Me on here, looking for advice again. I left my H nearly a year ago and posted a lot about that (I'm the person whose H said I needed to have a nose job and threatened to punch me; unrelated incidents...). H is an unpleasant, manipulative and controlling person who took no interest in DD when we were still together. He was emotionally abusive towards me and nearly destroyed me. If it hadn't been for Mumsnet, my parents and my counsellor (who I'm still seeing) I don't know how I would have found the confidence to leave.
Anyway, H has been seeing DD fairly regularly for the last 6 months or so (she is now 19.5 months). He comes over one night per week to my place to "do bathtime" and he meets her one day during the week for lunch. These are the arrangements he has requested. By "do bathtime" I mean he sits there and watches while my nanny gives DD her tea, bathes her, puts her PJs on etc (I stay out of the way on these nights).
A few months ago H said he wanted to start seeing DD on weekends. I suggested he start for a few hours one afternoon- take her to the park etc. He did this for two weekends and then just stopped. One weekend he said the traffic was too bad (London marathon). The next weekend he said he felt sick. And the next weekend he just didn't come. He then didn't pursue any further weekend contact.
Anyway, H has now called me saying he wants to have DD to stay at his flat for 3 nights per week. I am pretty uncomfortable about this. I know that what's important is DD, but this seems too drastic for a child of her age- to go from seeing her father for a couple of hours a week to suddenly being at his house for 3 nights every week. Especially given that he has never actually taken care of her- either before or after I left. He has never prepared her food, never given her a bath, never dressed her, never even really changed a nappy.
In H's usual delightful way, the conversation was full of veiled threats. He hopes we can reach agreement on this very quickly, otherwise....
This has all come totally out of the blue and I admit that I'm having an emotional reaction where all my fear of H is welling up again, after so long of feeling strong. I just don't trust him at all- he is still the same manipulative and cold person he was a year ago. He claims to have made great progress with his counsellor, but I see no change. I'm convinced he has persuaded his counsellor that he is the innocent victim here. He certainly seems to believe so.
I would appreciate any words of wisdom and practical suggestions for how to deal with this. Thank you.