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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice needed for abusive relationship

79 replies

NETTEYJC · 04/06/2010 13:58

I have been with my partner for 6 years, we have always spoken about how much we wanted a baby but It was never the right time - money issues, I was at uni etc. We started trying for a baby last year and I fell pregnant in December, I found out that I was pregnant when I was two months gone - he walked out on me, I let him back when I was 4 months and since this he has made my life a living hell, he constantly tells me how stupid I am, he will say he doesn't want our baby because he knows how much it will upset me, he shouts at me to give him money, He tells me that I will be a bad mother ( I know i'll be a bloody good mother but it still hurts {angry} ) refuses to talk to me for days on end and wont give me any reason why he is ignoring me, the other week I painted our bedroom and he laughed while he watched me moving the heavy furniture and when I had to climb up the ladders. He also never asks about how I feel or how the pregnancy is going, If I need something done he says he wont help me until I am 'nice' to him - I didn't realise that I wasn't being nice! He is being extremely emotionally abusive and I don't know why, yesterday I tried to talk to him and he stood up grabbed my face and pushed me out of the room and told me to get away from him. I think what he is trying to do is make it so that I throw him out, that way he will look better to his family and our friends when he says why we are not together and I will look like the bad one. His behaviour has become increasing more and more unreasonable, I have started not to go out because every time I leave the house he moans If I am gone more than an hour or so, we rent one of our rooms out to a really nice gay guy, my partner has told me that I am not even allowed to go into the garden because the lodger sits there! I know what I should do and that I should throw him out, I certainly don't need him, he doesn't support me financially or emotionally, I suppose that I am just feeling like I need him with me at the minute because I am 6 months pregnant. Does anyone have any much needed advice? Our relationship was fine before he found out I was pregnant.

OP posts:
NETTEYJC · 14/06/2010 13:04

Thanks for the concern Jux, haven't been on in a while, just feeling so so fed up and can't find the motivation to do anything. I went to the hospital, had everything checked out and she is fine, infact hasn't stopped moving about since! - Thank God! Partner still here, things improved slightly as the hospital told him that I can't have any stress, I know it will all blow up again soon as it always does, just hope he leaves the next time it happens.

OP posts:
NicknameTaken · 14/06/2010 13:11

I know it's hard, but I don't think you can wait around, hoping he'll leave. Why would he? He'll have to start all the hard work of breaking down another woman till he has her where he wants her.

Have you got some real-life support - family, friends? It's easier to make this change (kicking him out or leaving yourself) while you're pregnant rather than when you have a small baby.

Jux · 14/06/2010 22:11

He's having his cake and eating it. He's not going to make any changes when he doesn't have to. Everything is going his way, to your detriment.

Really, he's not going to leave of his own accord, really he isn't.

IsGraceAvailable · 15/06/2010 01:28

NETTEYJC, please ring Women's Aid again. Just for a chat.

Thank you for coming back to your thread - don't leave us!

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