Did i retire too early, is this it?

[MoreToLifeSurely]

Hello I took early retirement 2 years ago from a very stressful job which I loved but it was burning me out. My husband is still working. Retirement initially was great, holidays, walking, weightloss, catching up with friends. Two years on, i feel is this it?! I possibly retired too soon (reducing hours wasn't an option). Im outgoing, the friend who always instigates social get togethers etc. My working friends say how envious of me they are of me not working. I find myself pretending how fabulous retirement is, when in reality my days are long and lonely. I do have a few friends who work part time, or are older and retired and have made plans to meet up but ive lost the desire to do this as I feel im not being honest with them about how I feel. My confidence is ebbing away and i dont feel i have a purpise. I know I need to pull myself together, join some local groups, get energised etc but its gone. My enthusiasm for life is webbing away and I find myself craving my old work life of business trips abroad, great social work friends, and the plate spinning I walked away from. My husband listens but I dont think he understands. He leaves the house early before im awake and comes home late. Friends look at me as super confident, see me as living the dream but its all a facade

I have done voluntary work and joined hobby groups, made a few good friends at them. It gives structure to the day. It seems nice being able to waft about but it was the lack of structure I didn’t like.

Reminded me, I did some OU courses on things I always wanted to do, but never did, creative writing for one and a mainly theoretical music course, which was a bit out of my comfort zone, having never read music, played an instrument or sung, but was extremely interesting. There were tutorials and some of the students would meet up (in the pub or a cafe) to chat about the courses.

I retired 5 years ago. Not early, but I'm still pretty healthy.

My passion is travelling - and I mean BIG travel e.g. Antarctica, South America, Australia etc. My DH isn't well enough to come with me, so I go on my own. It was scary at first, but now I absolutely love it. To make sure I was fit enough, I joined a gym; I love that too. I have several hobbies like painting and public speaking. Now that I'm retired I help run these, making it more fun for me and helps other, working, people. I've never been so busy.

In fairness, my first 2 years being retired were horrible. Not least because it was lockdown and COVID, but I pulled myself together and went looking for interesting things to do. You won't be healthy/fit forever; make the most of your freedom now.

Good Luck.

"My husband listens but I dont think he understands. He leaves the house early before im awake and comes home late."

If my other half started moaning about having nothing to do as they had retired whilst i was dragging myself out early & coming home late to work, then i would serious think about divorce.

Get a job , volunteer somewhere or get some hobbies . I retired from nursing at 48 ( I’d had both shoulders rebuilt and couldn’t stand the ward I’d been moved to ) . I’m now 12 yrs on , just about to draw my pension and don’t regret it at all , I’m quite able to entertain myself . My husband still works ft mainly from home .

I'm working on changing my attitude. I don't want to be on my death bed going I'm glad I worked so much.
So I'm really leaning into what gives me an emotional kick.
It's not bedding plants it's growing from seed.
It's not eating out at average places it's making the effort at home then a crazy place a couple of times a year.
It's no longer all day music festivals but it is great artists in sit down venues
Literary festivals - and reading the books first.

It takes about a year to get over a very stressful and it sounds like you haven’t spread your wings yet.

This is your opportunity to develop hobbies / interests. I took some adult learning courses and have made new friends as a result. Work on your health and wellbeing. I easily did 12000 steps this morning and met a friend for coffee. My fitness level is now far better than my friends who are still working.

We are a long time dead, there is no need to work yourself into the grave. My allotment group has links with a couple of local care homes which have people in their late 70s & 80s, some of whom felt they missed out on their 60s due to work.

Two things. I retired early but retired into an immediately busy life for various reasons BUT its my understanding that such a big change even if made because the person wanted it, can trigger a period of "mourning" for the life that has been left. I know this might sound "woo" but have you allowed yourself to feel your feelings? You don't have to tell your friends your whole truth if you don't want to but IMO denying how you are really feeling never ends well. Second, as people have already said, its time to find your passion and go for it. Third thing is your husband....from the little you have said, it sounds as though your relationship is distant....maybe if you were busy in your own job you didn't notice or worry about the distance between you?
Remember to that that old life, by your own admission, was burning you out.
So....I know what I did when my husband died shortly after he retired a couple of years after I did. I let myself mourn, not just the loss of my love but the loss of the retirement life we had planned together. I started slowly working out what kind of life I wanted to make for myself and I let the impossible options go. I am there. It took me a while and of course sometimes I miss what I had but its genuinely not possible to go back because what you had in the past no longer exists. The only way is forward, truly and I wish you well on your journey.

Working doesn't mean 'dragging yourself out early' many people prefer this to having no need to get up. OP, unless you're about 80 you retired too early and need to find somthing to do!

Get a job - if retirement hasn't worked for you and it's not how you want it then change it!

Why is everyone saying ‘get a job’ as though it’s easy? In my experience if you’re a 40plus woman from a senior or professional background, it’s super hard to land jobs even ones that are at a much lower level. It’s also not easy to make money as a consultant if you’re in any white collar job that is done behind a screen (clients - often wrongly - think AI can already to it or will do it in the next few months).

I retired young, about five years ago. I am part way through a degree with the open university, which I love. Have you thought about studying? I also volunteer for a local charity. Between the two, I reckon that's about 30-40 hours a week (sometimes more when I have an assignment). My life has purpose (the voluntary work) and I feel like I'm challenging my brain. I'd really recommend both!

Would you say any more about the music theory course? I've always wanted to understand music theory better but I don't play an instrument, barely read music and can't sing. I'd just like to understand better how it works.

In retirement you have to work a bit harder at organising your time and seeking out activities that you find fulfilling.
After 7 years retired I do fitness activities most days, and have several creative hobbies where I can sign up for courses and workshops that are fun and sociable.
Add in some volunteering, some socialising and we're pretty busy, but you do have to make an effort to get out there.

I had a six month honeymoon period after retirement, before I hit the 'what now?' phase. I knew I needed to be useful somehow, but volunteering in a charity shop was never going to be my thing. Also I didn't want anything that would get in the way of making spontaneous travel plans, so I didn't want firm commitment to specific days.

Fortunately I saw a news item that made me really angry and which sent me to Google to find out 'what I could do about it'. Straight away I dropped on a role and a purpose that hadn't occurred to me before, and was nothing like my career. So I've learned a lot about a whole new area, and gradually built up my role in the organisation including becoming a trustee. But it still gives me flexibility to be spontaneous.

So just be open to anything. If your town has a Community Voluntary Service hub, call in and pick up some leaflets about the charities that are looking for people to help. It might be something alled to your last career, or something random that piques your interest.

I start every day at the gym. Brilliant. I’m a member of half a dozen craft groups. I’m always busy.

A magistrate is a great voluntary role. Or anything voluntary that you fancy?

OP wrote this on somebody else's thread at 9:00.

She then started this thread at 14:31 and posted the exact same words. Despite her 'long and lonely' day, she hasn't been back.

I retired 2 yrs ago and have found a structure really helps me . Everyday I have something to do , I start the mornings with exercise , 3 mornings at the gym and 4 mornings taking my dogs out but to different places to vary our scene . I love to travel and have been on many holidays solo . I don’t volunteer or study but have filled my days with things I love to do , meeting friends , a huge garden that always needs something doing , I love my Lego , reading , listening to podcasts and I also take myself off to a nice coffee shop with my journal and a new paperback . In the winter I have no guilt about enjoying my sofa and Netflix . I also had a big stressful job and now I relish the quiet and freedom . I’ll be honest I just don’t understand the cries of I’m bored , lonely , lost as it’s such a big wide world out there and so much to discover and enjoy .

How old are you?

I’m a massive introvert and am unlikely to feel as you do, but my extrovert friend who took early retirement age 57 is spending a lot of money on filling her days with activities and people.

If you know you get your energy from being with others, you need to find a way to do that. There must be volunteering opportunities in your area?

I am 55, I had a break after my contract ended for 6 months, but recently started a 3 day a week admin job and I am really enjoying being out of the house and using my brain again. It’s not majorly stressful and it’s not that well paid, but I wasn’t ready to stop work so it’s giving me back the purpose in life I was lacking.

Join/volunteer for your local parish council (or equivalent). You will find there is plenty of meaningful work to fill your time. You’ll be doing good for your community and you will meet lots of interesting new people.

How old are you?

I retired age 57. My husband was going to carry on working but we realised that we needed to retire at the same time so we could do the things we wanted to do together (mainly travel).

Firstly you need to stop imagining how other people see you. You have no idea how they actually see you.

Then you need to find a purpose again - doesn’t have to be paid but could be.