Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think i have a crush on another woman

71 replies

tiredntetchy · 23/05/2010 19:26

God i feel like im embarking on an affair by writing this down. Eek!

I am in my mid 30's married with 3 kids all under 6. I love my husband and we are happy and have a good relationship.

Recently i have become quite friendly with a woman i know who works at a place i visit a couple of times a week. She is always friendly to me and i have always liked her but recently for some weird reason i can't get her out my head. I really admire her and alto i don't think she is a particularly 'pretty' woman, infact she is quite tom boyish in a way, i find i am quite drawn to her. Even to the point of wanting to have physical comtact with her. Not even so much in a sexual way but definitely in a sensual way.

I am quite aware that i have the potential to be bi sexual as i have had a relationship with a woman of sorts before. But this is different. I really feel like i have a crush on her. i didn't feel like that with my previous female friend, we were just best friends who were intimate at times. With this woman just now i can't get her out my head. I know it is bad as i feel guilty for feeling like this but then i want to laugh because i feel its ridiculous as she is a woman, i have no idea if she is hetrosexual or what and i don't actually want to rip her clothes off or anything, but i do want to be around her and i would like to be physical with her but more in a i'd like to embrace her kinda way.

Oh my god have i just lost it altogether? Thing is she is quite a spiritual person and i almost feel she has put a spell on me!! Cant believe im writing this, i think i might actually have lost it!!

Help!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredntetchy · 23/05/2010 19:52

No one? Oh my god does it just seem too ridiculous to be serious??!!

OP posts:
Maveta · 23/05/2010 19:57

Of course it isn´t ridiculous, you are attracted to her but also say you are happily married so you should probably put it in perspective as the crush it is and not let yourself get carried away.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 23/05/2010 20:00

It isn't ridiculous. It is your feelings . Treat it like this was a bloke and be careful. You can have admiration for someone, it doesn't have to be about sex.

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 23/05/2010 20:00

No it doesn't seem too ridiculous! I think it's perfectly possible to have crushes on other men AND women, and like other crushes it will probably pass. Sometimes you meet people who you just connect with, either because they are drop dead gorgeous, or have an energy about them, or who you just have tons in common with - there's a kind of spark, iykwim? Just because you're married doesn't mean you're dead from the neck down, and just because you're heterosexual doesn't mean you can't find other women attractive or admire them.

Theantsgomarching · 23/05/2010 20:00

Can't really help, don't think it is unusual to have crushes etc although I've never even kissed another woman I've been there, but think if you just want to be close etc and its not overtly sexual then perhaps there is something about this woman that you really admire - a quality that you would like to have if that makes sense? and thats why you are thinking of her,,

EricNorthmansmistress · 23/05/2010 20:07

I got a crush on a colleague she's just very cool and funny and great company, and she's gay so it threw a frisson into the mix it surfaces every time I see her (she's left my office) every 6 months or so, and it's a bit of a laugh. I'm not saying that if I was drunk and she was single I wouldn't be tempted to snog her, which I would be more likely to do than a bloke I had a crush on (DH doesn't have an issue with me snogging women should the occasion arise ) but it doesn't cause me angst. It's just a crush and doesn't mean I'm gay or even bi, or want to leave DH for her.

Original poster
tiredntetchy · 23/05/2010 20:10

'perhaps there is something about this woman that you really admire'

There is, won't go into it for fear of being outed but for talking sake lets just say i have always wanted to be a singer and she has the most amazing voice.

As i say, i don't daydream about getting down to hot and steamy lesbian sex with this girl but i know it is more than just wanting to be her friend and liking her. I have lots of good friends, and a few close girl friends that i get on really well with, can laugh and cry with but this is much different. Like i know it is odd because i wonder how she smells, you know her clothes, her neck, god can't believe im writing this, makes me want to reach for the lithium!!

Ive flipped its official!!

OP posts:
AtlantisLegoDuplicates · 23/05/2010 20:14

I have had a few crushes on other birds.

sometimes they last a while and then fade off and I wondered what on earth I was thinking - when they turn out not to be so nice, I mean.

which is a shame.

I like someone atm who is a close friend, but I don't yet feel those sexual type things towards her. It's just she is someone I find is rather special and fits into my mind in a way that says 'this one is something else' iyswim.

I doubt it will progress anyway, but it is always nice to feel that intimacy and ease of being with another person, male or female.

SmellsLikeTeenSweat · 23/05/2010 20:15

It's happened to me before too . My advice is to distance yourself from her for a bit.

As you say, it's a crush. We all know what happens to crushes - they flare up, and die down. Focus on your lovely DH, and your 'feelings' for this woman will eventually fade into the background.

Theantsgomarching · 23/05/2010 20:18

I know this is totally not about me but that is the first time anyone has ever quoted me on MN

Original poster
tiredntetchy · 23/05/2010 20:20

'DH doesn't have an issue with me snogging women should the occasion arise'

Hee hee this made me laugh so much. Wish my husband was like that and then i wouldn't feel so guilty!!

OP posts:
EricNorthmansmistress · 23/05/2010 21:00

Teehehe it's not like it ever actually does arise...altho have snogged my best friend a few times when drunk (who knows why) but it's one of his 'things'...but then he knows I'm straight so it's not a threat really. I think the condition would be that i told him all about it though

Andy1964 · 24/05/2010 16:42

I am a man and have NO useful comment.

BTW, this thread is useless without pictures

MortaIWombat · 24/05/2010 16:51

Sod off back to the dvd forums, Andy.

Oh, and don't worry op; entirely normal.

AtlantisLegoDuplicates · 24/05/2010 16:57

LOL at Andy sorry

Treese · 19/03/2013 19:54

Hi tiredntetchy

Thank God I'm not the only one loosing the plot. Your situation mirrors mine so closely. I'm 40, married with 2 kids and a life I love. Another woman who is also married came into my life about 1 year ago. We've grown closer and become great friends but my feelings for her are spiralling into something more and I get the vibes that she feels the same way too. We have only socialised in a group with others before. Tomorrow night however we are having a night out together. I feel like a teenager on a first date- it makes no sense.
This crush is out of control! I can't get her out of my head, I'm fantasising about touching, kissing and being intimate with her.
She is 8 years older than me and I can only rationalise my feelings by thinking that the reason I'm so drawn to her is perhaps an admiration of her as someone who is very talented, who I inspire to be like( rather than jealous of)
Does this make any sense?? Am I bisexual or jut bicurious?
Any advise welcome.

Tamdin · 19/03/2013 22:28

Tired and tetchy. Do you live in N.I????

Lucylloyd13 · 20/03/2013 10:42

Firstly. relax. Being married does not mean that we will not fancy other men, and women, at some point in our lives. There is no "off switch" on attraction! The key is what we do about it.

If your marriage is satisfactory write down the plussses and minusses of this woman, your marriage will win. We all sometimes fancy something we should not.

Finally celbrate both the joys of personal attraction- and the benefits of a stable marriage.

Spiritedwolf · 20/03/2013 11:54

If it's a 'I want to be her' rather than 'I want to be with her' thing... what about getting yourself some singing lessons? I'm not being flippant, I'm wondering if she's appealling because she represents something you want in your own life.

AnisotropicWeetabixFTW · 20/03/2013 12:00

Treese, this thread is nearly 3yrs old. Why not start a new one?

CaoNiMa · 20/03/2013 12:04

OP, there's a really good thread in Relationships called "Turning Tavern" - I think its in its fourth or fifth incarnation now. It helped me a lot last year when I was in a similar situation to yours.

outtaleftfield · 01/04/2013 18:57

Hi Treese,

How did your drink go? I have been in a really similar situation too.

Blowin · 01/04/2013 22:03

zombie thread

outtaleftfield · 01/04/2013 22:46

Hi Blowin The beginning of this thread is old. I am replying to a post dated 19th March, so put on only a couple of weeks ago. New to this so don't know MN etiquette.

treestump · 19/08/2020 10:03

I found this thread so interesting..I know its been years so Im dying to know how you're all getting on and how everything has panned out 🤔

Swipe left for the next trending thread