Womans Aid

[Charlotteswebb]

Can someone tell me how Womans Aid work? Do you just chat to them on the phone?

yes phone them x

you phone them and they will ask you a few details and then they will ask you a few questions and help you from there. they are very nice and dont worry they really can help x

Thank you MrsD.I will phone them today.

i went through this myself a couple of years ago and although it was hard it was so worth it x do wanna email me? r u on fb?

No Im not on FB. I never in a million years thought I would be in this position. I feel so sad and scared but I know I can do this. Are you ok now Mrs D?I have to walk away from everthing and probably start with nothing until I set up but all I want is a little place with a garden where I can grow back into someone I once knew and look after my two beautiful babes.I van only write in moments when the spider isnt around but thank you so much for your replies.

my email addy is [email protected] i was mehdismummy on mn before

yes i am good now xx so can u b 2 i thought exactly thr same as you before xx

don't tell anyone but im Mamazon. if you do a search you will see that i have a lot of experience with this subject. you are welcome to email me.

Yes you give them a ring and talk through what is happening and what it is you want to do. If course they can organise a refuge place for you, though it is sometimes not possible to move you immediately. although if you are in absolute danger right now they will do their very best.

You may decide that rather than going to a refuge you want them to help you get your partner out of the house and keep you safe where you are.

they will discuss your options with you.

I hope you are ok and safe.

hi there babe, i hope you are safe and well. if you are in a refuge you will be, it is very tough at the begining and you will go through a range of emotions, just keeps strong babe and make sure that you see the council who deal with you asap, please do contact me or mamazon because mamazon was my saviour when i left h.. just look for us on the boards and we will always come to help x

Women's Aid are great - put their number in your mobile phone now. They are 24/7 so even if you have to grab the kids and run out of the house, they can help you. Knowing this made such a difference when I left my ex last year.

They have heard it all before, but never trivialise what you are experiencing. Also they tell it to you straight which is what is so invaluable. They were the ones who helped me see how at risk DD and I were.

My ex never hit me or even swore at me, but he was creepy and controlling in a chilling way. They were practical as well as supportive and that is what you need.

I've seen your threads and you sound as scared as I was. It's a horrible place to be. FWIW I didn't go to a refuge and had little face-to-face help from them, but knowing I could made me feel so much less alone.

Please call them.

Thank you Gigan, Mrs D and Queen.I have the place to myself today so am going to call them soon.I dont know what I will say,I have never been hit but it feels like it is getting close.It is so hard because after the anger dies down he is my husband and my best friend.When I talk to him about it he says,'I just said some things I shoudnt have thats all',this is marriage honey.But its not.I feel empty and frightened and alone.I also have nowhere to go so leave the house and wander around, sometimes looking for a hotel?I dont know if my friends here will understand.We are good people, have great jobs, a nice house but it is wrong,the words are killing me.

you are so clearly very scared and that is not just marriage.

I hope that WA are able to offer you some help and support. You aren't alone, you may not have anyone close to you but there will always be someone here, morning or night. you can talk to us and we will offer you every bit of support we can.

forgive me if i have misunderstood but you mention being so very isolated and your family being abroad? I am assuming you are
not British?

Please do contact WA. and if possible please let us know how you get on. we will only worry otherwise.

I know this is stupid but I cant bring myself to do it.Its a gorgoeus day and I am organising a bbq.
I am also thinking that I am not in need of help.What happens is crazy, he yells terrible things and then it all goes away.I feel bruised and belittled but also befuddled.
What worries me is that he threw something quite big the other day and threatened to hurt me but afterwards, he mentioned 'our big fight'.I wasnt talking at all,just trying to leave the room.
Am I being dramatic, do I have higher expectations than everyone else?
After a few days I feel normal again, we are a plain old family visiting muesuems and legoland and London, planning trips through Europe.I have two happy children..Am I making a mountain out a molehill.
I know this must be frustrating for the lovely ladies whose messages I have recieved but the support is so helpful.

I dont want to be a victim here either.I am a strong woman with lots of outside interests.
I have a job I really love and I can go out whenever I please. I am in charge of our accounts and can see/speak/socialise with whoever I want.
On days like today I wonder if I attract that spark somehow?

I know exacatly how u feel, when stuff happends u really wanna get help and leave ect..
But then it all dies down and it seems so small and little, i really dont no what to do either :?

Thanks Hai, its nice to know someone is in the same boat as me, without a paddle.

Hi Charlotte and Hai, I've been there. It's worth talking to Women's Aid just on the basis of your doubts. You're not setting in motion something that you won't be able to stop. WA won't come and forcibly evacuate you! You can just touch base with them now and then for a reality check.

I strongly recommend keeping a diary of these events. I found it very hard to remember the details of violent incidents afterwards - it just seemed to leak out of my head. Keep a diary so you can see if there are patterns. See how often things happen.

Do some reading - "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft is invariably recommended here, because it really is an eye-opener.

It is very, very common for abuse to get normalized and downplayed by the abuser. Charlotte, you don't have unusually high expectations to think it's out of order when someone throws something at you and threatens to hurt you. No, not a normal fight!

Keep a record, read, talk to WA. Gather information about your own lives. It's scary to acknowledge what's going on, but there comes a time when you have to accept your own knowledge.

Wow Nickname that is fantasic advice.I have to accept my own knowledge.And I do have knowledge.I have a degree in Literature so read everything.I have read the Lundy book before but have just re-ordered it.

Even knowing I have brought this book before, a long time ago should be enough 'knowledge' for me.

I think the hardest thing that I need to leap over is how he normalises it.It is very difficult to understand a situation if your best friend is telling you something different.He refuses to admit there is anything wrong.

I have always been a very trusting person and like to give everyone the acceptance of 'their point of view'.

I have also recently told a family member who basically said 'but he is wonderful', just talk to him, dont let it ruin your marriage'?

I do feel like once I make the call, there will be no going back?.

I have a t-shirt that reads like yours I am living in a flat with my children now and although it wasn't easy
if you could see the differences in us regardless of how hard he makes things you would see that it was worth it

Sometimes the emotional abuse can be as bad as physical and the effects can last longer

there's no harm in talking to them you dont have to take any action you dont want to but information is power

do what you have to, stay safe x

Yes, the normalisation is one of the hardest things. I really struggled with it. Seriously, at one point I was watching the Simpsons wondering - "Would Homer do this to Marge?" And no, I never saw Homer throwing anything at Marge. That's why people ask you what you would tell your daughter or your friend if she was experiencing this. And it's why WA help - they will give you a reality check. So will MN, mind you!

Thats the first laugh Ive had all day, thanks Nick.No, Homer wouldnt tell Marge she was f**n usless either.

No he wouldn't! Call it the Simpson Abuse test (TM). Anything that helps you look at the situation more objectively has to help.

Nickname, can I ask, was your DH suprised when you told him you were leaving?

I feel incredibly guilty for making all these secret plans. I am slowly putting things in motion, just in case.And it feels good but terrible at the same time.

First they "normalise" the stuff, later they convince you that it is your fault or that you caused the problem. Get advise now, it eats your confidence little by little.

Oh yes, I have gone over and over conversations we have had and tried to find the trigger.I have to think twice before I say anything but I get,

You think you are so powerful.
You think you are better than me.
You are evil.
You are the reason I get like this, YOU!
You have no idea how irritaing you are do you.

And it goes on..

I had a cup of coffee at my friends house the other day and she noticed my hands shaking and said, 'too much of this stuff' holding up her Cath Kidson mug.

I felt like bursting into tears.