I think i have a crush on another woman

[tiredntetchy]

God i feel like im embarking on an affair by writing this down. Eek!

I am in my mid 30's married with 3 kids all under 6. I love my husband and we are happy and have a good relationship.

Recently i have become quite friendly with a woman i know who works at a place i visit a couple of times a week. She is always friendly to me and i have always liked her but recently for some weird reason i can't get her out my head. I really admire her and alto i don't think she is a particularly 'pretty' woman, infact she is quite tom boyish in a way, i find i am quite drawn to her. Even to the point of wanting to have physical comtact with her. Not even so much in a sexual way but definitely in a sensual way.

I am quite aware that i have the potential to be bi sexual as i have had a relationship with a woman of sorts before. But this is different. I really feel like i have a crush on her. i didn't feel like that with my previous female friend, we were just best friends who were intimate at times. With this woman just now i can't get her out my head. I know it is bad as i feel guilty for feeling like this but then i want to laugh because i feel its ridiculous as she is a woman, i have no idea if she is hetrosexual or what and i don't actually want to rip her clothes off or anything, but i do want to be around her and i would like to be physical with her but more in a i'd like to embrace her kinda way.

Oh my god have i just lost it altogether? Thing is she is quite a spiritual person and i almost feel she has put a spell on me!! Cant believe im writing this, i think i might actually have lost it!!

Help!!!

[Greydove28]

Yeah lets have an update op!

[Teenagain]

Hi This was 10 yrs ago, but it sounds just like my situation now & I don’t see anything current on the chats. How are u now? Are you with your husband? Or a woman? It might not b relevant any more for u, but would love to chat with someone in the same shoes! Maybe I can learn something from someone who’s gone through the same or just talk & make me feel I’m not on my own with this!

[KirstyHasLeft]

@Teenagain, @Navybluesoul - you are deffo not on your own :) Maybe a new thread would be a great idea!

[Teenagain]

OK I dunno how to start a new thread but feel free anyone or chat on this one. What’s your story?

[KirstyHasLeft]

I have been posting here quite a lot a year ago.
Had an insane crush on a straight woman. Ended up divorcing my husband and coming out as gay. I am still single though :D I think I have finally managed to get over that woman. Just about... It has been an absolutely mental year for me!

[Teenagain]

I went through something similar. (2 years of hell) Except I haven’t divorced my husband. There is nothing intimate between us, hasn’t been for a long time, but still function somehow as a family. I’ll have to tell him at some point but as I have “nothing” to tell I don’t want to ruin my marriage & break up my family just because I realised I fancy women. You never know he might even b OK with it...
It never occured to me b4 that married mums can fancy/fall for each other, but I’m starting to think there are many women out there in the same shoes just no one talks about it!

[KirstyHasLeft]

@Teenagain - I also had 2 years of hell. It's damn hard - I ended up having anxiety attacks and depression. The constant paranoia of 'does she know? is it obvious? am I a creep? what's going on?!' - it's not easy..

My exH read my posts here, and that is how our marriage ended. I don't regret it though - divorce was the best thing that could happen. Not the easiest, for sure, but the right thing.
It started with me falling for a teacher in my kids' school. And then I looked back at my life and realised that I always had crushes on women. But I was raised so straight that I never even realised I might not be straight.
Apparently, it is quite common. I had no idea until it happened to me,

[Teenagain]

I think I read your post about the teacher & made me think gosh there are mums out there just like me! I had depression as well (I’m pretty sure) & just coming out of it now although I’m in danger of doing the same thing again! 😳 I really like someone I can’t have again...more cautious this time & know myself a bit more but still don’t see the fairytale ending...& I don’t want my husband to find out from these posts! 😳 I want to tell him...but it yet is there another way we can chat?

[Teenagain]

Typo: but not yet

[KirstyHasLeft]

@Teenagain :) Does your husband know you are on MN? Does he know your username?
Mine didn't - he just felt something was off and snooped on my browsing history...

[Teenagain]

No I don’t think he even knows mumsnet exists but I get an Email when a message arrives & although he’d b unlikely to click on it, if he did, he’d go straight into this... but I dunno how to message outside of here. Short of giving “everyone” my contact details which is prob not the best idea..

[Teenagain]

Why was it only a brief moment? Because of your husband? I would give anything for a brief moment & I would then tell my husband and take it from there depending on his reaction. (We’ve been married 19 years too! & we don’t love each other. I guess like many couples after being together so long) But so far my 2 crushes been platonic so not worth breaking up for. I guess breaking up has one advantage you can actively look for someone (I don’t). But I tend to fancy straight women (or ones that at least think they are straight or unsure...) so wouldn’t b easy to find even if I was looking...😟

[KirstyHasLeft]

I think you can disable the email notifications. Or, at least, send them straight to junk mail.

My marriage wasn't awfully happy anyway. I now see that a big part of that unhappiness was me always having my head turned by women. My ex is quite understanding, and we are now very good friends. I am lucky it turned out like this. We co-parent our kids nicely, and he still calls me most days.
The coming out and separation were very hard - I cried most days. It was really one of the hardest times of my life.
I considered backing out and going back into the closet. But life in the closet was way worse, so I just stuck it out, and now I am so grateful to myself for doing it!

I am now happily single.
I still see the woman who caused all this, but there is absolutely nothing between us. It's been hard, getting over her but I had to - for my sanity. I still compare everyone to her - that's why I am still single, I guess :)
I wish I could fall in love with someone available. I miss being in a happy relationship.

[KirstyHasLeft]

@Teenagain - I am also into straight women :) It's awful.. But then - up till recently, I was also a straight woman, as far as anyone (including me) knew. Even now I look very much like a straight woman. So you never know.

[Teenagain]

It’s great you got through divorce & kept a good relationship with your husband. Now you can concentrate on finding someone.
Why do you still see that woman?
Is she still teaching your child? I don’t think you can fully get over her & find someone else if you keep seeing her even if there‘s „nothing“ btwn u...but then I don’t know you or her I guess...
I’m hoping my hubby would b understanding as well...to the extent that we wouldn’t have to divorce - Hmmm not sure u can have your cake & eat it, but that‘s what I’m hoping...First I have to find someone...well, I kindof have (amazingly without looking) but it’s heading for disaster if I don’t run away from it 😱
I’d like to tell you & ask you many things but I don’t want to say too much on this Website in case anyone who knows me looks at mumsnet...it’s a small world!
Do u know whether we can chat in private on mumsnet? Im not great at Technology 😬

[Teenagain]

It’s nice to hear your stories :-) I was like that too navyblue. Wanted to talk about her to anyone who‘d listen aaaaall the time. Still do. My poor friends were understanding & supportive first but getting fed up with it, don’t blame them. I used to b able to think/talk about other things 😬
so you are still with your husband? Is that why you are ashamed of spending the night with this other woman? Does he think it was just a phase? Mine does I think. I never told him anything but I think he kindof knows...knew with the first woman I’m pretty sure. I never even kissed her but my obsession was pretty obvious. I’ve never kissed any woman!! Just Dream about it non stop...but I don’t just want to experiment with anyone...

[KirstyHasLeft]

@Teenagain - I have sent you a private message. :)

[Closetbeanmuncher]

Have you been at the mills & boon during lockdown OP?? 😁

[StarlightLady]

This thread was started in 2010. I suspect what ever happened has been done and dusted by now!