Mixed emotions about early retirement: burnout, identity worries and excitement

[dudsville]

The title is cryptic but I found I was writing a paragraph there!

I've always planned for an early retirement. We don't have kids and I've been saving up for over a decade to fund life for a few years before drawing my pension. The time is nigh and I've set the date. Oh my gawd, the emotions!

I genuinely have a love/hate relationship with my job, and that's too intense and dramatic. I feel like I'm ending a relationship with someone I loved but turned out to be toxic. I'm burned out. I feel guilty that my colleagues who are friends with children have to carry on. I feel anxious about walking away from a good income. I don't want a leaving do, but I want to be acknowledged. My profession is a huge part of my identity and I wonder who I'll be once I've recovered from the burnout. I feel like I've won the lottery by being able to retire early, so I have moments of elation, but I'm in burnout mode so I just spend too long in bed feeling happy for my future self but drained and empty inside. I feel really proud of myself for making this savings pot to live on rather than spending it on "living for the present", it's a massive gift to myself. I'm worried I'll die before I retire. I'm looking forward to doing those projects around the house. This is all too much.

There's no point to this thread, but I would be happy to hear from others in the same messy boat.

I am in almost exactly the same boat! Date set for mid June, I am already drawing a portion of my personal pension. Only retiring 3 years early but have been in my profession for 45 years (including training). I have some plans for the summer and house needs some work but after that im not sure. Very mixed emotions.

Same here
Retiring early this year. My job is relentless, stupidly long hours and it's affecting my health. I can't draw any pension for years but I realised that if I carried on I probably wouldn't be around to collect it....
I may get another job with more reasonable hours, at the moment I am looking forward to doing the basics to improve my health such as eat properly, exercise ( walking) and sleep
Hobbies and volunteering can come later.

I'm in the same boat and planning to retire this year if I can find the courage! My job has been my identity all my working life and I am too used to having a decent financial cushion, so changes to both of those things are terrifying, but I can't keep going like this. I am already very part time but the demands on me continue to be a drain and I just can't be part of the corporate world anymore. Like a PP I'm getting increasingly worried that the decision will be made for me by illness or incapacity and I will have wasted my last good years on Teams calls.

I'm not in the same boat but would love to be in your situation, it's a great position to be in.

I think you need to plan your retirement properly, so it's something to look forward to and be excited about rather than the end of your professional life. What are you going to do with your days, weeks, months and years?

Can you take a couple of days to properly plan it?

@Puppylucky , I think your use of the word courage is spot on and I'll add that to my list. It feels like staying would be the cop out and that is brave to stop when I'm able to.

@Irememberwhenitwasallfieldsroundhere , I think that's a useful idea. You're right that I'm seeing this as an end to my working life, whereas my saving up for this has actually been a long ten project to enjoy some hopefully good and healthy years. I guess now that it's happening I'm focusing more on the ending, but it's really about a new beginning.

Love that thought! Maybe if I can focus on the new beginning and what I'm gaining rather than loosing it will feel less daunting.

I kind of did this at 58 but framed it as taking a gap year (all the youngsters do it now so why shouldn't we!) Have a good rest then decide whether you are happy to continue or get a job. I went back on a very part time basis eventually as i got bored and, despite having enough savings, after being frugal all my life found it difficult to spend it. Still do a bit of work now even though have state pension and can manage on my income, I have struggled with giving up my profession which feels part of my identity.

I decided on Monday to go and thought it would be the end of the school year. I’ve done it today. Notice gone in. Will be free in 28 days!! Admittedly I’ve found a small part time, leave it at the door job just for a bit of routine. But I’ve loads of clubs and activities that I want to expand on so I may only be part time for a year or so…
scary and exhilarating at the same time.

And I really can't plan it, the life I'll lead after stopping work. I'm so burned out that any additional task is met with absolute and very deep refusal. I'm not saying I have Pathological Demand Avoidance, because it's recent and I'm certain it's temporary, but my response to any new task is pure cement. My only plan, especially as I'm stopping in winter, is to hibernate, rest, until I feel better and can feel the motivation return. That may sound depressing, but I'm looking forward to it. I hope to return to the world of the living this time next year 😂

I retired last year, just before 60, and haven't looked back. We are so lucky to be able to do this - we shouldn't waste our opportunity.
I volunteer, have a few nice holidays, folllow my hobbies, and also enjoy a slightly slower pace (that second cup of breakfast coffee is very special!).
My identity was certainly never linked to my job(s), so I just walked away and never regretted it.
Enjoy, OP - this will be amazing for you!

Having watched many people in my profession retire early and then struggle going from 100miles an hour to zero I chose to slowly cut my hours until I was ready to go full retirement.

I’m self employed in a particularly stressful profession so when the opportunity arose to sell the business I jumped at it. The new owner asked me to stay on for a minimum of 2 years, part time, for continuing and as a mentor. We built a good working relationship and when I hit my official retirement age, 60, and took my pension he asked if I would move to private provision ( NHS dentist). He wanted to see how it would go and I now do one day a week earning the same as I did doing 2.5 days a week under the NHS. I had had enough of the constant grind and just wanted to do dentistry how I used to before the car wreck contract we currently work under.

Agsin it has been a successful move and I still love my job. I also help out with some of the NHS load but as a therapist rather than lead clinician. Basically carrying out NHS work under prescription. I am always busy but one day a week doesn’t cause the stress overload I was beginning to experience.

I could retire fully tomorrow since I have a private pension that would top up my NHS pension until I qualify for state pension. My longterm financial planning revolves around this. But DS is at uni and my self employed earnings cover the costs of supporting him.

The gradual and down has meant I have eased into retirement. I have to do CPD to maintain my registration and I have plenty of time to do online and face to face courses. But I plan to give up before I have to enter the next period of CPD requirement.

Early retire is great but even working one day a week I find that I have become very lazy. Initially I had lots of projects but health issues have left me with chronic fatigue. It was the best decision for me but I’m glad I had a longterm plan. After 2 years of projects I’ve had a break for the last 12 months, caught up on all the box sets I’ve missed over the last 30yrs. I had to slow down after being diagnosed with breast cancer, the long term adjunctive treatment has had a physical impact but I’m hoping that I can stop the meds that cause problems later this year. Psychologically it will mark a turning point and I hope that some of my energy levels return.

We are also in limbo waiting for DH to have a knee replacement. He’s now unable to walk more than a 100m and we are looking forward to being able to go on walks again. We were always an active couple and miss rambling together.

One downside is the increasing frequency of funerals as more and more friends and family are list. I no longer have an excuse to get out of funerals. But it does motivate you to make the most of time even if it is just having the time to read a book or just enjoy a view.

@dudsville You will recover and find your sparkle again. Takes time and rest and a bucket load of TLC.

You need to rest first - to fix the burnout - and only then can you move on to figuring out 'what is next'. It'll be a wrench, but give it time and remember to say 'yes' to anything that catches your interest, and you'll create a much more colourful and happy future.

I absolutely loved my career until I didn't and then I wanted out.
After 40 years in the same profession I was burned out and knew that if I stayed another year nothing would change, in fact every year would be like the one before.

I retired and decided to just 'be' for at least 18 months. I walked in the hills, swam in the sea, traveled, pottered in my garden, went to galleries and read the big pile of books that had been sitting by my bed for a decade.

The unwinding was incredible. The feeling of just being able to do as I pleased washed over me and work became a thing of the past. 18 months in I decided
to take a creative course which has turned into a money making hobby which I love.

You are having a wobble brought on by fear of the new and the unknown.

Lean into that and let something wonderful flood in.

Beautiful post @RobinInTheCrabApple!

The speed at which I can go from "fine" to not fine is increasingly fast, I'll certainly benefit from the ease.

Having been retired 6 months after a busy, intensive career, I've found it a very easy transition. Doing various U3A things has been helpful, including contributing to activities. In terms of identity, I think only 1 or 2 people have asked what I did pre retirement - and I've had a lot of conversations. It's a good opportunity to present (or indeed reinvent) yourself outside of the work box.

I'm 6 months into retirement. Aged 57.
I was giving it 150% in a struggling NHS field.
It's only now looking back that I see how precarious things were. A hypertensive crisis and a DH who could see me heading for a stroke, forced my decision.
To quote our financial advisor, It's very hard to swap your mindset from acquisition to spending and at first I was frantically searching around for something yo replace work. I thought of setting up a business but now that I can see were are managing just fine financially, I gave shelves that idea.
My only advice would be to retire in the spring or summer rather than the dark winter, so you can instantly get the benefit of it.

I retired at 54. My job was also my identity and what I miss most I think is the respect I used to get as the 'expert'. I also miss my colleagues as it was a very social environment. But I really had had enough and it was the right thing to do.

Are you on HRT? Lack of motivation is a huge menopause symptom and one very driven women will often blame themselves for rather than accept it's hormones causing it.

I’ve been off sick for a year and have also hibernated over the winter to get through my burn out. I am actually retiring through ill health, it’s not life shortening it it’s something I’ll always have and I can’t really work without a lot of pain, random periods off and really cannot have any ability to know from one day to the next if I’ll be good to work for the day / week/month or longer.
im 54 and whilst ive
trained hard, for my job,degree and PhD, im ready mentally to give it up now and get stronger and live my life- i hope you and others on here get this too!

Deal with the burnout first and be prepared for recovery to take longer than you think.

You may not be able to have any constructive thoughts, let alone make plans, for some months to come.

Relax! Lead a low demand, simple life over the spring and summer. Don’t feel guilty about not achieving much.

Once your brain has recovered, you’ll remember why you planned to do this, realise how brilliant it is and figure it out.

Me too. Date set for end April, not long now at all. I too have burnout, compounded by big increase over last year in care needs of two elderly parents and adult son with serious MH difficulties.

I'm planning a break to hope to get through the burnout, and then part-time work in a different field 3 days a week. It is odd, my role is a big part of my identity, but the overlaps with the carer roles are too big. I would be ok till retirement if frugal, but I have been looking at other jobs, and feeling active revulsion when I see jobs which build on these skills. Odd transition where I keep getting drawn to things I know, but where the reason for the move is to move away from them.

I love this! Especially the active revulsion quote. The thing I can do is the thing that's making me very sad

All very interesting perspectives.
I've been saving as well as I can for about 12yr s.
55hr weeks and lockdown helped boost the pot.
We've been going cheaper on food and garden bits too.
I'm 60 this yr and due to have MH struggles in my 20s kids in my 30s I haven't had much of a social or fun life.
I've always lived through my profession.Its my identity.Tbh nothing like both parents having advance cancer and a few much younger ones to make me realize retirement is not guaranteed.
Mum was 64 when she got an advanced cancer diagnosis.
My plan is to cut back to really part time something first.Somewhere to be.
It's scary and it's what we ve saved for.Lockdown proved to me work isn't everything.

I'm not on hrt. I tried it many years back, before entering menopause properly but I didn't find it helpful.

It may be that your dose wasn't high enough to actually help you. It's just a thought. Lack of motivation is so debilitating