'it was just a kiss, I didn't sleep with her'

[chloe2910]

I really don't know what to do, my partner has just been on a rugby tour to eastern Europe leaving me at home with a 7 wk old baby. I was quite happy for him to go and trusted him implicitly.

Tonight I looked at his phone, don't know why - it's just something I do occaisionally (which I guess shows I don't trust him completely, and does anyone else do this btw?) and he had 3 new messages from a 'gordon Harrison work' - 2 containing photos of him with some blonde draped all over him, sat on his lap, hands everywhere etc and obviously on 2 seperate nights out as seprate outfits, as well as ones of her in her nurses uniform at work, there was a message reading hi sweetheart, hope you got the pics, love Helena xxxxx o immediately questioned him and he said it was nothing, just a girl he met out there who was part of a group they went drinking with and he got her number to arrange the groups to meet in a bar the following night since they all for on so well, when I questioned him further asking him if he slepth with her he denied it so I asked him to swear on ds life that he hadn't and he did without hesitation, he wouldn't swear he didn't kiss her though and ended up admitting that she kissed him but it wasn't his fault ( like a 15 stone rugby player couldn't fend off an unwanted kiss). I am heartbroken and see this as a huge betrayal but je says he didn't have sex and so did nothing wrong and that I am over reacting. Any advice really welcome here as fear even ic I forgave, I might not be able to forget - am I overeacting??

You are not over-reacting to feel hurt and betrayed - I should imagine that as you have a newborn, your life is in a fair amount of turmoil and the least you could expect is for your husband to not act like a silly teenager! DH said to me once that, if it was really nothing to worry about, a man would tell you about it of his own accord (i.e. 'this girl grabbed me and kissed me on new year's eve', or something similar)(ironic really, coz he's turned out to be a lying shyte - but that's another story!). I've actually found that quite a useful bit of advice and often think of it when I read threads like yours. I hope the two of you can work it out. Good luck.

I doubt she's an 'Other Woman". Much more likely to be a prostitute.

(Sorry to offer up this realistic but probably not optimistic snippet)

My DH's friend once got incredibly pissed in a nightclub and shagged an acquaintance of mine. We were all working abroad at the time and the friend's wife was in the UK. The friend was mortified - he blanked this girl the next day, refused to discuss it with her or indeed with anyone, he was clearly very sorry (whether he was right or wrong to blank someone he'd slept with is another thread...)

But your DH has given this girl his number, she feels comfortable in sending him "friendly" texts etc. He clearly has not told her: "Look, I'm married and not interested, please fuck off and leave me alone"

I'm not saying he's lying about not sleeping with her and I'm not saying leave him or anything like that but your DH needs to be more sorry about what happened then he clearly is at the moment.

I think thats abit harsh tbh. Not all Eastern Europeans are prostitutes and the OP has already said shes sent a work picture of her as a nurse. I wouldnt call her OW either maybe she was just a girl out on a night with her mates who met some lying womanising shite out on a lads holiday. I wouldnt be directing my anger towards her tbh. And I wouldnt be ringing her either.

Dear Chloe2910
I am in the exact same position as you. I have no advice to offer, just a message of solidarity.
Thursday night, my husband came home after midnight, totally drunk. Unusually I was up too, because one of our kids was sick. (we have 2 boys, we have been married 12 years).

As he went downstairs, he missed a call on his phone, which I saw was from a girl I didn't know. So I checked his messages, which is something I have never done before, or ever felt the need to do. The first message was from this girl saying 'I love you. I had to leave to go see a band. You are my daydream'.

I confronted him straight away. He admitted he had kissed her, but has given me a few different stories about how many times, and over what time period. Suffice to say he is at his mother's this weekend. We are communicating by email.

He is very sorry, but thinks I should just give him a second chance, since it was only drunken kisses. I am seeing a counselor as soon as possible. I need to talk it out with someone. To save the children from this pain and mess, I am keeping it from them, and it's too much of a burden.

Is it coincidence that its the moment these men get found out that they are remorseful... They carry on with other women (kissing, shagging, sending them pictures.. whatever. Its all cheating) without a care in the world then suddenly as soon as they get found out they are terribly sorry and cant bare to lose their wives, will never do it again, hate themselves...

Blah blah blah bollocks. Theyre just humiliated to have been found out.

Poor you and your little bubba.

44, a serial cheater and leaving you so soon after the birth for an entertainment tour plus not even feeling remotely sorry for what he did.

I'm sorry hun but he is not perfect. Far from it. He's a cunt and a shit father, mark my words he will continue to cheat on you, you will be the next wife that gets dumped and left with 1 or 2 kids.

Be smart, tell him to leave now. He clearly has no respect for you and your feelings nor for his newborn son. He will hurt you again and again. Clearly he didn't learn his lesson the first time round.

I know a lost cause when I see one and I'm normally not a person to say 'leave him', but you are so young and have your life ahead of you. You deserve better than this. Best to kick him out now rather than go through more years of heartbreak.

OP, I'm sorry. I would be out of there with
lovely newborn. Men don't change.

Agree with all of the above. You are lucky in a way to be so young. You have so much to look forward to!

Hi, I just wondered how it was all going?