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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

sister in laws.. do you like yours?

76 replies

Tarzanna · 18/08/2005 21:42

I have a sil who is identical in age to me, went to same university at same time and has similar interests to me. However she is completely uninterested in me often to the point of being rude. Her children are now beginning to copy her and extend that same "friendliness".. not.. to my kids. Can take it for myself but cannot bear to see my kids treated badly. Only problem is her husband who is very nice is dh's only family member. Any tips?

OP posts:
acnebride · 19/08/2005 09:18

Sad situation Tarzanna but there may not be a lot you can do. Recently my brother seems to have stopped forcing my SIL to spend loads of time with us as it was clearly making her miserable. Result - everyone's a lot more relaxed. She is a really intelligent and thoughtful woman but I can't say I know her even though she's been married to my brother for 19 years. But this sort of decision would have to come from dh's brother. Maybe encourage dh to see his brother on his own a lot, and see if you can occasionally get the mutual kids in on these visits? If they are together with their dad and see him treating your kids well, they are just as likely to copy him?

fqueenzebra · 19/08/2005 09:29

Mine (2) truly are mentally ill.. on disability for it, and everything. They scare me. Try hard to limit contact.

nexie · 19/08/2005 10:42

future sil chose dadas x to be her bridesmaid and they all sat together at the top table (SHOCK) and no they wern't friends before..... i will never forgive her

Original poster
Tarzanna · 19/08/2005 10:56

After reading some of those I should feel quite grateful really. I am never rude to her but just mirror her complete disinterest. she has large extended family which her dh is absorbed into and so ignores his brother my dh and his own extended family who are all lovely. Opinion in the family ranges from " she's shy" (she has a job which involves smoozing lots of people so shy doesn't cut it with me) to "she's a stuck up cow"...
The really sad thing is that my kids have 1 cousin who lives in london who we see sporadically as we are 200 miles away and my sil 2 kids who are 10 mins away. we have brought up our kids to see cousins as "special". However they don't always speak if we bump into them locally... How do I explain that to my kids?

OP posts:
cheekymonkey257 · 19/08/2005 22:44

I have been reading Mnet for a while now and this thread has prompted my first post. I was really looking forward to having a SIL one day but unfortunately we don't get on. She hated the sight of me & DH until I had DS now seems like she wants to be friends. DH & I are both scared to let guard down after past attempts have resulted in us being hurt by her. Although the only people who will suffer if we don't are our children.

Pinotmum · 19/08/2005 22:47

My brother's wife is lovely and my dd ADORES her so much she would swap me for her anyday My dh's brothers wives are Ok but I don't really see much of them as they live in Scotland and we are in London. I have a feeling I wouldn't get on too well with one of them though but thankfully this is unlikely to be put to the test

cheekymonkey257 · 19/08/2005 23:05

She is BIL's wife. Feel quite that relationship is like this as would have really liked to have been close but she is the kind of person who cannot see other peoples point of view. I am a live and let live kinda gal.

Caligula · 19/08/2005 23:10

No I hate them all.

Except all the ex ones, all of whom I really liked and all of whom my tiresome idiot brother's split up with.

Why is it that all the permanent people in your life are a bloody nuisance, and all the temporary ones are too lovely for words?

cheekymonkey257 · 19/08/2005 23:14

LOL [GRIN]

MIL is pain in the bum too but that's a different thread!

cheekymonkey257 · 19/08/2005 23:16

Will get the hang of adding pictures soon !

kama · 19/08/2005 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MistressMary · 19/08/2005 23:31

No.

Nbg · 19/08/2005 23:34

One of my SIL'S we don't see anymore because she's done some pretty horrible things to the family.

My BIL's new girlfriend is fantastic though, I count her as my SIL.

beckym · 20/08/2005 11:31

Not married, but don't get on with dp's twin sister. At all. She had been trying for a baby for 2 years, when i found out i was pregnant, so we were nice enough to go round and break the news to her in a nice way. Nice as anything to my face, then doesn't speak to dp or myself for the first 4 months of my pregnancy, and if it was ever mentioned infront of her, she would go home crying, saying we were being thoughtless. Even when she did start speaking to us, it was all really awkward. 5 months later, she found out she was pregnant so of course keeps phoning being all nice and asking for advice now doesn't she. Really pees me off. She's such a selfish person. ds is 7 weeks old, and she's been to our house once to see him, so we have to go to her house. And when we do see her, she only ever talks about herself!! Always has to be the best at everything, have the best house, best car...you know how it is, and yet dp's parents think the sun shines out of her arse. Why i don't bloody know!!!!

Anyway, rant over now!

serenity · 20/08/2005 11:35

I get on really well with one SIL now she lives abroad (we have absolutely nothing in common at all apart from DH, and they argue like 5 yr olds at the best of times!) and I get on really well with my DBros wife, especially now she's had a baby.

BunnyBoo · 20/08/2005 11:41

No she is a shit stiring COW! Can't stand her totally off my wave length!

jenk1 · 20/08/2005 11:41

cheeky monkey have a look at my MUL-GRRR thread to post about your MIL

BunnyBoo · 20/08/2005 11:42

Sorry i must add thats Dh's sister, on the other hand my other sil is fine and get on well with her.

Janh · 20/08/2005 11:42

basketcase, your stray bird arms gave me the biggest LOL!

Passionflower · 20/08/2005 21:29

My DH's bro and his wife are comming to stay with us for a week on wednesday, bringing with them their two littles. Generally speaking she's cool, but I may have a different tale to tell after a week of her in my house!

myturn · 20/08/2005 21:30

No.

fireflyfairy2 · 20/08/2005 21:39

OMG beckym your SIL sounds exactly like mine! EXACTLY! She doesnt speak to us as we have dd and ds.. she is ttc and i bet as soon as she conceives she'll be expecting me to be as nice as pie to her... well, she can put soap on her are amd slide one cos i dont want her anymore!
We had been best friends.. did the b'maid thing at each others weddings... she stopped speaking to me when i was 4 months with dd saying she was in a better position to be pregnant and that it wasnt fair that i was.. i could've slapped her.. then she came round.. took to DD and i included her in everything... even down to letting her think she had found dd's first tooth (I had found it in the afternoon, but as she kept checking every time i saw her, i asked her to check..knowing there was a tooth )
but then she started becoming distant again when we were building our house...i didnt realise then but i should have done, that she was a green eyed monster.. then when i got pregnant with DS, MIL told her and she fled their house in tears cursing me for being a bith to her!! she came to see ds the day after she was born and he is 8 months now and we've not seen her since January.... good riddance

mummyoffour · 20/08/2005 21:45

my SIL and I have had a very bumpy and turbulent relationship we were best friends b4 her brother and I fell in love and least to say she was not impressed and actually said I had crossed a boundary and our relationship slowing fell apart. Which is a shame but you cannot help who you fall in love with.

fuzzywuzzy · 20/08/2005 21:48

I have four sil's (all dp's sister's), the older two are lovely, the younger two are utterly ghastly (I am younger than them all, and I think the younger two are merely jealous of me).
I did try to sell the worst of two evil witches in the 'for sale' section on MN a while back (evil cow was staying with us and was being exceptionally horribel), sadly nobody wanted her

joash · 20/08/2005 22:07

Love the one married to my brother. the one married to DH's brother is okay - well quite nice really, but even after over 24 years, I don't think of her as a friend. We see each other at family 'things' but other than that - we're too different.