what about sisterhood?

[babehunmug]

Hi I'm fairly new here. I posted something about my DH and his OW and was surprised at a couple of replies that seemed to be saying its all DH's fault and that OW has not committed to me so don't blame her.

Now that has surprised me cos I believe in the sisterhood and have always steered well clear of married men or men that I know already have a partner. Why? because life is difficult enough without making it worse for a fellow(?)-woman. Before this OW appeared I always thought I wouldn't like this to happen to me so I'm not ever going to facilitate it for a man who might be tempted to cheat and cause pain and suffering to his wife/partner and children and all the other people that get hurt in the process.

Is there no more sisterhood?

I would think he was insane to be honest.

I cant imagine that a man would leave his wife for someone who hes not had any sort of relationship with and especially if the ow has never given him any signs.

What if you were just close friends?

I suppose that might involve signals though.
Would signals make you a hate-deserving OW? Probably.

No one goes from close freinds to talk about leaving their wives without any discussion, theyd look like a berk for one thing. Im not sure what you mean about signals making you a hate deserving ow.

Sorry...I suppose it's just hypothetical, but I guess there are occasiona when a marriage will fail and a new relationship might work better.

What is the right way to go about this, without making anyone angry? That's what I was wondering. Maybe there is no way to.

Of course marriages fail, and the couple in question know this and decide to part. It's very sad, especially when there are children involved, but in these situations usually there is an amicable break, good custody arrangements and each person is free to persue the life they want, within the limits and boundaries that having children in two involve.

But this isn't a discussion on those arrangements, and they do happen. It's a discussion on whether the OW is a culpable as the husband. I think the OP is right. Women should stay clear of married men. It really is that simple. The hurt and anger caused not only to the wife but also the children is immense and takes years to heal, if ever.

The OW may not have a 'contract' whatever that means, but her actions are as devastating to the family as that of the husband/father. How two people can continue in a relationship when they leave devastation in the wake of it, is beyond me.

I would be very reluctant to get involved with anyone who is not yet divorced. I wouldnt want to get caught up in the drama of a divorce , nor would i want to be a rebound or a free counseller.

I think it takes time to get over a marriage breakdown , im wary of spouses who leap from their marriage into a new relationship without much time inbetween.

dignified of course I'd prefer to have a relationship that wasn't an affair. I didn't plan to fall in love with this man and believe me I'd rather I hadn't. It's the first time I've been in a relationship that I know isn't going anywhere. What can I say except that I (we) accept it for what it is and enjoy it anyway. He might visit me for sex (as well as fun and general escapism) but I invite him to visit for exactly the same reasons.

I still insist I'm not a threat to his wife. Best case scenario: our relationship continues to its natural conclusion and meanwhile he is on the whole happier with life because of the mutual fulfilment we share. Nobody at his home ever finds out. The worst case scenario is pretty much unforeseeable, it's too hard to explain without being indiscreet about identities but it would honestly take a total miracle for her to find out.

Why the repeated queries about STDs? Am I missing something, is extra-marital sex supposed to be unprotected or something?

The only way to do it remotely decently would be for the MM (not mine - I'm speaking hypothetically) to end his marriage first and come to terms with that before pursuing any kind of new relationship. Even if he's already met someone new, he'd have to put that to one side, I think, and see how he really felt about leaving his wife and possibly kids without the confusion of a third party.

This isn't really practical though is it, because not many OWs will accept a guy saying, "I'm going to call you in a year, unless I decide to stay with the missus."

A total miracle could come in the form of a private detective costing just a few hundred quid . I really feel sorry for the wife whos being taken for a complete mug. Hopefully shell realise whats going on and kick his lying arse out.

I find it really hard to believe that somone can justify such behaviour with 'she will never find out'. How about theft? Is that ok if you are not caught?

This man is a cheat and he repeatedly cheats. I would like to say, don't you think you are worth more? Sadly, you appear to be well suited.

I think if people feel they have a right to sleep with someone elses husband they will find various ways to justify it. I cant imagine you trying to justify this to his wife endup, i dont think she,ll accept the fact you both never thought youd get caught as a reason to leap into bed with her husband..

End
what i think makes me and many others so angry is you appear to sound superior to the wife.
Why do you think she could not 'handle' the affair if it is as you say 'helping' the marriage???

Its the kind of 'you know him better' than the wife - well you must do there is a part of his character that only you know.

Actually its not the going off and having sex with someone else - there are positutes for that after all. It is the lies you are 'allowing' him to tell his wife and family.
You know him for the nasty piece of work he is - and yet you are 'happy' with that.

That secret alone makes you feel 'special' - all out in the open you probably wouldnt stand a chance against his wife and family.
His actions of 'protecting' his wife have already showed you that.

Not all STD's are protected by condoms - but as you know he has a past you will be used to making sure you are fully protected - pity his wife may not be so lucky - but then that is not your responsibilty.
But you love a man who could be putting another person at risk - lovely.