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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Publish and be damned?

70 replies

babehunmug · 27/05/2010 18:14

Hi - newbie on here. I'm thinking about writing a blog or facebook page about cheating DH. I've got photos of OW that her friends (I know who they are from her FB page)and family would be shocked to see and know that my DH took them. His work mates/boss would also be shocked about the dates and times - when he was supposed to be working.

DH and OW have caused me great pain and I want to show her friends and family what a slut she is.

Am I going too far? Should I rise above it?

Have you ever gone for revenge?

Thanks

OP posts:
midnightexpress · 27/05/2010 18:15

Yes, you should rise above it.

TheFatOwlOfTheRemove · 27/05/2010 18:15

Yes it is going too far and you should rise above it

you will only make yourself look childish and vengeful

so sorry you have been treated badly though

StewieGriffinsMom · 27/05/2010 18:16

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whoingodsnameami · 27/05/2010 18:17

Yes, rise above it, karma will do a much better job than you could, keep your head held high girl, let him see you happy and content as soon as you can, that will kill him.

Original poster
babehunmug · 27/05/2010 18:18

Is it libel if its true?

What is criminal about it?

OP posts:
whoingodsnameami · 27/05/2010 18:20

Even if it's true, unfortunately it is still slander, seriously dont do it, or it could be them having the last laugh.

Original poster
babehunmug · 27/05/2010 18:21

whoingods...
thanks - 99% of the time my head is high, I've dropped a dress size, new clothes, new activities, new friends and he is looking sick - it will be bad enough for him when he tells his mother.

Karma - you are right.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 27/05/2010 18:22

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secunda · 27/05/2010 18:23

You would almost certainly be prosecuted. It would be difficult to prove that it's true. Do NOT get yourself into this legal minefield or start what you can't finish. His friends will in any case almost certainly think that you are the psycho ex, so you will gain nothing from it except possibly make people think you are mentally unstable

secunda · 27/05/2010 18:24

Speaking from a friend's recent experience, if goes to court you could be liable for court costs going into the thousands. It's not worth it

whoingodsnameami · 27/05/2010 18:24

babehummug, I felt like you do once, but I decided to play by the rules and be the good guy through the whole sticky mess, karma did get him and he is now currently homeless............again.

Original poster
babehunmug · 27/05/2010 18:25

stewie...

I wouldn't have said 'slut' in the blog - all I was going to do was post the photos with the times and dates and that DH took them - no names no pack drill.

If her friends saw the photos they would think she is a 'slut'

OP posts:
MagalyZz · 27/05/2010 18:27

I think her friends and family will always side with her. I know of a lovely girl who is going out with a mm and I don't know why she is doing it, but it doesn't make me hate her! as there is more to her than just that one piece of appalling judgment.

All you can do is just sever communication with his mother, and his friends.... you know longer HAVE to care what these people think. Take it from somebody who has an Xmil and xBsIL

StewieGriffinsMom · 27/05/2010 18:27

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whoingodsnameami · 27/05/2010 18:27

But her friends probably would'nt think that, peole are generally biast towards what their friends get up to, and his friends, well, they would probably pat him on the back, the best thing you can do is nothing.

nancydrewrocks · 27/05/2010 18:28

It is not a criminal offence to commit slander (spoken word) or libel (written word). It is a civil matter and is not punishable with community service.

That being said it may be deemed to be a public order or harrasment offence. That aside you will come out of it looking stupid and she will get sympathy.

Sorry you have been treated badly but rise above it.

Original poster
babehunmug · 27/05/2010 18:29

stewie....

how do the stalking laws come into it?

OP posts:
MagalyZz · 27/05/2010 18:30

Yes, as tempting as it is OP, don't give him any grounds to say 'see what I had to put up with?'. Men will often try and rationalise their behaviour by demonising the woman they're with. So treating her really badly isn't as 'bad' as treating a nice woman badly. Dont give him the opportunity to present this version of events to his family and friends.

It takes a while to see it but if you bump into his friends and family best thing you can do is baffle them by shrugging and saying ah well onwards and upwards, tbh, I wasn't really happy wiht him either! time for change. Lovely weather!

secunda · 27/05/2010 18:30

Civil cases still go to court, and can be frigging expensive. His friends will think he is a lad and pat him on the back. Her friends will support her. His mother will ultimately support her bubba. You'll gain nothing except looking silly

Original poster
babehunmug · 27/05/2010 18:32

MagalyZz...

I hope your friend who is seeing the MM realises what she is doing before its too late...

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 27/05/2010 18:33

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nancydrewrocks · 27/05/2010 18:34

Yes of course civil cases go to court but since they are not funded by legal aid the wronged parties (e.g ex p) would be paying privately: 5 figures, quite possibly 6. The police have no involvement whatsoever and criminal punishments do not apply.

Original poster
babehunmug · 27/05/2010 18:35

secunda...

his mother thinks the world of me and I of her

sad I won't be able to stay in contact with her

OP posts:
secunda · 27/05/2010 18:35

Civil cases can be funded by legal aid, but it's hard to get. If you are in the wrong you end up paying for it.

nancydrewrocks · 27/05/2010 18:36

SGM well yes that would get you charged with harrassment even if what you said was totally true!

OP walk away from it.