'it was just a kiss, I didn't sleep with her'

[chloe2910]

I really don't know what to do, my partner has just been on a rugby tour to eastern Europe leaving me at home with a 7 wk old baby. I was quite happy for him to go and trusted him implicitly.

Tonight I looked at his phone, don't know why - it's just something I do occaisionally (which I guess shows I don't trust him completely, and does anyone else do this btw?) and he had 3 new messages from a 'gordon Harrison work' - 2 containing photos of him with some blonde draped all over him, sat on his lap, hands everywhere etc and obviously on 2 seperate nights out as seprate outfits, as well as ones of her in her nurses uniform at work, there was a message reading hi sweetheart, hope you got the pics, love Helena xxxxx o immediately questioned him and he said it was nothing, just a girl he met out there who was part of a group they went drinking with and he got her number to arrange the groups to meet in a bar the following night since they all for on so well, when I questioned him further asking him if he slepth with her he denied it so I asked him to swear on ds life that he hadn't and he did without hesitation, he wouldn't swear he didn't kiss her though and ended up admitting that she kissed him but it wasn't his fault ( like a 15 stone rugby player couldn't fend off an unwanted kiss). I am heartbroken and see this as a huge betrayal but je says he didn't have sex and so did nothing wrong and that I am over reacting. Any advice really welcome here as fear even ic I forgave, I might not be able to forget - am I overeacting??

Chloe, what an absolute bastard to do this to you. The only thing I would say is your baby is so little that he won't be affected by the loss of his daddy - just the happiness of his mummy.

You deserve to be cherished..

Sorry Chloe, the sense I get from this is that this man feels entitled. However cool you were about him going away on tour, it really is totally selfish when you've got a 7-week old baby. Let me guess, he told you his ex wife was a jealous harridan and you have been trying desperately hard not to be like that?

The fact that he has made no contact with you today means that raher than being sorry that he has been a complete arse, actually he's angry with you for finding him out.

Men who are repeatedly unfaithful and simply keep trading in people for newer, younger models are pathetic. It's good you weren't involved in any break-up, but philanderers who think their previous infidelity was justified, really are best avoiding.

I do feel for you, having just given birth. It's totally horrible for you, especially with the holiday coming up too. I don't suppose you could go without him could you?

sorry, or she, obviously.

Can't go without him as we were going to visit his mum, although if I don't go I will tell her exactly why she isn't getting to see her grandson......

Chloe love, you are only 25. He is 44 and probably well used to playing the game if you will exscuse the pun.

He knows you can't prove it and has been slack enough to leave these things on his phone and is acting like it is no big deal.

Dont put up with this. If he is capable of cheatingon his ex then he can do it to you. Seriel cheaters don't change if they think they can get away with it.

Really!! he only kissed her?? if he didn't stop her from kissing him then he sure as hell aint gonna stop her from doing the other.

Cut now while you are young enough and find someone who will treasure you and lil person for you. Someone you can trust.

He is wasting your very young life by having a right old time of it thinking he will get away with it. Great life for a bloke travelling around doing what he likes while little lady sits at home sorting out the house and his baby.

So he knows what he is doing then. It sounds to me that either he has or was planning on sleeping with her. Personally I would call her and her thanks for sending the pictures now I know ge has been shagginv you instead if being home with me and his son.

Oooh try doing a Elin Woods and text her using his phone and say something to get her to admit it.

If he was sorry then this wouldn't be something to throw everything away over.

You're worth more than this.

Just ask yourself, would he be ok if you'd done this?

If the answer is "Yes he'd be fine, then maybe you can sort something out and redefine your relationship.

If the answer is "He'd go mental, then he is of the opinion he can do what he wants and you can't"

You deserve more.

Random quotation marks. Sorry about that.

What person is going to be fine with their partner shagging around? I dont get the question.

You are 25 he has targetted you thinking he would beable to brainwash and control you. I dont think you have fallen for it yet so I would escape while you can.

Agree with WWIFN I bet, yet again, his ex will be a nut job psycho.

Hell they are so predictable.

my serial cheating DP who is much older than me as well (yes yes, a whole thread due) has a theory that many men cheat and it's a matter of opportunity and inclination- he had both, he cheated on you with her. Once he's done this he won't stop, you'll never ever be able to trust him. You're only 25- do you want a life of being cheated on, not being able to trust your DP? Being made to feel like it's your fault..?
Sorry but I think you are worth more than this idiot and now is the perfect time to get out before you get even more stuck. Don't go to Portugal if you want to end the relationship, and tell his mum why you're not going.

Please dont go anywhere near his mother. I was involved with a man like this once and he took me out to meet his mother (turned out she met all his women) and she was in her 80's and whispered to me "I know my son" this was a woman who has stayed with a serial battering cheater all her life. Dont think she will have any sympathy for you, no matter how much you have got on with her in the past.

You know what I have a friend who is 25, it must be the age. She tends only to get involved with men in their 40's who are the same. Ive come to the conclusion that women our age wouldnt put up with this crap and thats why they target the younger ones.

Crumpette, can I ask you, are you still with your cheating partner?

I wouldn't like to try and guess one way or the other what he did or didnt do- just wanted to post and say I'm sorry you're having a rough time, not good at any time but definitely not when you have such a young one at home.
I hope whatever happens now gets resolved quickly and you can move on/past it x

Oh, another graduate of the Bill Clinton School of Adultery, I see.

I never once kissed a man and didn't also have some serious groping going on.

This guy's a player.

He's going to be a desperate, pathetic old perv when you're still young and fresh.

Bin him.

I know of several men who swore it was 'just a kiss' and actually in all of those cases it was a full sexual affair/fling. I also know one of them swore on his kids lives that he hadn't and he was lying and got caught out when she snooped further. Some just will lie no matter what even when confronted with evidence. I think there is a high chance it was more than a kiss sorry to say. That is just a feeling I get after having been through simelar with friends.

And the shagging probably isnt as good as you think it is (another reason they target the younger ones) hes passed his sell by date. Please look after your health and get a check up as soon as you get a spare minute. Arsehole could be passing anything on to you. I wonder how many older women wouldve let him go on tour in the first place? not many, I bet.

He needs to go.

It's a very hard lesson to learn but serial philanderers do not change. Do not for one moment kid yourself and expect him to be any different with you.

I wouldn't go to visit his Mum and I would tell the pair of them why, what happened and the fact that you just cannot live with a liar.

If you let this go, he will never respect you. You will just be making a rod for your own back.

Very sorry but there are plenty of decent men out there more deserving of your attention. You still have age on your side!

I think I'm in favour of texting her from his phone, as if you were him, and seeing what you can get her to admit to.

I'm sure it's wrong to do so though.

But definitely tell his mum.

His age somehow makes it worse, you and your baby are worth so much more than this sad excuse for a man - he's the same age as my DH and his view is that men of his age going after much younger women are sad and pathetic.
Older, more experienced women of his own age are much more likely to see through his charade, so he goes for easy targets.

Men like this never change, my ex-BIL is still like this in his 60's, but he has to pay for sex with young women now, in places like Thailand.

Completely agree its an age thing. He's taking advantage. I wouldnt bother texting her, and getting her to admit what? what would you say to her to get her to admit it? I wouldnt waste my time. You've seen the photographs and the fact that she sent him a photo at another time from work. Please be strong. If you back down that will be you for the rest of your life with him.

Don't waste your youth on this loser. Seriously, Mal's right. In a few years this guy's going to be so pathetic he's going to have to pay to get sex at all and you still won't be near 40.

He's a zero.

I caught my ex snogging an american girl when we were engaged and on holiday together. I couldnt get over it. Its just not what people in relationships do in my book. Getting her number and disgusing it is sneaky. I wouldnt trust him.

Helena probably doesn't know that you and baby exist. She is probably sitting out there in Eastern Europe fantasising about coming to visit this bloke she's got all wrong. It's not fair of people to label her as a slag, she's a nurse ffs who probably got chatted up and targetted by your H I'm afraid. You could give her a call to let her know and see her off, trouble is, your H is unlikely to change if he's still seeking affirmation from pulling women in his forties.

I bet her number is long gone by now.