Well thats knocked the wind our of my sails - written out of father's will

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Am very very . Don't know what to do with my feelings.

Buda PIL are a law unto themselves and have given no reason! I have felt like asking but I know I would sound grabby which is not the case, I'm just upset for dh, particularly as they have always regarded him as second-best. They are odd, my ILs!

Bibbity - what was happening between you and stepmum that caused her to tell you this news? Were you arguing? Do you think she told you out of spite or in a fit of anger?

Do you have reason to question your father's mental competency?

Bibbety, Iam really sorry that this has happened to you. Not my field of law but pretty sure that this is legal in the UK. Go and see a local solicitor by all means, but think you're unlikely to get much joy. In certain jurisdictions - as others have mentioned - it's not possible to disinherit children (France and its napoleonic law for example). Different in England.

I'd suggest you actually talk to your father about this. Otherwise it is something you will feel bitter about for the rest of your life. It's a corker and very unpleasant - although I've heard worse ...

Good luck

What exactly were your SM's motives in sharing this information with you? It seems an incredibly insesitive time to be discussing your father's will with you. How did she bring this up with you?

I am a step-mother to one DSS and have two DDs with DH. DH's will currently leaves everything to me (with some items specifically left to the DC). We have discussed it at length and DH trusts me completely to do the right thing - which in both of our eyes is to split his 50% of our assets 3 ways between his DC and my 50% will be split 2 ways between our DDs. DSS is of course likely to inherit 100% of his mother's estate. I have also bequeathed a specific legacy for DSS as I love him to bits and want to make sure he is remembered in my will.

Step families make for complicated wills. I considered setting up a trust for our DDs to make sure that my 50% would be split just two ways should I die before DH. But then it dawned on me that trust goes both ways: DH trusts that I will do the right thing by his son and I trust that he will do the right thing by our daughters.

Bibbity, I hope your father recovers well and that you manage to resolve this with him.

I think she probably doesn't need to resolve anything with her father. He is probably making sure his wife is secure in her old when he passes on. he may well have an understanding with his wife like you
have with your DH, Rindercella, that you will both do the right thing by your step children.
Bibbitty's dad is unwell at the mo, it would be pity for this to be stewing in her head at this difficult time when there's every chance he is blissfully unaware of his wife's intentions.

This sounds like such a difficult situation and hard to resolve. It isn't fair, but is probably legal

It may be that on your father's death he can't give anything 'big' to your and your brother because it is too tied up on giving the estate generally to his wife. And of course you can't control what she does in her will (though you are right in saying that after 35 years you would think she'd appreciate you getting something eventually from your father). I would probably try not to make a fuss but ask if in that case, you can be left some small specific things, mementos, etc. Maybe not stuff that she would still need/want to use around the house (I read a will thread on another forum where someone wanted a breadmaker and couldn't understand why the widow in question still planned to use it), but if there's anything personal that would be special to you. Your dad could choose it.

I don't know if that would be easy to suggest or not and I get that it still wouldn't be fair, but as I've said it's a difficult situation :-/

I agree with compo.
bibbity, it's not pleasant, and I personally wish parents would not do this, but it really is your dad's money to do with as he likes.
He wants to leave it to his wife, who probably has looked after him quite well over the years-cutting his nose hairs, making his favourite dinner and what have you.
It doesn't mean he doesn't love you I'm sure. He's just insensitive.
Anyway, in my experience people who get left more of the inheritence have 'earned' it one way or another because they've had to put up with a lot of shit that the disinherited one got away with.

I have been disinherited, in case your wondering.
One of my lovely brothers offered to give me half of his share, but I told him no way. He has to put up with my parents' bullshit until they die, not me.

Wilf, if you are an executor, I believe you can not be a beneficiary? Is this right?

No backtotalkaboutthis if you are an executor you CAN be a beneficiary.

It's: if you are a witness, you can't be a beneficiary.

It is awful & I may be wrong-but what your father can´t do is will to your stepmum on the proviso that she then wills a fifth each to his children.

Perhaps he should leave the house jointly though?

That said, stepmum has proably old him that since you & your brotherill inherit from your mum then you don´t need to inherit rom Dad as well.

My mum was left out of her mums will as he was married & had a house.

Bar jewellry & some money, it all went to mums brother.

Mum´s Dad had remarried so is new family got everything.

So effectively my Mum got nothing from either parent.

If possible have a word with your dad re the house.

If not-try to let it go before it eats away at you.

Could she be manipulating you into talking to your dad about something you wouldnt normally think of? Is she trying to either make you look bad or make your dad, (who might be feeling low), angry with you, and then disinherit you? Watch your step. I like the above posters ideas of asking for a momento. She expressed it very well.

I agree ALdred. I don't think the step-mother is a nice person, but if she's trying to sow seeds of nastiness between the OP and the father, they can only take root in fertile soil. So if the OP plays along and is outraged (as is the natural reaction) it just looks as though she's more concerned about the money than her father.
I know this isn't true, but the step-mother is sowing little seeds of doubt in the minds of the father and the daughter.
bibitty, you mustn't play along with it. And really, it is your fathers money to do with as he likes.