Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Retirement

Planning your retirement? Join our Retirement forum for advice and help from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is anyone here under 45 and retired?

52 replies

Abba123 · 01/02/2023 09:13

In truth, I’m under 40.

I worked for my husband, the business did very well and then we had children and I became a full-time mum.

Then they all started school full-time and I was essentially retired.

I could have pick up some hours working for my husband but I don’t need to and it’s boring.

If I do take a paid position I’d actually be worse off unless I did so many hours that I’d miss out on the little that I do get to see my children.

I’ve done some courses and qualified for various professions that I could do in a voluntary role but again I have the conflict within myself that I could be putting that time into being the perfect housewife.

Oh I find everything boring.

No freedom but lots of time.

I see other mums quite happily spending this time on working on looking beautiful at the gym and spa... Pfft.

Is there anyone in this terribly privileged quagmire?

OP posts:
maddy68 · 01/02/2023 09:14

I am 50. And have yo my job last year ...not officially "retired" but definitely not working again

TentCampByTheHippoRiver · 07/02/2023 03:39

www.gov.uk/check-state-pension

Do you have 35 years of National Insurance contributions? You need these to claim a full state pension at age 67, 68+

TentCampByTheHippoRiver · 07/02/2023 03:40

www.gov.uk/check-national-insurance-record

Cupcakegirl13 · 07/02/2023 04:35

I don’t think it’s called retired at such a young age ! I think it’s just called ‘not working ‘ or ‘unemployed’ ! Yes also please do check out what precious pp have said about NI contributions if you plan on claiming state pension when retirement does eventually come .

stealthbanana · 07/02/2023 04:43

You sound lost and aimless and lacking a sense of your own identity. What do YOU want to do? I would start there. If you’re in a position where financially you don’t need to earn (although do you have your own pension, if your husband dropped dead tomorrow or ran off with another woman and fought you in a divorce would you still be financially secure?) then what is giving your life purpose? You need to have a think about that and then go and do it.

America12 · 07/02/2023 04:45

Being 'the perfect housewife' would be boring as hell to me.
How old are your children ?
Realistically they won't need you forever , you need to be able to support yourself if anything happens with or to your husband.

daretodenim · 07/02/2023 05:06

What would you do if you could do anything?
What dreams did you have when you were younger?
What would you look back on your life and regret not doing?
Is there anything that makes you a little bit jealous when you hear of others doing it?
Is there and OU course you'd be interested in that could lead to something after?

Unless you actually enjoy keeping a house, and you don't, you're wasting your life doing it.

The PPs comment about making sure you're financially taken care of if your DH decides the marriage is over, or pushes you into a situation where you don't want to be with him any more. Nobody thinks their DH will cheat or their marriage will end, but about 50% do end. You're comfortable now, but quite possibly extremely financially vulnerable if you've no pension or significant investments/assets in its place.

The last paragraph is a bit doom and gloom but if you want to remain in your privileged position of not needing to work, then you do need to protect it.

America12 · 07/02/2023 05:21

Why would you be worse off if you did a part time job ?

Mumof1andacat · 07/02/2023 05:29

It must be so awful to be in your position 🥱

Marie2023 · 07/02/2023 05:33

I will never retire as I have no pension. I will work until I drop, or take myself off to Dignitas. I would love to be able to retire but sadly it will never be an option for me.

StarsSand · 07/02/2023 05:33

I would struggle in this situation.

Work isn't just about money, it's social, self esteem and feeling productive, contributing to society.

There are other ways to meet those needs but I think you need to be quite deliberate about it.

If your husband's business collapsed tomorrow, it he dropped dead or left you for his secretary- will you be ok financially? Will you have a life, a network and an identity outside of being a wife and mother?

How is your pension looking?

Do you have hobbies?

2crossedout1 · 07/02/2023 05:35

I think you're still a SAHM (even though your DC are at school) rather than retired. There's nothing wrong with that (I know a couple), except that you don't sound like you're loving it! Personally I wanted to go back to work when my kids started school - and I'm glad I did. As there's no pressure on you to be earning in the short term, can you start looking for a job and take your time over it? See if anything comes up that you really think "yes!" about.

JustJustWhy · 07/02/2023 05:40

What do you talk to people about at parties?

TheWayTheLightFalls · 07/02/2023 05:49

How old are your kids?

I run a small charity that is heavily dependent on volunteers. We have a number of women who are mid 40s+, children a bit more self-reliant, who are with us as a stepping stone back to work. They are the best! I think it's very normal, esp if you don't need to financially, to step back from work and focus on family when children are little, and then look outward a bit more once they are older. Just don't lose sight of yourself in it all.

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 07/02/2023 05:50

Cupcakegirl13 · 07/02/2023 04:35

I don’t think it’s called retired at such a young age ! I think it’s just called ‘not working ‘ or ‘unemployed’ ! Yes also please do check out what precious pp have said about NI contributions if you plan on claiming state pension when retirement does eventually come .

You can be retired if you're living on a pension - it would be possible to have a private pension (having invested a million or so in a pension fund or a portfolio of investments which would pay out an income for the next fifty years) if the individual had inherited a large amount, or sold a very successful business, or perhaps been a professional (male due to earnings 🤔) footballer...

I think though it sounds as though the op is a financially comfortable housewife. Nothing wrong with that if it's what you want to be and you are paying pension contributions into a private pension so that if your husband leaves or becomes unable to work/ the business goes under you don't end up on the poverty line when you actually are a pensioner with no pension!

As you're bored op perhaps you should reconsider finding a career you might enjoy - you have the luxury of not having to worry about not earning while training/ studying and not having to choose a high paying field, and could work part time and over pay into a private pension...

gogohmm · 07/02/2023 05:53

If you are under 55 you are not working rather than retired, you are living off your dh's income

gogohmm · 07/02/2023 05:56

Why not get involved in the work of a charity, community project or retrain? Also I would check your ni records, will you get a pension? Plus remember not all marriages last the distance, sad but true

demotedreally · 07/02/2023 05:56

Gosh you sound bored op. So bored.

I was bored when my kids went off to school, so I sympathize.

Obviously I got a job though.

StarsSand · 07/02/2023 05:59

JustJustWhy · 07/02/2023 05:40

What do you talk to people about at parties?

I was wondering that as well.

If I met OP at a party I'd struggle to think of questions to ask her.

Patertater · 07/02/2023 06:13

Even though your children are at school FT, unless they're boarding wouldn't you be a SAHM?

YukoandHiro · 07/02/2023 06:15

I will have to work til I'm at least 65 to pay our mortgage and support my kids through uni, and I haven't saved nearly enough for my own retirement yet.

So I can't be getting too sad about your situation, im afraid. But I totally understand your boredom. You can't do nothing for 30-40 years.

How old are your kids now? If teens or older, why not throw yourself into a new career - not for the money, but for the personal satisfaction?

hattie43 · 07/02/2023 06:20

I thought I had retired after covid lockdown I just didn't want to work but after 10 mths off I became bored . Not having any structure or purpose to your day seems futile when it's never ending . I went back to work , not for money but a sense of belonging / fitting in and the social side , using my brain etc . I was not ready to retire .

Terraria · 07/02/2023 06:20

You are not retired, you are a sahm. My sister also 'retired' even before she had children! Make sure you can financially support yourself if something happens to your relationship. Continue to pay in pension also important too.

FabbyDab · 07/02/2023 06:33

I agree with everyone else, you aren't retired, what is your pension situation like, you sound bored etc.

Like PP the question I would ask is if you were lying on your deathbed what would you want to look back on? Is "perfect housewife" it?

You are in a very privileged position because it sounds like you have the time and money to be able to retrain, go into volunteer work, pursue your own interests and passions. What are they?

I'm also curious about what you mean when you say "no freedom but lots of time". Can you elaborate? No freedom sounds awful.

Oblomov23 · 07/02/2023 06:48

You are not retired, just a sahm.

Swipe left for the next trending thread