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Retirement

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Original poster

Is anyone here under 45 and retired?

52 replies

Abba123 · 01/02/2023 09:13

In truth, I’m under 40.

I worked for my husband, the business did very well and then we had children and I became a full-time mum.

Then they all started school full-time and I was essentially retired.

I could have pick up some hours working for my husband but I don’t need to and it’s boring.

If I do take a paid position I’d actually be worse off unless I did so many hours that I’d miss out on the little that I do get to see my children.

I’ve done some courses and qualified for various professions that I could do in a voluntary role but again I have the conflict within myself that I could be putting that time into being the perfect housewife.

Oh I find everything boring.

No freedom but lots of time.

I see other mums quite happily spending this time on working on looking beautiful at the gym and spa... Pfft.

Is there anyone in this terribly privileged quagmire?

OP posts:
Ifailed · 07/02/2023 06:57

Do you have 35 years of National Insurance contributions? You need these to claim a full state pension at age 67, 68+

I'll be able to get one at 67, but my on-line record shows I have 37 years of full contributions but still need to pay another 3 years to get the full amount.

brokenarmabroad · 07/02/2023 06:59

StarsSand · 07/02/2023 05:59

I was wondering that as well.

If I met OP at a party I'd struggle to think of questions to ask her.

Show quote history

The implication that a SAHM is not interesting enough to be worth talking to is deeply unpleasant. If you honestly cannot think a single possible topic of conversation that doesn't revolve around work it says more about you than her.

ChimChimeny · 07/02/2023 07:04

Mumof1andacat · 07/02/2023 05:29

It must be so awful to be in your position 🥱

It would be awful for me! And I imagine lots of other people who prefer to work (i doo but part time)

A nd i agree with PP that you aren't retired, you're a SAHM and would be a housewife when your DC are grown up

Theonlyone67 · 07/02/2023 07:04

I’m under 45 & I don’t work (my choice) as my DH & I started a business together 10 years ago & it proved very successful. I can’t imagine going back to stressful 9-5 now. I joined some local clubs & found friends in same position as me so could meet up during day, why don’t you have any freedom?

Stellaris22 · 07/02/2023 07:04

I go to the gym but not to 'look beautiful' and it's a standard chain gym.

It is like a hobby and it's an investment in my health for older age.

SpringIntoChaos · 07/02/2023 07:06

You're either unemployed or a SAHM - a non-working woman in her 3Os is not retired...so unless you have a bloody amazing private pension or an inheritance, you're in a very precarious position OP. You absolutely cannot rely solely on your DH for your future pension. What happens if your marriage breaks down in 20 years time, and you've not built up any pension credits? You'll be screwed over, and for what? Because you were 'bored'? It's worth thinking about getting yourself a job, surely?

JustJustWhy · 07/02/2023 07:10

brokenarmabroad · 07/02/2023 06:59

The implication that a SAHM is not interesting enough to be worth talking to is deeply unpleasant. If you honestly cannot think a single possible topic of conversation that doesn't revolve around work it says more about you than her.

Show quote history

It's not the implication that a SAHM has nothing to talk about, it's the implication that I'd struggle to find anything to say to someone who has no interests or hobbies and does literally nothing with their day.

Wallywobbles · 07/02/2023 07:10

My identity and self worth is very much tied up in my job. And working. I've never really not enjoyed a job. I don't enjoy being a house wife though. Horses for courses.

BrokenHill · 07/02/2023 07:12

StarsSand · 07/02/2023 05:59

I was wondering that as well.

If I met OP at a party I'd struggle to think of questions to ask her.

Show quote history

I think that's more of a reflection on you, not her. I can think of loads of stuff! If she's travelled, about her children, opinions in current affairs, her life experiences, where she grew up, other family, etc etc. I've had lots of conversations with people and never struggled unless we don't click - that's the important bit.

thinykinny87 · 07/02/2023 07:12

JustJustWhy · 07/02/2023 05:40

What do you talk to people about at parties?

Well I'm in a similar position. Weirdly enough I would talk about current events, the hosts! How I know then. What the other person did it didn't do! Hobbies.

All much more interesting then wittering about a job. Even if when I had a career it rarely went beyond " and what do you do, oh that's interesting anyway,,

Delorestormborn · 07/02/2023 07:16

I would be very concerned that I’m not using my brain. I don’t think retiring super early is good for you. Lack of social interaction and brain stimulation is really bad for you.

QuizteamAguillera · 07/02/2023 07:25

I’ve not heard the term ‘housewife’ since about 1985!

Do you have lots of friends?

Volunteering can be very rewarding.

Noicant · 07/02/2023 07:30

I’m a trailing spouse. Tbh my child is still small so we are still very busy and where I live there’s no wrap around care. I’d pick up some hobbies if I were you. I started exercising because my body is knackered at the moment. OP would you consider re-training in something you would actually like to do? You could do a degree in something of interest?

OP has done various qualifications so clearly has worked on getting some mental stimulation. Also unless your job is actually quite complicated or challenging most jobs are doing the same sort of thing most days so I’m not sure I’m convinced that work actually provides much mental growth, my last job certainly didn’t.

ShiverOfSharks · 07/02/2023 07:32

How are you worse off working, exactly? Even if you were benefits-dependent, which seems unlikely, you wouldn't be worse off working once DC are in school.

HappyHolidai · 07/02/2023 07:36

Marie2023 · 07/02/2023 05:33

I will never retire as I have no pension. I will work until I drop, or take myself off to Dignitas. I would love to be able to retire but sadly it will never be an option for me.

Start one today! Saving just a small amount each month adds up over many years.

Beseen22 · 07/02/2023 08:11

I work 2 nightshifts a week but have the school week off with my kids and do every drop off and pick up. My youngest has just gone to nursery 9-3 and I'm feeling a bit lost. Life is still busy after 3pm but during the day it's mind numbing. For the last 6 years someone has needed me at all times and all of a sudden I have all this free time. I've definitely lost my identity.

If you are mid 30s you could have 30 years at a career of your choice and you have the privilege of having funds behind you to be comfortable enough to study. Is there anything that you fancy doing? Is there a career that looks flexible to you?

Coffeeandt · 07/02/2023 08:18

I'm kind of in this position but I don't consider myself retired (I retire when my husband retires). I've been a sahm for the past 8 years. I did work before this but only in low paid retail jobs. Two years ago I took an active role in my husbands business and it's gone from strength to strength. Some days I enjoy it because I manage my own day and I enjoy business. I do the bookkeeping, marketing and admin but I am a director so if anything happened to him I could keep the business going, although it would be challenging due to the industry. A divorce would be trickier but we own 50/50. I like coming up with new ideas or new ways of doing things and discussing them with my husband at the end of the day. Is there any area you could get involved with that you would enjoy? I can make my workload as little or as small as I like. I take a salary from the business so my NI is covered, we both have money going into a private pension too. I do have some down days... I'm not lonely but I do get overwhelmed with being a sahm mum to four kids and trying to work from home. It can get boring too. I need a hobby but my youngest hasn't started school yet so I'm not entirely free. He's due to start in September. I would suggest trying to find a hobby if you are generally happy at home like I am. I'm an introvert so I don't want a social hobby. Occasionally I got to work with my husband which is fun to do now and then. As others have said make sure all bases are covered with your national insurance contributions, private pension, life insurance etc or spend some time doing lots of career quizzes to see if there's something more fulfilling out there for you.
We have lots of ideas to expand our business and start new ones, so I have a lot on the horizon which keeps me going on the really boring days.

OriginalUsername2 · 07/02/2023 08:19

StarsSand · 07/02/2023 05:59

I was wondering that as well.

If I met OP at a party I'd struggle to think of questions to ask her.

Show quote history

That’s sad! There’s so much more to people than how they get their money.

JustJustWhy · 07/02/2023 08:27

OriginalUsername2 · 07/02/2023 08:19

That’s sad! There’s so much more to people than how they get their money.

Show quote history

I agree, but not in the OP's case. She doesn't like or do anything.

StarsSand · 07/02/2023 08:45

It's more that she sounds boring than the fact that she's a SAHM.

She doesn't mention any hobbies or interests. She doesn't say she volunteers or sits on boards or crafts or explores nature.

There are lots of very interesting SAHP and retired people.

It's not a snobbery thing about how people make money, it's more - how do you spend your time and what are you passionate about.

She doesn't mention anything that resembles that.

DistrictCommissioner · 07/02/2023 08:54

There are lots of small local charities that rely on people like the OP to sit on the trustee boards. I work for one. Assuming you’ve got some skills & competencies we would bite your hand off to have someone different to our usual profile (everyone is significantly older than their 40s).

JJ8765 · 07/02/2023 09:14

Lots of research starting to come out about dementia and people who retire early. Being the perfect housewife at home with no other interests is the worst thing you can do for your brain. It’s better to do something boring than do nothing. I hope your DH is paying into a private pension for you as well as himself.

RudsyFarmer · 07/02/2023 09:26

You have to find something you enjoy that isn’t boring!!! There has to be something that fires up a little passion!

Paturday · 07/02/2023 09:56

I haven’t had a job for 10 years but about to try going back. I LOVE being a SAHM but who doesn’t need more money?? And there’s a part of my brain that is unfulfilled and wants the job/career side of things. But if you don’t, things I do as a SAHM:

pay NI contributions
save into vanguard ISA and other pots
volunteer (kids clothes bank thing and trying to find another place!)
PTA
hobbies: art, crochet, exercise etc
being very present for my kids and enjoying the ease of ferrying them places while I don’t need to juggle working

There is loads you can do without working. But once the baby is in school I’m going to be expanding not lessening the load and I’m laying the groundwork for that now.

Life can be rich and it sounds like yours is a bit lacking otherwise why the post? You can do loads! You’re so lucky to be able to say that. You need a bit of a boost by the sounds of it, have a brainstorm and see what avenues you want to explore.

JizzlordTheCat · 07/02/2023 10:00

JustJustWhy · 07/02/2023 05:40

What do you talk to people about at parties?

How many parties do you go to that you base your life around what you’ll discuss when you’re at one?

OP, I could be in a similar position to you but chose to work. I’ll retire at 50 (a decade away) but would hate to be at a loose end as it sounds like you are. Some people are terrific at filling their free time, others are not.

If you struggle with this in your thirties, it’s going to be even worse as you get older. Please don’t make yourself obsolete from life.