjustment for most couples I think.
Good that he already does a sport once a week that he might be able to increase?

Maybe he'll just want to chill a bit and recover from years of full on career. I'll be retiring sooner than him and after retiring in the spring I'm going to give myself some time to adjust.

Reading this forum, lots of people give themselves a gap year or half year rather than over committing straight away.

How does he drive you potty. Don't you just do your own thing.

@Iloveeverycat he just waits for me to take the lead. I've always booked the holidays, arranged our house moves, organised our trips out etc.
He's had a physical job so I understand he's tired and we are downsizing so not so much household stuff to do.
He moved to my county so the friends we have our mainly mine. I have family here.
One DS has bought himself a house in the next county and our DD still lives with us as she is still in extended education.

My dad struggled with retirement after 50 years in a stressful role. He got an allotment, walks the dog twice a day and supports the local football team he also does crosswords daily. Other than that it’s mostly housework/tv / food shopping
mil/ fil do a lot of childcare, fil does some local gardening jobs , mil looks after her mum. They also dog walk. But thet book weekends away plus have 2/3 holidays a year

He does love driving and we both like history. We like museums and country houses. We could do one a week as we did when the DC were little. We had the children late so might not see any grandchildren for at least five years.
He's not a gardener but he can if pushed. Our new house is very old and he's good at hedges!
I'm not worried about being with him all day as he'll potter but he's not going to play bowls! We've picked a busy village near our current abode. It not a different area but a better mix of ages.

He can't cook but he loves food shopping so he does that and the laundry. Tailor's son so excellent at ironing.
His family live into their 90s so I don't want him to be bored or lonely.

He could offer his sport coaching at the school as he's DBS checked. He might say he's done his bit!

I was already retired for close to 5 years as I left at 54. DH needs people far less than me. He loves rowing on his rowing machine and running so he does that and he had a huge list of DIY projects. In his first year he has redesigned and rebuilt the cupboards in the hallway. He teaches himself stuff on YouTube. He has just built a bespoke bike rack from wood, it really is amazing. He only started doing carpentry in lockdown. We bought a motorhome so intend to travel about for about 6 months of the year. He likes tinkering with things in that, building shelves in it and problem solving how to make storage better.

As a vet he loves animals I assume, he would be great volunteering for an animal shelter. Hands on or in a committee role.

He might surprise you. But tbh I would give him a break. I’m definitely going to need a destress/cocooning period after retiring.

How about U3A? Each local organisation is unique but there is bound to be something to interest your partner and he might also make new friends.

@ViciousCurrentBun ha re the vet he's a veteran semi professional sportsman.
He does love our little dog though and does the walks. I can't do it ATM.

He does like a shed, but more of a music & literature man.
He's also a fiend in the yellow label shelves and I then have to cook the blinking stuff.
He might help out in the church, my friends husband cuts the grass in his village. He knows a few people in our new location and it's just over an hour to his family. Neither of us have parents remaining.
He doesn't drink so pubs are wasted on him but he has a huge general knowledge so I'm hoping he joins the quiz team.

Why do you feel the need to try and fill / direct his own time for him? He may decide to do things, he may not. Either way is fine. I haven’t worked since my early 30s due to a combination of disabilities, inheritance and previous high earnings and I wouldn’t want dh to try and find things for me to do!

Sorry what are you saying is the job? It really isn’t clear.

Is he a retiring athlete or a vet? No one on MN is going to think a vet refers to an athlete.

What age is he? If he is an athlete he is probably very young retiring.

Was an athlete. Will retire at 65.

My question was did retired parents find things to do. It's not a criticism thread about my DH.

I'm well aware of Mumsnet vocab.
In his sport 40+ are called vets.

Partners not parents!

I shoukd have guessed. Our local cricket club has a vets team (the oldies, relatively speaking).

Well if he is sporty he might increase his golf times. It is a very sociable sport and many retirees do a lot more once they retire. Or Par 3/pitch and putt if golf is too much.

Is there anything related to his work that he might want to keep up? Coaching other teams? Umpiring? Groundskeeping?
Volunteering?

My DH plays over 60's cricket at county level - games every week and social events, some overseas trips.
When we go to away matches, lets say Kent - we get a cottage for a few days and explore the local area - find lots of lovely places we wouldn't have thought of visiting if not for the cricket.

@ruby1234 that is really helpful. He was a cricket player.
Not his first sport but he is a bowler.
I didn't know there was a league for 60+.
Thank you.

It sounds to me that you have generally managed your DH's spare time in terms of booking holidays, trips and house moves and now you're trying to manage his retirement.

When DH and I retired we took it really easy for a while to recover from working life and let new interests and activities develop. We were both really certain we didn't want to go from one busy life of work to a busy life of commitments, obligations and things we'd signed ourselves up and would find it hard to back out of.

After a few month we had the time, energy and headspace to pick up on things we genuinely wanted to do. 10 years in we are both fully occupied doing things we love.

Could you step back a little and let your husband find his own happy way?