I am so pleased you have spoken WA. I hope they have reasured you that what you are experiencing isn't normal. That you aren't over reacting and that its ok to want to escape.
the power of normalising behaviour is astounding.
I was punched, kicked, raped and abused daily and yet i told myself tht it wasn't DV. He would hold knives to my throat and still i couldn't see it as the scenes we see on the soaps. I couldn't contact WA or a refuge because this wasn't bad enough.
It wasn't domestic abuse, we just had a volatile relationship.
Even when it reached teh stage where he didnt even bother trying to be charming following an incident, still it didn't register as anything but normal.
It is a slippery slope. they start by just telling you you would lok better in the black rather than the red, that he prefers you in these shoes than those. then the constructive criticism, dont do it like that, do it this way. then the insults, but only because you make him so frustrated and angry. he doesnt want to speak to you like that but you make him.
He doesn't isolate you, you can go out whenever you like. He never stops you speaking to your friends. But he just happens to have someting planned for the day you need to go out, or he will need to use the phone just at the moment you call a pal, or he will feel very ill just as you are about to leave for a night out, or you will have managed to make him upset over something. or when you return he will be angry because of something. probably the fact that you must have been chatting yp other men or flaunting yourself.
It just becomes easier not to bother.
Then during an argument he will grab you. It worries you at first but you just shrug it off. he didn't hit you, he just tried to calm you down.
It happens with incresed frequency. one day during a row he will accidentaly slap you. he didn't mean to of course, he was gesturing and his hand caught you.
With every barrier broken it makes it easier for him to move on to the next. Abuse is fluid.
You don't even realise it is happening until it has already become normal.
My Barrister told me my case was one of the most horrific he had worked on. I was stunned. I hadn't put all of what had gone on into my statements. he only knew probably 60% of what went on and yet here he was telling me that my case was teh worst he'd had.
I had spent 7 years telling myself that it was ok. that it wasn't that bad.
I left when DD was 10 weeks old. I told myself that i wouldn't allow her to go through what Ds had had to see. It is something that kills me with guilt, that i could leave for her but not him.or myself.
Essentialy i know that it doesn't matter what the catalyst was, we are free from that now and have a great life.
It's almpost 6 years on and we have a lovely home, i have a new partner and both my DC are happy and healthy. Ds remember a great deal of what he witnessed but he is able to understand now that that is not ok behaviour. he is able to talk about it with me and i think he is doing really well.
We have spent the entire half term with friends and family, laughing and smiling and enjoying the sun. something that we simply wouldn't have been able to do back then.
Please continue to move forward. however well you think you are doing now, you are only ever going to reach part of your potential happiness whilst living with an abuser.