The title is cryptic but I found I was writing a paragraph there!
I've always planned for an early retirement. We don't have kids and I've been saving up for over a decade to fund life for a few years before drawing my pension. The time is nigh and I've set the date. Oh my gawd, the emotions!
I genuinely have a love/hate relationship with my job, and that's too intense and dramatic. I feel like I'm ending a relationship with someone I loved but turned out to be toxic. I'm burned out. I feel guilty that my colleagues who are friends with children have to carry on. I feel anxious about walking away from a good income. I don't want a leaving do, but I want to be acknowledged. My profession is a huge part of my identity and I wonder who I'll be once I've recovered from the burnout. I feel like I've won the lottery by being able to retire early, so I have moments of elation, but I'm in burnout mode so I just spend too long in bed feeling happy for my future self but drained and empty inside. I feel really proud of myself for making this savings pot to live on rather than spending it on "living for the present", it's a massive gift to myself. I'm worried I'll die before I retire. I'm looking forward to doing those projects around the house. This is all too much.
There's no point to this thread, but I would be happy to hear from others in the same messy boat.