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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Publish and be damned?

70 replies

babehunmug · 27/05/2010 18:14

Hi - newbie on here. I'm thinking about writing a blog or facebook page about cheating DH. I've got photos of OW that her friends (I know who they are from her FB page)and family would be shocked to see and know that my DH took them. His work mates/boss would also be shocked about the dates and times - when he was supposed to be working.

DH and OW have caused me great pain and I want to show her friends and family what a slut she is.

Am I going too far? Should I rise above it?

Have you ever gone for revenge?

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
babehunmug · 27/05/2010 18:36

stewie....

I haven't been following her and taking photos - good grief

they are photos my DH took of her

OP posts:
Original poster
babehunmug · 27/05/2010 18:39

stewie...
please read my first post carefully I think u missed a few things...

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 27/05/2010 18:40

It's a crazy idea. Always amazes me when women want to blame the OW anyway. Your husband was the one who made a commitment to you in marriage.

If you're feeling this angry it might be a good idea to consider counselling so you can deal with things more positively and move on, especially if you have children.

KittyTwoShoes · 27/05/2010 18:40

Oh, please don't do it. It will give them the upper hand. I mean, she deserves it, I'm sure, but the best revenge is living well. Don't sink down to that level, you'll end up regretting it and it won't be worth it.

Squitten · 27/05/2010 18:41

Why on EARTH would you want to waste more of your time and energy on these hideous people?

It's not healthy, move on

Original poster
babehunmug · 27/05/2010 18:42

ladyl...

I am seeing a therapist

She came on to him and continued to chase him....

yes he is to blame as well

have you been in this situation yourself???

OP posts:
sungirltan · 27/05/2010 18:43

have a look at dontdatehimgirl.com - might be just the thing x

nancydrewrocks · 27/05/2010 18:43

Babehunmug very briefly a harrassment offence is made out of you have behaved on two or more occassions in a way in which would distress another party and you knew the course of conduct would do so(you would be deemed to have the requisite knwledge if a reasonable person would be aware)

Posting pictures of you exp and OW on the internet and contacting people so they were aware of them would fall very neatly within this definition.

Please don't do it.

Original poster
babehunmug · 27/05/2010 18:44

thanks for the supportive messages...

I know I have to rise above - just having a bad day....

tomorrow will be good..

OP posts:
secunda · 27/05/2010 18:44

"She came on to him and continued to chase him...."

Is that what he said? It's what they all say. Men come onto me (sometimes) but I don't bang them because I've committed. I think your anger to the OW (it's understandable obviously) is taking over because it's easier to believe that a stranger 'stole' your husband rather than face the fact that her preferred her to you (probably misguided) and that's why he did it. You can do better!

SanctiMoanyArse · 27/05/2010 18:49

It's wrong

OK so you want tp punish OW (pesonally I would be more angry at H but anyway..) what on earth gives you the right to punish her friends and family?

Becuase you would be doing so

Imagine if you were sent such a pic of your child / sibling

Unacceptable

Sorry you're hurt- surely it's time to be glad that the bastard has gone rather than bring more epople into it?

ANTagony · 27/05/2010 19:06

Are you hoping to get or getting maintenance and/ or a settlement of your DH?

If so him loosing his job wont help you out especially if you've been instrumental in it.

Keep your cards close to your chest. Knowledge is power and you can only use it to its full strength if you keep it to yourself for when its most appropriate.

Separation is messy and its worth not doing anything in haste which could cause you more agro. Just plot out the fantasies and run through what you'd like to do. I used to write long emails and then save them till the next day - gets it all of your chest and then you can decide whether or not its rational.

Regarding your MIL. My ex cheated and she still comes to stay with FIL with me my boys and now new DH as well. We just agree not to discuss him. Oh and apparently they're my outlaws now.

Congrats on dropping a dress size and getting on with life. Don't let any bad feeling start to take over the good you're creating for yourself

madonnawhore · 27/05/2010 19:15

Libel is a civil tort so she could sue you if she had the cash. Even if it's true, unless you're a journalist and have the defence of Fair Comment, you could still find yourself on the receiving end of a damages judgment (although I reckon you'd have a fair crack if it ever did get to court, but I prob shouldn't say that!).

Obviously the right advice is to rise above it and not give any more time or energy to this woman. You have to also consider what she might do in retaliation. If she's even slightly unhinged you could be opening a big can of mad worms.

Having said that, if you did pull it off, I smell a book deal...

(but don't listen to me).

RunawayWife · 27/05/2010 19:34

I would do it but I am a bitch.
Rise above it

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 27/05/2010 19:38

I think that if you did it, you would look back in five years and be mortified. Much better to keep your dignity, and your spot on the moral high ground.

NewLeaseofLife · 27/05/2010 19:40

I havent read the other post, just your first one. I was far to nice to OW and DH... Now I wish I had just lumped her one to be honest.

The sensible thing to do is rise above it blah blah blah and I am sure you will feel better in the long run if you do this...

However...

Name and shame te pair of them, let everyone know their true colors and then have a nice glass of wine and delete the page.

whomovedmychocolate · 27/05/2010 19:40

Actually you'd probably find your ISP took a very dim view of this as well. Don't do it.

By all means call his mum and her mum and tell them but don't publish it.

Hodie · 27/05/2010 19:55

Publish and be damned - I would. Knickers to the consequences.

WingedVictory · 27/05/2010 19:59

You haven't mentioned divorce, but presumably, from your tone of voice, you are planning to split. This is far better material for the divorce courts.

No reason you can't invite friends round to look at the pics on your computer, get drunk and have a good time discussing what a pair of twats they are. That sort of release for your feelings won't hurt you legally.

Original poster
babehunmug · 27/05/2010 19:59

Hodie..
You'll get me into trouble.
I'm over it now - just needed to see sense.
My new life is going to be the best.
x

OP posts:
Original poster
babehunmug · 27/05/2010 20:01

WingedVictory...
Divorce yes but not going for adultery.
thanks

OP posts:
WingedVictory · 27/05/2010 21:00

The material doesn't have to be brought up in the court papers, just used to bring soon-to-be-XH to the table in an amenable frame of mind!

Good luck, and have a nice evening!

ItsGraceAgain · 27/05/2010 21:12

I say do it. As an admirer of the Bad Boyfriend Club, I am launching my own version (which won't be as much fun, but hopefully do the trick anyway.)

As far as I can tell, if you stick to facts and/or your own point of view - without making any unsupportable accusations - they can hate it but they can't stop it. Fine by me!

I've never understood why people don't contact their partners' exes more often, when they start to get serious (mind you, my ex's exes lied). If your successors can find your 'reference' for him on the web, that should save them an embarrassing phone call anyhow

MagalyZz · 27/05/2010 23:13

babiehunmug, the price this girl will pay for her affair with a mm is not having children. That is what I predict. So she will pay a huge price for this.... IMO.

It's sad that feel like you are losing a relationship with his mother too. Obviously it's really hard because you just want to trash him! and she can't listen to that..

I wish I'd known about that website way back in 1999. That was when I was so hurt I was nearly insane.

MagalyZz · 27/05/2010 23:17

"My new life is going to be the best."

I think when you're recently devasted (for whatever reason) you think that being single is going to be horrendously painful for ever, but it won't be. It's the brutal adjustment to new truths that is like lemon juice in a wound. But you know what, you probably will have a better life without him when you get over him.. It'd be nice to be able to prss the fast forward button and skip through the 'getting over it part' and the 'letting it go' part....

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