Would you allow this?

[andtherest]

I found out that H had been going to prostitutes. We are dealing with this situation, don't want to say too much on here but we are not staying together, it was a while ago and we have been separated for a while.

However he used to do this with his best friend. This friend had been asked to be one of our dc's god father when we get them christened. I now do not want this to happen because of what the two of them did together.

H says this is unreasonable as it is not as if his best friend owed me anything. I cannot have this man as my childs godfather though. H says that he doesn't want to tell this man that he will not be dc's godfather and I should just get over it.

Opinions please.

sticking to the basics here - anyone who visits prostitutes is simply not a good role model for a growing child as - regardless of the status of the prostitute - it sends a disgraceful signal to a child (boy or girl) about the value that some men attribute to women and sex . so - wrong, wrong wrong.

OP, I wouldn't even be entering into any further discussion with your children's father about whether this mate of his will be godfather

I would telephone him myself and tell him to fuck off out of mine and my children's lives...role of GF has been withdrawn, forthwith

Not a snowballs chance in hell. TBH the fact you are even on speaking terms with your H makes you a much better woman than I - I would be so sickened and angry I wouldn't be able to speak without spitting.

The role of a Godparent is to provide guidance, be it religious or purely moral, depending on how religious everyone involved is. If I knew the individual in question had been doing something like this... To me, that is overwhelming evidence that they are not responsible or even welcome to handling the honour and duty.

I'm sure there are things my Godparents have done than I wouldn't want to know about - we all make mistakes, after all! - but this would just be too far.

I think you're being entirely reasonable. Don't even have this conversation with him; if you're not happy with it, then that's that. End of story.

OP, you should only have people as godparents that you both approve of. Its as simple as that and I would second the suggestion above regarding phoning him yourself to say "offer withdrawn". They can't force you to choose him as GF.

No way. A Godparent is supposed to give moral and spiritual guidance to the child. This man? No Way.

Agree with what people have said about men who visit prostitutes probably being rapists - they may not know it, but if they have ever had sex with a trafficked woman they have committed rape. One good reason why no decent man would ever do such a thing. Risk raping a woman for the sake of an orgasm? Cunts.

andtherest, another voice adding to the chorus of 'no we wouldn't allow it'. I'd be tempted to put off the Christening altogether, actually, and focus on getting your BH away from you (although, admirably, not your DC's)and your own life on track.

DSM - please don't be offended by Dittany. When confronted with information that doesn't tally with her very specific world view, she only has a few responses - not to read it at all/ignore it, call the person providing that information a liar, make personal remarks or suggest there is something mentally wrong with that person. She also has a habit of asking personal questions but refusing to answer any herself. And she probably won't apologise for assuming you use prostitutes, either.

tanga...that is bad form to bring resentments about a fellow poster across from another thread

you will, and should, get short shrift for doing that

You are right, AF, I apologise. I just felt DSM had been treated very unfairly and was trying to show her some support but in a jokey way.

But point taken and I really do apologise particularly to the OP who has got far more important things to worry about.

hhmm.. very bad form that.

When I read BSM's posts I read them as being written by a man justifying his use of prostitutes. That they are written by a woman who claims to work in helping prostitutes I found very surprising but I don't know whether that says more about me or her.

I certainly can't see that dittany would have anything to apologise for.

DSM, I mean..

thanks for that tanga x (I don't have a personal interest in not seeing particular posters targeted, btw)

DSM can defend him/herself on this thread if necessary, that is all

There is no way this man could even be accepted as godfather at the christening, if it ever got that far, because you don't accept him!

I accept this next point is probably wrong but I'd be tempted to have the christening without your H as well if this is his attitude.

And he thinks he respects women because he is good with DD? Ask him how he'd feel if he went into a brothel in X years time and she was there...

Thanks for all the good advice on here. As long as there is breath in my body this man will not be my child's godfather, in fact I have cancelled christening all together, it is something that can take place later on when things more settled. I just wanted to check that I was not being unreasonable as I am so often told this by the ex, actually I knew it really but wanted to get the MN take as I find it so helpful in dealing with him.

FWIW I think Dittany is great, gives sound advice and obviously knows her subject matter. She has helped me greatly on this thread and others.

All anyone has to do is look at a previous poster's history to know if they are male or female ( usually).
I thought DSM had an odd viewpoint so I checked her out, over 500 posts,definitely female, funny that.
It doesn't take a minute and saves any embarrassing mud slinging.

Good plan, ATR

Put your foot down, as you are not together, you tell this man his services are no longer required.

Hmm, lot of old threads being reanimated today, wonder what's going on?