I'm nasty, anti-social and becomming increasingly mean

[StrugglingToBeNice]

I apologise for the name-change but I am embarrassed by my bevahiour and feelings and don't really wish for this post to tar my entire existance on mumsnet.
The problem is that I have had to come to the realisation that I can't stand my partners child. She winds me up, annoys me, irritates me and although I have tried so hard to pretend otherwise I feel I just cannot live with her anymore, for her sake as well as mine.
She's only 13 but she is such hard work. She constantly clings to my partner and we get no break from her. When he gets in from work at 4pm she immediately goes to him and asks for hugs etc which is obv. fair enough but she then sticks to him like glue, even when he tells her he needs to get on with things she refuses to let him move. She clings to him as he goes into the kitchen, clings to him as he goes into the garden (to the point where he finds it difficult to actually get out of the door) clings to him as he comes back inside, if he sits next to me on the sofa she clings to him, sits on him (with her back to me). If we try and talk she interferes (like during the election we were trying to discuss politics and she kept butting in every 5 minutes) she comes home from school and brags about the people she's swore at/punched/nipped/kicked and my partner sees nothing wrong with that. She is constantly craving attention, fills her facebook page up with silly comments such as "my dad is watching TV now so I'm lonely and depressed again" and of course if my partner sees it he rushes upstairs to make sure she's ok and ends up "trapped" in her bedroom for hours.
I try to clean up, she's up my back, in my way, trying to get between me and her father constantly. My partner says she's 13 and we need to treat her more grown up by giving her a clothing allowance yet in the next breath he's saying to me that I can't go out without making her a sandwich and putting it in the fridge for when she gets out of bed at lunch time. Why can't she make her own lunch??
We bought her a set of drawers, spent two days putting them together (inbetween 2 full time jobs and another child) dragged them upstairs (whilst she sat there like lady muck watching munching crisps, never offered to help) went out and bought her two lovely pyjama sets yesterday then last night we went to bed to find my partner's mobile phone on his bedside table harbouring 15 new text messages:

"Dad, I need you upstairs"
"DAD"
"oh my, why don't you ever check your phone!"
"I'm going to die :-( I need your help"
"Please dad, I need you"
"DAD!!!! THANKS A LOT FOR IGNORING ME"
"well I guess you don't care, as usual"
"DAD!!!"
"DAD CAN YOU PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ANSWER ME IT IS IMPORTANT"
"RIGHT FINE IGNORE ME THEN I'LL JUST GET INTO TROUBLE AT SCHOOL AND YOU WON'T CARE ANYWay"
"SOME FATHER YOU ARE - NOT"

ffs - it turned out she needed a bit of homework printing out, why couldn't she just ghave come downstairs and asked like a normal person? why such a massive drama? She inisists she cannot work her laptop (imo an excuse to get him upstairs in her room). He needs to "install" games for her, apparantly it's too difficult for her to press "English" "Next" and "Install". We can't go anywhere without her moaning and clinging to my partner.
But on the other hand I am aware that I am being harsh and bitchy. I know she just wants attention and she is probably insecure and jealous of the fact that I am with her father but I cannot shake off these feelings of irritation. We're sat there watching TV nice and quietly on an evening, having a chat and we hear her coming downstairs and my eyes automatically roll. Next minute she's sat ON my partner and that's it, conversation over, TV program no-watchable, peace shattered. I could understand if she was 5 but she's 13.
I just cannot live with her anymore, she winds me up to the point where I cannot hide my feelings. My partner is also to blame, babying her, defending her silly actions (like the barage of text messages), giving in to her every 5 minutes. I think it's best for everyone if we split up but in the meantime, how do I squash these negative feelings towards his child? I know he must feel it too

I dont really get your problem.
You dont want to be there, dont be then, Move out, this has been goin on for ages why are you still there? If you really wanted out you could make it happen SO MAKE IT HAPPEN.

As for the time being. fuck them both, niether has any respect for you or shows any consideration for your feelings. so fuck them.

Concentrate on your son not ending up as screwed up as they are and on moving out.

typos. baby on lap sorry

I think it was more that we were hoping it wasn't true because it's so sad. It's the way that the facts unfolded from a simple tale of not getting on with a stroppy teen, to a quite worrying case of child neglect - sometimes the sign of a troll, others of a gradual opening by the OP who may not always have realised what they were in the middle of.

OK then, get out as soon as you can, and sic the social services on them, for their own good. If they won't even let you help they are beyond anything you can do, but maybe someone else can sort them out before it's too late.

QS speak a huge amount of sense.

S'OK. It's just that one of the problems we've had with it is child's fierce insistence that it isn't happening/doesn't happen to anyone else at 12/will all go away if child pretends it didn't happen again -- all because it's such a stigma.

And in fact, it's pretty common even at 12 or 13.

But is it also common for a parent to insist the child does not have to shower, does not need new bedding? What parent what their teenage daughter to stink from urine, and sleep in bedding which has been wet again and again?

I know you are trying to normalize your situation with your child, and under normal circumstances I would say "yes, bedwetting is possibly normal", however, THIS situation is totally different to yours. I hope.

bedwetting is apparently down to the body developing a certain hormone late. slows down the production of urine while you're asleep.

what i don't understand is not cleaning it up.

surely that will go miles towards showing the child that you love them? that they're clean and sleep in clean bedding, don't get sore and don't smell? surely that's more important than getting them to make their own sandwich?

The op has a new thread, telling her full story, she says she wont post here again. She clearly needs help exploring her options. here

The autobiography of Constance Briscoe tells of how her bed wetting went on for years - until she was able to break away from her abusive mother. All I'm saying is that bed wetting is not confined to very young children and that there can be many issues behind its cause.

Apologies for skimming thread ... QS wrote:

"Sometimes she wets the bed more than once a week and last time it had been TWO WEEKS since her sheets had been changed ... I think they both have mental health issues tbh, I think all 3 of them do. Mother, father and daughter.
DP says he used to wet the bed until he was 15 and his parents never used to change the bed any more than once a week and he used to wear the same pyjamas and was not forced to get a shower/bath when it happened. He was bullied at school. "

Oh, God. How awful. He went through it, and now DD is having to relive it?

While I disliked the attitude that came through in your first-page posts (reason why I didn't read the rest, btw) I have to say this is NO situation to be getting involved with! Not only are you not their appointed family therapist, but they haven't requested therapy. In what ways is this family enhancing your life?

Sorry. QS STBN

Grace, see my below post with link to new thread.

Posted. Thanks, QS.

I have seen a brilliant link on here about the difference between advertising to men and women: do take a look, it's very funny

Oops, sorry, wrong thread. Still, it might make you laugh!

In retrospect boarding school probably not the answer as her issues concerning hygiene etc. more challenging and girls can be very cruel. Being super mother par excellence I could probably sort her out but MR WIMP WOULD HAVE TO GO.