Did i retire too early, is this it?

[MoreToLifeSurely]

Hello I took early retirement 2 years ago from a very stressful job which I loved but it was burning me out. My husband is still working. Retirement initially was great, holidays, walking, weightloss, catching up with friends. Two years on, i feel is this it?! I possibly retired too soon (reducing hours wasn't an option). Im outgoing, the friend who always instigates social get togethers etc. My working friends say how envious of me they are of me not working. I find myself pretending how fabulous retirement is, when in reality my days are long and lonely. I do have a few friends who work part time, or are older and retired and have made plans to meet up but ive lost the desire to do this as I feel im not being honest with them about how I feel. My confidence is ebbing away and i dont feel i have a purpise. I know I need to pull myself together, join some local groups, get energised etc but its gone. My enthusiasm for life is webbing away and I find myself craving my old work life of business trips abroad, great social work friends, and the plate spinning I walked away from. My husband listens but I dont think he understands. He leaves the house early before im awake and comes home late. Friends look at me as super confident, see me as living the dream but its all a facade

Voluntary work
Train in something new
Help in your community

Just a few suggestions

Get a job!
you must have loads of skills

You can do whatever you want. Get a job or volunteer.

Get a job, either paid or voluntary. Or start a business. It doesn't need to be the same job/area as before.

Take a part time job or volunteer eg schools need people to listen to dc read, it’s a really important thing to help with, or our local community centre has a full programme of events and would love a person able to dedicate hours a week particularly behind the scenes admin but also interacting with people

It’s hard to say if you retired too early, what age did you retire?

I have done exactly the same as you! I feel like i have no purpose now and nothing to talk about other than my children!

I am sure I read this post last month and all the advice was "get a new job".

There we go!

Get a job, volunteer, take a course. You haven’t said how old you are but you sound like you’ve a lot to give.

Get another job? I retired from a stressful well paid job but work a zero hours contract now which I really enjoy. I'm so glad I had the job over the winter as I would have struggled otherwise. I still travel, meet up with friends etc but I enjoy being busy.

Get a Job or volunteer as something

How old are you?
can you volunteer to do something?

My mum did this, two years later got a part time job to keep her busy, she's now in management there 😂

I know a woman who retired from the NHS and now works with horses as a volunteer as that was her passion.

Another woman I know who also retired from the NHS now works part time as a florist as that was what she always wanted to do.

I know a man who retired from the NHS and now he volunteers for a woodland preservation group as that's what he's interested in and it keeps him fit.

You have the gift of time OP. Use it wisely.

What are your interests/passions?

I mostly play golf now, which I’m sure would be of no interest to most Mumsnetters, but it happens during the day in the fresh air, you meet lots of people, mostly other retired women, and it keeps me pretty fit. I’m in Scotland where golf does not have the snobby image it does in parts of England, and it’s not as expensive. Lots of my female golf friends took it up on retirement.

I also volunteer in my local community library and I’m thinking about volunteering at a local national trust property as a guide. I have various other hobbies like knitting, I go to a local knitting group, again it’s a good way to meet people with similar interests. I’m lucky that we have moved to a village with a lot going on so it’s quite easy to get involved, even as newcomers.

I retired at 60, didn’t like it after a year, so found another job. Changed again at 65 to go part-time work/part-time childcare for grandkids, switched to consultancy at 66 for increased flexibility, retired at 68, and started volunteering in two fields that interested me, one fairly physical, one research based.

If you’re bored, you can make changes.

Start a business?

You seem to be isolating yourself by deliberately hiding your feelings. Why do you need to pretend that retirement is "fabulous"? It's well known that it's a life change that has pros and cons, including the risk of loneliness and loss of purpose.

A job might be the answer, but also try opening up more to some of your friends.

How about a volunteer role, eg magistrate, school governor, trustee for a charity?

You could get a PT job but I would start by being honest with your friends. It'll make you feel better than having to hide stuff, it might make them encourage you to do other stuff and make you accountable for starting to do stuff and find your new routine.
I reckon it takes 3 years to properly settle into retirement.

You just need a kick up the bum OP, to find a role outside of the home, paid or voluntary, that interests and motivates you. What are you interested in?

I'm in my 60s and busier than ever.
I've been involved in several charities as a volunteer over the years. My current one I started with 6 years ago and it's changed my life. I'm so involved, both as a volunteer but also part of my role is now paid.

Just see this as a transition period. You will find your groove, you just need to treat it like a project and apply yourself to it. I'm sure you have lots to offer the right organisation.

If you want to look into volunteer opportunities in your area have a look at doit.life or ncvo.org.

I retired early and it was fantastic. I guess I'm not much of a joiner and like my own company, I have hobbies and a big garden to look after, still not enough hours in the day to do all the things I want to do, even if other people might think it's all a bit trivial, I worked hard to get to enjoy trivial! I did my bit of working all the hours of the day and night, jumping from one crisis to another and travelling all over, that was fun too, but it was enough.

You have some choices so spend a week or so contemplating them.
You could:

Find part time work or voluntary work. If you do this, don't jump into the first offer but do something which uses your talents and/or is a cause you are genuinely excited by.

Start your own business, as a consultant or trainer in a field related to your professional experience. Start small and local. Build from there.

Study or learn new skills but make sure the environment is sociable, not online courses, stuck at home.

And/or you can decide to work on changing your attitude to who you are and what makes you feel alive. Really embrace a slower pace. Take up gardening and a craft and just be instead of constantly achieving. I find this hard. I can't seem to find the balance between zen-like peace and couch potato, but I'm working on it.

And as PP said, stop lying to friends. Admit it's lonely. They might have some great suggestions.