Are all men the same?

No, but sadly I think we live in a world where men can get away with this behaviour, ‘weaponised incompetence’ I think it’s called so many continue to act like this.

I've been married twice and also the main breadwinner by far.
and yes, there is that expectation to be their bangmaid.

This last one was also secretly resentful and jealous of my success. He hid it so damn well and I was shocked when he finally admitted it to me.

Things in society are changing slowly but it's still definitely a man's world.

And no, I'll never marry or live with one again.

Absolutely not, no and I think you will get a lot of replies saying just this. My OH can cook, clean, use the washing machine and vacuum, do his own ironing, change the bedding, do the shopping, all without prompting. My ex-H was totally the opposite and couldn't/wouldn't do jack around the house. One of the many reasons he's an ex!

No but men are socialised too think of themselves as Moore important than women so many do.

Is your son not a man? I think that you have answered your own question.

So many of them are are.

But you’ll soon get lots of replies saying what ’misandry’ this thread is.

I’d also add that most men do not seem to even see women as human beings. And lot of them hate women. Truly hate women.

I'm ashamed to say I've been divorced three times.

I've been divorced twice. I'm not ashamed. Why should we be? It doesn't work for us and that's completely fine 🤷🏼‍♀️

Are all men the same, I think the single ones that I could meet at my age mostly are yes. They'd still be married or someone would have snapped them up otherwise. The good ones stay married. I suppose all that could apply to me also though!

Sadly true.
It's like we are some type of appliance to them.

They want us around for status, the service we provide for them, the status of having children, to have sex with.

If we don't live up to that, they cheat or they leave.

No. My Dad does everything for my mum, 99% cooking and all housework plus gardening and DIY. He enjoys helping others its almost compulsive. But I’ve never met another man like him. 😔

DH has definitely also progressed from being caring and helpful before marriage to wanting a maid he can shag, so I dunno what to tell you. He does mow the lawn if I ask 1000 times and will empty the bin if I ask but he huffs and puffs and expects so much praise it’s exhausting. Cooking? My job. Clearing up after meal? Cleaning? My job. Childcare? My job. Gardening? My job.

If we split up I wouldn’t bother with another one, no.

Weaponised/strategic incompetence can work both ways though. My mother will not put petrol in her own car, mow the lawn, or change lightbulbs because they’re ‘man’s jobs’. She’s perfectly capable, she just prefers my father to do it.

No but my dad (now widowed but has a cleaner) and my DH do somewhat conform. Latter does make the effort in many ways, especially since he started working from home (long ago, not pandemic-related) but still needs "reminders". He gets short shrift when I mention jobs that need doing and he says he emptied the dishwasher a week last Tuesday (exaggeration for comic effect).

Can I ask if you put up with it for less time with each marriage. When it started you knew where it was going so you just thought feck this I'm outa here. Or did you think this can't be happening again so prolonged it. Sorry for question but I don't know anyone 3 times divorced. A few on 3rd marriages but not divorced yet.

Sadly I think you have made poor choices and marriage perhaps isn’t for you. I’m lucky that I have one who does lots of things around the house without being asked, probably more than 50% to be honest but whilst that is fine, he has lost interest in me sexually so I have my own concerns on different things.

Just stay single. I will if we split up.

That's what I thought!

Definitely not. I was convinced all were the same after multiple failed relationships, I swore I would never date again. I am now very happy with my partner, infact couldn't imagine my life without him. He treats me right, we are a team! He cares about my feelings, asks me how my day is etc, all the little things that make a difference.

Don't give up! The right man will be out there for you somewhere 🥰

I know a couple exactly like this, the wife won’t do anything, just calls on husband for anything with a slight bemused “he can do it much better than me “, look on her face.

Genuineky find it highly amusing that some posters put the blame on the men, rather than bad choices.

No all men are not the same. Neither are all women.

Of course all men aren't the same. You said it yourself - your son isn't like that. My DH is perfectly capable of looking after himself / a house and we share the workload 50/50. If anything, he has more energy than me so sometimes does more.

I can also think of people I know who exercise 'strategic incompetence' (men and women). Men who would have people believe the washing machine or shopping list is far too complicated for them and women who say they can't go in the loft / work a drill / drive on the motorway. I find both equally frustrating.

Some people make bad choices.

You'd probably get similar complaints from men who'd been in bad marriages.

Your picker is obviously off if you keep ending up with men like this. Not saying it’s easy to find a good man, I’d say it’s 50/50 whether they’re decent or not.

I haven't found a decent one yet but I'm happy to keep looking. I'm generally an optimistic person and I'd put it closer to 20/80 ratio decent to worthless.

Of my 5 close female friends, only one has a decent loving husband. The rest are lazy freeloading & abusive despite their wives being intelligent career women.

I've always avoided marriage as a result.

Maybe you need some time out.

They’re not all like this. There’s nothing wrong with you that you haven’t found one yet. I thank my lucky stars I found my DH.

Well said

'Bangmaid'

I love that!

It's so true.

I'm going to use that on mn threads from now on.

I've found that the only decent men are ones from very female focussed families eg had a single mum, lots of esp older sisters, women in the family all working/ earning well, matriarch grannies etc.

The ones with male role models seem to suck.

Ultimately yes try are. Some may think they have a "good one" but that just means their partners haven't had the opportunity to "go rogue". Or the posters are unaware what's actually going on...