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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does this sound weird to anyone?

97 replies

harrysharbour · 18/06/2010 12:59

I Have name changed to write this as it is sensitive.Dh and I have been married for 9 years and our marriage has been up and down. We have especailly had problems with sex which we are both currently seeing a relate counsellor. I found out yesterday by mistake that my husband has an e mail address I did not know about. I found out by opening a parcel that was sent to him (I know very V V bad of me) the parcel contained men's underwear which I would describe as erotic and not the type he wears normally. I have found pants hidden in his sports bag before of this type but never seen him wear them, they have never been through the wash (i know I do all the washing!) and the ones I have found before he has obviously ejaculated in. He has also had other deliveries of mens pants which have never turned up in his pant drawer. He told me when I asked about the email address that he had only used it for recruitment and to order a shed. When I asked if he had ordered anyhting else he said no. I resealed the parcel and left it on the side with the rest of his post and I saw him pick it up and rush off with it. I have looked everywhere to find it as I thought if he had simply ordered some new pants he would have said, when I asked him what the parcel was but he said it was nothing, just something for work. If it was innocent why did he lie? Am I being paranoid? I know I should trust him and not be sneaking about opening his post I am just desperate to know what is in his mind (He does not talk about his feelings much) If he likes to wear these pants to masturbate I would be OK with it, I just want him to share is feelings with me. All sorts of things go through my mind! What do you think?

OP posts:
maltesers · 18/06/2010 17:19

yeah, but into womens knickers , not mens pants.
I reckon he certainly has gay tendancies.

Loads of men are married to women but are gay or bi you know.

Hullygully · 18/06/2010 17:19

There could be all sorts of perfectly innocent possibilities. Like the bus one. My friend was wearing those low slung trousers.

Poshwellies · 18/06/2010 17:21

having a wank in pants is not a massive deal imo,aslong as the man put his crispy undercrackers in the wash himself.

foureleven · 18/06/2010 17:21

and someone jizzed on his pants hullygully, how distressing!

I have a headache, I havent really contemplated other men jizzing since Ive been with DP and now I have all kinds of images Im not finding very nice!

OP I hope you sort this out, def speak about it at councelling. all the best.

maltesers · 18/06/2010 17:22

on the other hand he isnt gay but is either having an affair or got totally turned on at a strip club. . .or was watching a porn film or just wanked in somewhere and bobs your uncle in your pants ! ! IYSWIM.

foureleven · 18/06/2010 17:23

god I hope he never sees this thread he'd be mortified!

2010Dad · 18/06/2010 17:25

The last time I ejaculated in my pants I was about 15 years old when my mum burst into my room and interrupted a wank at the worst possible moment.

Could THIS be the OP's DH?

foureleven · 18/06/2010 17:26

My pint exactly.. grown men dont come in their pants for no reason...

Poshwellies · 18/06/2010 17:27

hahaha @ 2010Dad for googling 'ejaculating in my pants'

Best you wipe your internet history!

Poshwellies · 18/06/2010 17:28

Pint? I'll have a pint if you are offering.

DeFluffy · 18/06/2010 17:32

Snooker as a hobby, as in potting the pink and the brown??

foureleven · 18/06/2010 17:33

oh, sorry for typos... I thought they were allowed on here?

Eww pints... jizz... im off

Mittz · 18/06/2010 17:33

If women apparently walk around sporting those loveball thingummies for 'fun', I don't see a massive difference.

Some of us are just more charged than others, doesn't make us weirdy perverts with deep, deviant sexual secrets. Better out than in as they say

Is HH 'sharing her DP's thoughts' with him now?

thesunshinesbrightly · 18/06/2010 17:33

yeh lovely, me to.

oh and i think its weird.

Poshwellies · 18/06/2010 17:37

Well said Mittz! Just because something is a bit 'wierd' or different to what we personally like,it doesn't make them raging pervs.

thesunshinesbrightly · 18/06/2010 17:38

Yes well my experience it does.

harrysharbour · 18/06/2010 17:38

Oh Dear I am starting to wish I had never posted as I really thought I was over reacting. I will bring it up with the counsellor but I have no idea how to bring it up with DH. He wil be fuming I have been prying (which I have as I would never have none any of this without) We are in sex thrapy as DH and I struggle to talk about sex so I think he is using them for wanking (maybe he likes the feel of the pants) and is too embarrsed to discuss with me he enoys this (I wish he would as compared with the idea of dogging and gay sex it would not bother me) As an earlier poster wrote we do have problems in our marriage already. I want to know the truth but also I am scared it is something that we cannot recover from as I love him. As she puts her head firmly back in the sand!

Thank you to those who answered, glad that it gave some of you a laugh on a Friday. Was obvioulsy not the idea of the post!

OP posts:
Poshwellies · 18/06/2010 17:40

I do hope you get it sorted Harry.

maltesers · 18/06/2010 17:42

Yes, let us know what happens .

TheBoyWithaSORNedMX5 · 18/06/2010 17:44

harry it does all sound a bit odd, although I think the likelihood is that he has a little fetish that he feels embarrassed about. Had it been more sinister there wouldn't have been quite so many jokey responses - you should take a little comfort in that I think.

Will you have the opportunity to talk to the counsellor about this alone, ahead of mentioning it to your DH?

vinauchocolat · 18/06/2010 17:53

Well, I know head is in sand etc, but is it possible there is another woman somewhere who likes these pants, they have had sex and he then puts the pants back on? Sorry I don't want to be mean and hope it's not this but er, after sex, it keeps coming out.. and this would explain the email address and the secrecy. Anyway, fingers crossed it works out fine for you.

Meita · 18/06/2010 18:01

Do I understand it right, that you are not in couple therapy, but are seeing your therapist alone?

Perhaps in his therapy sessions, his therapist encouraged him to experiment with the secret longings he "confessed" to the therapist, and is hoping/aiming that eventually he will feel comfortable enough to share them with you.

So maybe it is all just part of the therapeutic process?

2010Dad · 18/06/2010 18:10

Hope it all works out for the best, op.

CliffBarnsby · 18/06/2010 18:22

My DP comes into his pants.. I never realized it was weird tbh!

Yes, I know it is HIM and yes, i know he is alone when he does it, too.

I'd be bothered about the secrecy and the obvious lying but I am not 100% convinced the pants themselves mean anything.

AMumInScotland · 18/06/2010 18:35

If he struggles to talk about sex with you, I'd say there's every chance that this is something at the "innocent" end of the spectrum, which he is just too inhibited to be honest with you about. Like, he just enjoys the feel and look of them, and is embarrassed to tell you that he'd like to wear things like that more often, or as a precurser to sex with you.

You could maybe try getting yourself some underwear that makes you feel sexy and talk to him about how the look and feel of it turns you on, and talk about how people enjoy the sensations of different things, and how you'd love to feel he could enjoy the same sort of feelings. You could even buy him some in that style as a little present, and say you think he'd look sexy in them. If you can make this part of your relationship, instead of a dirty little secret then that would be a good thing. Actually, it can still be a "dirty little secret" that you share

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