Has anyone ever experienced a retraction?

[rancidamoeba]

Once when I was younger i finished with someone and later realised i still liked them, a lot, eventually we got back together. Has anyone ever had it happen to them, where someone finishes with them and then later changes their mind, and what happened? Did you have a feeling about it or anything like that? I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

SOmeone finished with me when I was 16, then asked me out again 6 months later. I went out with him again, but got bored, and couldn't help thinking he had merely found nothing better to do, so I dumped him

HTH

i finishd with OH when we were 18 and got back together when we were 22 (still together) i never stopped loving him and he was the same.

Thanks colditz, I was wondering whether that sort of thing still happens when older? My experience was when I was 16 too, now more than twice that age.

i thought this was going to be about that thing that (allegdely) happens when you get scared mid-shag and the bloke's knob gets stuck inside you and they need bolt cutters to get you separated...

I started going out again with my college boyfriend about 12 years after the initial break-up. 3 months down the road I remembered why we broke up the first time! At least it was a long distance thing and we really only saw each other a handful of times before I came to my senses and dumped him ended it.

Thank you bh, again that was when you were much younger though, I presume.

well i am 23 now so yeah we are still young. are you having regrets?

oh SGb, always with the tone-lowering

Thanks for that sgb
Just having a bit of turmoil going on in my head.

It wasn't me that ended it.

has you relationship just ended rancid and you are hoping tehre will be a change of heart? was it a long term relationship? what were the reasons for it ending?

Wasn't long term. Was ended almost before it started, he said he didn't love me, so to stop it. Just confused I guess, I felt more loved than I've ever felt before. I keep feeling as if it was that he couldn't handle how he felt, and that's making it harder to move on. I know it sounds pathetic. Hard to explain really.

I too wondered what a retraction was, and SGB made me laugh . But for story from someone a little older, dh and I after I think 8 years of being married and 13 years together separated and then got back together again properly two years later. But it was a bit of complicated story, and we had/have a lot of history.

Yes there's history, with previous going of our separate ways. I'm normally fairly laid back about these things, it's just that it's different with him.

I'm currently going through something similar...1st bloke I went out with properly at 15,lost my virginity to him, 1st love and all that, recently got chatting again. Found that I was falling for him way too quick, simply because we thought we were the same people we were back then. However, it's all pretty much gone tits up so far, as we aren't the same as we were back then, how could we be? It's a shame cos on one hand I think, yeah, I really like him, got all these fond memories of back then...but hes a stubborn sulky arse bugger now who is always right. And I was innocent and sweet back then, but now I'm jaded and neurotic of anyone I may have feelings for, thinking they're prob up to no good.

But I obviously do hope it's different for you, good luck!

Clarab that sounds like the same bloke :-), or do all men become like that after a certain age?

XH rang me a few months after we'd separated, and said he'd had a dream that we got back together. I said if he rang me again for any reason other than to discuss practical matters about the children I would tell the police he was harassing me. So no, no reconciliation in our case

Yes - my first love, at university. He dumped me after going back for vacation and getting back together with his ex. Then when he came back to uni we ended up getting back together again.

This happened again (twice!) and really screwed me up. It was the relationship that wouldn't die and took me years to get over. That's not to say that it couldn't work out for you - I think it really depends on the reasons you broke up in the first place. To be honest, though, I think I'd always be wary of this happening in the future - I imagine it would be quite likely that whatever problems caused you to break up the first time would just come up again.

I'm just a big old cynic now though, I hope it works out for you!

Rancid, sorry you're feeling grim (and my intention was to make you laugh).
But this man has told you he doesn't love you. He's been honest with you. That will be a comfort later on - that he's a decent enough bloke not to string you along.
You will feel better soon but hanging on to false hopes will not do you much good.

I guess I just have to focus on other things. It's just that I keep getting these niggling thoughts about it all, that I don't want to entertain, because I know they are unhelpful.

My FIL was engaged to a woman in his early 20s.
They broke up, had their own families but stayed friends.
They got back together the week fil left mil!
They are married now, after 25 years apart.

Thanks CT. I guess the point is that they were once engaged. We just had a weird and quite intense friendship and I guess I got too attached. And when we'd had a drink things got blurred somewhat. Just want the nagging and non-constructive thoughts to go away. Also I do feel a bit as if I was drawn in and then spat out.

Ok, a few weeks on and he says he is sad and he misses what we had and he was trying to do the right thing . . . And I've met someone really kind who doesn't play with my head and is a lovely friend. We don't fancy each other so we can have a drink without anything untoward occurring. Still love the other one though, so saga ongoing . . .