Did i retire too early, is this it?

[MoreToLifeSurely]

Hello I took early retirement 2 years ago from a very stressful job which I loved but it was burning me out. My husband is still working. Retirement initially was great, holidays, walking, weightloss, catching up with friends. Two years on, i feel is this it?! I possibly retired too soon (reducing hours wasn't an option). Im outgoing, the friend who always instigates social get togethers etc. My working friends say how envious of me they are of me not working. I find myself pretending how fabulous retirement is, when in reality my days are long and lonely. I do have a few friends who work part time, or are older and retired and have made plans to meet up but ive lost the desire to do this as I feel im not being honest with them about how I feel. My confidence is ebbing away and i dont feel i have a purpise. I know I need to pull myself together, join some local groups, get energised etc but its gone. My enthusiasm for life is webbing away and I find myself craving my old work life of business trips abroad, great social work friends, and the plate spinning I walked away from. My husband listens but I dont think he understands. He leaves the house early before im awake and comes home late. Friends look at me as super confident, see me as living the dream but its all a facade

Be honest with your friends so you arent putting on a facade. Of course you are in a fortunate position, but share that it can be lonely and you are looking for ways to fill time.

Personally I would do a course in something I am useless at but interested in. For me photography or flower arranging. I would feel a real sense of achievement.

Be honest with your friends so you arent putting on a facade. Of course you are in a fortunate position, but share that it can be lonely and you are looking for ways to fill time.

Personally I would do a course in something I am useless at but interested in. For me photography or flower arranging. I would feel a real sense of achievement.

You are still adjusting and expecting life to come to you. Go and get it. Join U3A, join art school, walk the camino. Take up kayaking, join the ramblers, volunteer at a charity where your work skills would help, get a part-time job in a sector which is massively different to your career. Offer support at the local women's refuge, become a special in the police, volunteer with the national trust, walk dogs for the Cinnamon trust

Start a spreadsheet with ideas and track progress in making these successful and you'll never be bored again.

Maybe have a look at what courses are on offer.

Both my mum and MIL did an MA after they retired - MIL in a creative subject she always loved but never had time for while she worked and now she uses the skills to make beautiful things, and has met a bunch of new people through it.

My mum pursued an academic topic she's interested in, and she's met a new group of friends through it too. They even go on holiday together once a year to places related to their subject of interest.

Plenty of advice suggesting get a job or volunteer, or get involved in community activism, so I won’t add to that, but address what you said about your friends.

It seems that you find your friendships unfulfilling because you are not being honest about your feelings. I’m afraid the answer to this is as obvious as ‘I’m bored without a job’ / try getting another job.

Be honest with your friends! Your vulnerability will bring you closer. They have no doubt picked up on the fact that are holding back and it’s a barrier.

You need a purpose. Do some voluntarily work in a field where it will really make a difference. A homeless charity or volunteer to read with primary age children (sorry not to be specific, not sure what your employment background is).

It'll give your days some structure AND you'll be able to feel good about your contribution.

Yet another post and run OP? 🙄

What a great thread though. I’m dreading retirement and it’s been a real inspiration!

MN sometimes has an almost Victorian outlook on work, where it’s the answer to all problems. I don’t really agree to be honest, not least because it’s not going to be easy getting a job and re establishing yourself with new colleagues and policies and politics. You don’t start a new job and then just all problems are solved; in reality it can take the best part of a year or two to to feel comfortable somewhere.

I think you need a rhythm and structure to the day though which is why baby groups are so popular (although MN also hates them.)

I think this is where social media can be a force for good. I find out about a lot of events through Facebook, if you have it. Our craft group does an adult course on painting, and the gym can be good, anything really. I did a course on creative writing a few years ago and I found that researching different topics for my stories was a lot of fun.

Yeah, I think somebody is researching for an article.
Did you note that he/she didn't actually ask a question.

Stop lying to your friends, it seems to be making you uncomfortable.

You don’t need to admit you were lying, just say your feelings have changed and you are currently feeling a bit adrift.

Actually your feelings HAVE changed because you enjoyed retirement at first.

Yes it sounds like you retired too soon when you maybe just needed a different job, or a break. Is there a job you always fancied doing? It really doesn't matter what. Or look for similar to your previous one. People think of retirement as a long period of leave from their current job but forget about the structure, the purpose and the identity that role gives them. What your friends think doesn't matter, in fact keep your plans secret until in place. Advice from other people is nearly always about what THEY would do in your situation not an objective talk through of your predicament.

Do you have any hobbies? How do you spend your time?

You need to find your purpose and chase it.

You can reverse pretty much any situation thats not working for you.
Marriage
Retirement
Cohabitation
A job
Moving abroad etc

You can go back to full time employment even if you are collecting a pension.

I retired very early because I was basically burned out and initially I needed time to do "nothing" and it was hard to motivate myself to do all the things I thought I'd do in retirement.

It's coming now though and I'm getting much more involved in community and arts projects.

I cant wait to retire from the NHS OP Im exhausted and not loving it anymore.
I intend to follow my passion for book binding and start a small and selective business doing that.
Do you have any hobbies you could possibly pursue to this end? Id also like to become a tour guide leading ghost walks and tours of stately homes/cathedrals and so on as a volunteer. Im quite reclusive and think this would be good for me.

I retired from teaching at 55, took a few months off to recover then started a job as an exam invigilator. It’s seasonal, casual and pays for holidays. I’d highly recommend it as I feel I’m part of a team again but without the stress of teaching.

Dad retired at 60 not long after my mum died. He did a lot of trustee work (retired lawyer), played some golf and also did a University degree with other mature students. He still meets up with them periodically 20 years on. He had a decent pension pot which gave him plenty of money at 60. 25 years later he’s not so comfortable and worries about money. He wishes he’d worked for a few more years.

Absolutely the perfect time to open up to friends and acquaintances alike that you have loved your initial retirement and are now ready for a new challenge.

You never know where the gem of an idea will arise, for what to do next. Hold your nerve and do not dismiss anything that appears, give everything a chance and the right door will open for you.

How exciting, to be starting the next chapter of your journey. Enjoy.

My hubby sent me this link when I retired early. It's been brilliant. https://www.u3a.org.uk/

I've recently bought a great book, The Easy Guide to Finding your Purpose in Retirement, Steve Crawley. Some good trigger questions, helpful case studies, useful. I'm a careers consultant working with career changers so I didn't expect it to give me much new, but I'd really recommend it, it did. But basically, while all the concrete suggestions above are helpful, you need to work out first what matters to you, what are you missing from work, before leaping into anything new without sizing it up against your criteria.

Good luck.

Retired at 56 and I do understand the loss of social connections, meaningful activity and status. We are conditioned to work and it's hard to just step off the treadmill.
I've just accepted a minimum wage "bank" support worker role, on an as and when basis. I'm intending to just do a few shifts a month but I will look forward to them.