Mixed emotions about early retirement: burnout, identity worries and excitement

[dudsville]

The title is cryptic but I found I was writing a paragraph there!

I've always planned for an early retirement. We don't have kids and I've been saving up for over a decade to fund life for a few years before drawing my pension. The time is nigh and I've set the date. Oh my gawd, the emotions!

I genuinely have a love/hate relationship with my job, and that's too intense and dramatic. I feel like I'm ending a relationship with someone I loved but turned out to be toxic. I'm burned out. I feel guilty that my colleagues who are friends with children have to carry on. I feel anxious about walking away from a good income. I don't want a leaving do, but I want to be acknowledged. My profession is a huge part of my identity and I wonder who I'll be once I've recovered from the burnout. I feel like I've won the lottery by being able to retire early, so I have moments of elation, but I'm in burnout mode so I just spend too long in bed feeling happy for my future self but drained and empty inside. I feel really proud of myself for making this savings pot to live on rather than spending it on "living for the present", it's a massive gift to myself. I'm worried I'll die before I retire. I'm looking forward to doing those projects around the house. This is all too much.

There's no point to this thread, but I would be happy to hear from others in the same messy boat.

My boss has offered to reduce my hours to keep me on fire a limited amount of time. It's thrown me a bit and given me pause to think whether I would value continuing.

Do be prepared for a sort of grieving when you leave- it is a loss, an ending, and time for new things. Try and plan a few “ landmarks” - days out, holidays to look forward to.

I am almost 58 and my fixed term contract is coming to an end soon. I have worked solidly for 40+ years in demanding jobs and feel completely burnt out. I am not going to rush to look for anything else but am just going to take at least six months off like a half gap year to re-set and then see how I feel. I will likely be completely bored after a few months but we'll see ! I too am worried about the loss of identity and how I will fill my days.

I am also finding that it is hard to mark uncertain transitions. I am not retiring, but don't know what I'm going on to, and it won't be the same kind of thing. I know moving from my current work and my practitioner identity will leave a big hole, but I don't feel I can continue. Even having the words for what comes next, 'recalibration?, sabbatical? bit of a break, change of direction, barista fire, is difficult.

I was really touched when my peers this week did me a framed wordcloud of what they value about my contribution to the work and the team. I've put it on the wall. It feels important to capture the end of this era, even though I may come back to it.

If you are even considering this, I would give it a try. I know several women who found going no-work cold-turkey extremely difficult. When I was coming up to retirement, and saw several of my colleagues moving from being full-time teachers to part-time learning support, but I knew that wouldn't work for me: I had to go completely. And I haven't looked back wishing I'd made a different decision. If it doesn't work for you, you can always retire completely afterwards knowing you gave the part-time option a try, especially if it's not going to affect your pension.

Thanks, I keep veering back and forth on it, but I don't have to make a decision any time soon.

I'm going to say something different, which may or may not resonate with you. When I started at my current job, I reduced my hours down to the absolute minimum - 2.5 days a week, in the hope that it would keep me engaged and positive for a while longer. It hasn't really worked unfortunately. Reduced hours in my experience doesn't really equate to reduced responsibility, and my mental load is much the same. Increasingly it feels like I am clinging on to some semblance of security that is actually blocking me from finding a genuine new path in life. Your experience may vary of course.

Oh my, this thread happened just at the right time for me…….
Im early 60s and so done with work, not at a professional level, but now finding the 5 day slog and constant hassle just completely draining. I started to resent having to be here at all and how it seemed to dominate my whole week meaning everything else has to take second place. I found too that trying to juggle home admin, general life etc just got harder to cope with whilst doing a 5 day week.
Ive spent the last year mulling over and getting my ducks in a row and decided to start taking an old workplace pension that would keep me going until SP kicks in - I’m not going to be flush, never would be, but hopefully ok. The pension has just confirmed I’m on next months payment as all forms etc are complete.
so this IS happening…..not sure when exactly. But I totally get the conflicted feelings - had similar when I had my DC and decided not to go back the job (hated it anyways) after leave…..I’d never NOT had a job, of some type, since a teenager. I found another after a couple of years…
Constantly swaying from one thought to the other…….whether to stay in work for a bit longer…maybe go part time, although not really workable in my job. I’d end up being paid less for more stress….

@Waitfortheguinness not sure from your post if this is the case but I would be careful about starting to claim on a pension whilst you are still at work. I also have pension income coming in and get clobbered for tax as PAYE isn't really set up to cope with two income streams.

@Puppylucky 'Increasingly it feels like I am clinging on to some semblance of security that is actually blocking me from finding a genuine new path in life.' This really resonated for me. I wrote to ask for voluntary severance from my job, and then a month later, while still working my notice, found myself looking at similar, but less well paid jobs, with other employers. Crazy. I do plan to work part-time but in a different field, but somehow keep looking back at what I know (and know I need to leave).

I did some sums, but as it’s a DB pension you get a salary paid until you die - you don’t gain anything by delaying it. I know the small salary will, whilst working, incur a bit of tax…but if I stop working soon it will be my only income?

It's ok as long as it's your only income but I have really struggled with bringing my pension on stream whilst I am still employed. That's what HMRC can't cope with

I “retired” from working a couple of years ago as I had a back Injury from my job - nursing. I get a small pension and am only 57 so I won’t get my state pension for 11 years. My husband is a professional and is taking part of his pension on his 65th birthday later this year but will continue to work for a year or two. He could go altogether but isn’t ready too as earns a good wage and gets great leave. I think if you get the chance to retire do it, I now help with my grandchildren and parents and can see friends and to be honest doing the housework etc as well don’t know how I had time to work!!

I am still working plus state and NHS pension, no problems at all with HMRC. Its all sorted through PAYE, they take tax from both work and pension automatically🤷

Yes it's all done automatically @Mossstitch but they only apply tax relief to one income stream, so my wages are taxed on the full amount and I pay more than I should. It gets sorted out at the end of the tax year - last year I got a 3k rebate - but it's a bit of a pain.

To quote our financial advisor, It's very hard to swap your mindset from acquisition to spending

This absolutely sums me up. I'm nearly 60 and have more than enough savings to last me until 67 but the thought of not having any regular income (apart from a small private pension that I've already taken) is really scary when you've worked all your life, and then seeing that pot dwindle rather than increase.

If you can reduce hours before stopping it does help make the transition easier

it takes longer than you think to recover - it was over a year before regular nightmares stopped ( been out 15 months now )

think about getting in shape physically now so you hit retirement running / diet and basic exercise

having a budget really helps with the spending - include holiday and travel budget if you plan to do some of that

think about what you want from this time - you don’t have to commit for 25 years to anything but if you want to travel make a budget, it you what to learn archeology put it in your budget , it you wanted to learn the violin as a child get it in the budget

try and have a big thing to look forward to or plan for in your first year or two

think exercise , outside and nature , mental stimulation, volunteering , human connection

look up things like your local U3A

volunteering doesn’t have to be a huge regular commitment like a brownie leader , it could be signing up to volunteer one weekend at a music festival , or a tour guide for a few months at a local attraction
human connection is interesting if not may people in your current social circle are ready to retire

make lists . Put home jobs near the bottom

I retired 4 weeks ago from a profession I decided to join at 8 yrs old (veterinary). I am nearly 56. I had struggled for about 2 years with work, menopause, caring reponsibilities, empty nest, but last summer had an almost breakdown due to burnout. Could barely get out of bed. Took a couple of weeks off then reduced to 3 days a week, but limped through the next few months with friends and family being increasingly worried about my mental and physical health. All I could cope with and think about was work. even when I had a day off I'd feel exhausted, numb and would just sit on the sofa watching youtube videos... I read the book 'The Burnout Doctor', which I reccommend. In the end I had to listen my own body and mind and stop work. Luckily we're ok financially. I initially framed it as a sabbatical, but I'm so far not missing work at all, despite it being my identity for nealy 40 years. Its been such a relief. I havent rushed into 'doing things', but I'm sleeping so much better and taking the time to exercise (mostly walking), exploring my local area, watch the wildlife in the garden, reconnect with friends.
Good luck to you and hope you heal quickly.

This makes sense to me and it's the way I'm leaving, a complete stop.

Ah this resonates so much! Like you, I've spent aaaaaages going over the numbers and choosing to cut back a little to preserve my happiness. But it's scary. My job is rare, if I decide it was a mistake and want to get back into it, my job won't be available.

I would book a holiday in the sun for your recovery, and use it as a springboard to plan more travel.
Otherwise you’re in danger of going into hibernation mode and not coming out.

This is really helpful to, again it all really resonates, and it's helpful to hear about recovery from burnout. I feel unhappy, a little tearful, to be leaving due to burnout, but the more I think it through the less I feel at fault for being burned out.

I hear ya, OP. I’m worn out but so much of my identity is tied-up in my career, I don’t really know how I’d cope without it.

I’m only 43 and, financially, could retire now and keep contributing to my pension with a view of drawing it down at 55, but it just feels too soon to give up work.

I think a career break may be the way to go, I just need some light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm not sure that is a danger for me. At the moment I'm completely anti social, but some time outside of the regularly enforced interaction would soothe my soul and help me to enjoy social interaction. I also love winter ( I love all seasons and weather really), but am not a sun seeker. I'm looking forward to the chrysalis notion!

Nothing beats hibernating under your duvet when you can hear people scraping ice of their windscreens😜💐