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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

confused about sex

93 replies

OneFucker2Many · 29/05/2010 22:12

i have been with dp for 5 yrs now and we have 3dc. we have our ups and downs but one thing at the minute is really confusing me and i cant tell anyone in rl.

sometimes if he tries to initiate sex and i am tired etc i will pleasure him but decline the sex. sorry if tmi. anyway recently i have been asleep to be woken up with us actually having sex. its really confusing me as i would have previously said no already but not that time as i was asleep. sorry to ramble.

is this normal any1 else experienced it?

OP posts:

ameliameerkat · 29/05/2010 22:27

Ooh, that's not good (understatement). What on earth makes him think it's ok to have sex with you when you're not conscious! Have you confronted him about this?

Original poster

OneFucker2Many · 29/05/2010 22:29

no have not confronted him, just dont really mention it and neither does he, although he once asked me if i had remembered.

OP posts:

weegiemum · 29/05/2010 22:31

That's rape, IMO.

Sex without consent.

If he likes that, you have a huge problem.

take care.

funnysinthegarden · 29/05/2010 22:31

too weird, tis rape, non?

PigeonsInFlight · 29/05/2010 22:33

yep it's rape. v dodgy. why on earth didn't you say anything?

WingsTHEangel · 29/05/2010 22:33

He asked if you remembered What did you say ?
This is not good for your relationship.

grapeandlemon · 29/05/2010 22:35

How could he do that? That is non consensual sex

cosysocks · 29/05/2010 22:37

I have a friend whose told me other week her partner does this to her, I was horrified as in my book it's rape.

Original poster

OneFucker2Many · 29/05/2010 22:40

i was worried that people would think this. is it rape though if he is my dp and i dont actually say no

OP posts:

ameliameerkat · 29/05/2010 22:41

If you don't consent, then it's rape. Doesn't matter who it is, dp or otherwise.

piratecat · 29/05/2010 22:41

oh come on, it' not consenting is it, you are asleep ffs. sorry but i am so and at this op.

how dare he do that to you.

funnysinthegarden · 29/05/2010 22:43

I would die a thousand deaths if I thought for one minute that my DH had been shagging me in my sleep. Tis awful

WingsTHEangel · 29/05/2010 22:45

You can't say no, your asleep.
I have been with my dh for 15yrs and this has never happened to me. I wouldn't say it was healthy for your relationship.

FiaGrace · 29/05/2010 22:48

I had an ex partner who did this once (I didn't give him an opportunity to ever try it a second time).

I was woken up by him attempting to enter me. I stopped him immediately and got out of bed. He couldn't understand what was wrong with it and thought I'd enjoy waking up with him inside me!.

He said that it was 'normal' and his 'right' ie if he woke up before me and was hard, he felt that it was only normal to deal with that and enter me whether I was asleep or not. Twat.

It isn't normal, it isn't right and if you don't or aren't able to consent then surely it is rape.

lazarusb · 29/05/2010 22:55

Ok, marital rape (in any relationship) is illegal (since 1992).Do not put up with it, how far will it go if you do? Not taking no for an answer when you are conscious? This isn't acceptable and if you don't like it he should not be doing it at all, it's not acceptable.

Original poster

OneFucker2Many · 29/05/2010 23:09

yes i get that its wrong just rape is such a strong word. i sometimes wake in the mornings with terrible depression and can not motivate myself. am not sure what to do about it?

OP posts:

beanlet · 29/05/2010 23:12

Yep, my ex did that to me once, a few hours after I had explicitly turned him down. It was the last time we ever had sex.

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 29/05/2010 23:15

I agree that's rape and totally unacceptable - but why are you changing the subject?

ameliameerkat · 29/05/2010 23:17

Well, you need to speak to him and if he has a 'oh shit! ' reaction then maybe he didn't entirely realise it was wrong. If he's like 'yeh, and?' or 'it's my right' then you have a major issue.........

Original poster

OneFucker2Many · 29/05/2010 23:18

ourlady not trying to piss anyone off sorry just in a bad place atm

OP posts:

PortiaNovmerriment · 29/05/2010 23:26

I don't think it's rape unless it really pisses you off, because some couples don't mind this. But if he is only doing it because he knows you would otherwise say no, then yes, it's rape. It's certainly not very frickin respectful. Some people don't mind, as I say, but generally they have discussed their feelings about it first.

grapeandlemon · 29/05/2010 23:26

You poor thing, of course you must be depressed, this must be grinding you down.

Please let it out on here, whatever is going on there will be Women who can help you here.

Original poster

OneFucker2Many · 29/05/2010 23:35

thankyou grape just i seem to be in a daze alot lately. cant cope a lot atm. this has been playing on my mind

OP posts:

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 29/05/2010 23:37

Please don't apologise - I'm not pissed off at all was just confused about that post - but I'd guess a lot more than this is going on and you have reason to be depressed.

Original poster

OneFucker2Many · 29/05/2010 23:37

the thing is how can i bring it up?? dont want to piss him off. sorry if im sounding like a doormat now

OP posts:

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