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Original poster

Would you allow this?

95 replies

andtherest · 09/05/2010 11:53

I found out that H had been going to prostitutes. We are dealing with this situation, don't want to say too much on here but we are not staying together, it was a while ago and we have been separated for a while.

However he used to do this with his best friend. This friend had been asked to be one of our dc's god father when we get them christened. I now do not want this to happen because of what the two of them did together.

H says this is unreasonable as it is not as if his best friend owed me anything. I cannot have this man as my childs godfather though. H says that he doesn't want to tell this man that he will not be dc's godfather and I should just get over it.

Opinions please.

OP posts:
DSM · 09/05/2010 15:20

Goodness, probably around 59/60, maybe more.

DSM · 09/05/2010 15:21

That was meant to be 50/60, not 59/60.. I'm not that specific!

msboogie · 09/05/2010 15:22

"It is seriously obvious when you walk into a brothel, whether the women there are there through choice or being forced."

is it? really?

and is it seriously obvious that many men would give a damn either way?

thumbwitch · 09/05/2010 15:24

I wouldn't allow it, no. I expect my child's godparents to have a decent moral background etc. and be a good guide for him - this situation would be a deal-breaker.

Casmama · 09/05/2010 15:25

I'm so sorry to hear your story. I think if I were you I would take the bull by the horns and either phone text or email this man directly and say something along the lines of " In light of your past behaviour I feel it is utterly inappropriate for you to be a godparent to my child and would like to make it clear that I will not allow this to happen."
It would take a complete arse who would still be willing to do it after that.

Original poster
andtherest · 09/05/2010 15:28

He sounds like a man with no conscience so it would probably be better if you didn't listen to his judgement on anything.

I have been on MN a few years now and that is probably the most simple and yet best and easy to do advice I have been given with regard to H. Just completely sums him and how I should deal with him up.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Sessypoos · 09/05/2010 15:32

Dear andtherest, whatever the technicalities of brothels, this is a man who encouraged your husband to sleep with other women, endangering your marriage, your health, and the wellbeing of your entire family.

I would actually find it difficult to see him again without tearing his face off. So I think you are being VERY reasonable!

Original poster
andtherest · 09/05/2010 15:33

I actually think ex has told him my thoughts on it but that he will try to talk me round.

It is the fact that he told ds that this man would be his godfather that infuriated me, I was happy to let it lie as it was but it was just a way to wind me up I think.

OP posts:
DSM · 09/05/2010 15:42

Yes, it really is.

However, this is all by the by. I wouldn't allow him to be my childs godfather due to betrayal of trust, he actively assisted your husband in the act of infidelity, he is a man without regard for you, and therefore nit a good role model for your child.

Salbysea · 09/05/2010 15:54

if he wants to be this child's god parent, KNOWING it'll cause the child's mother pain and fan the flames of conflict between the child's parents - he's not qualified for the job is he?

Tortington · 09/05/2010 15:56

your ex h is embarrassed, so i suggest you tell the ex godfather that he really isn't up to the job in the eyes of the lord.

then kick him in the manjo

dittany · 09/05/2010 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany · 09/05/2010 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

booyhoo · 09/05/2010 16:35

DSM are you a prostitute?

Original poster
andtherest · 09/05/2010 16:55

I don't even think he is embarassed about it, obviously he wouldn't want the world to know about his antics but he certainly does not act like he is embarrassed by it to me, he acts like "this is what happens, deal with it". and then actually does things like say to ds that this man will be his godfather knowing that it will upset.

He really is the gift that keeps on giving isn't he?

OP posts:
Original poster
andtherest · 09/05/2010 16:56

PMSL @ "manjo" is well .

OP posts:
ScreaminEagle · 09/05/2010 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MamaG · 09/05/2010 17:19

I tihnk you need to kick DH in his manjo as well

msboogie · 09/05/2010 17:25

where did she say that?

Original poster
andtherest · 09/05/2010 17:25

Ex H, thank goodness and I don't think he was ever really D. I always used to be a bit referring to him as DH even when were were supposedly "together".

Fortunately his Manjo is none of my business anymore, I just feel very sorry for the next woman who gets involved with him.

OP posts:
Casmama · 09/05/2010 17:55

By DSM Sun 09-May-10 14:19:27
Rapist is ridiculous.

I don't need to think about it properly for 5 minutes. I know a fair bit about prostitution, from top end to bottom. I am all too aware of the trafficked women, and have worked for a charity that helps get them out and 'mainstreamed', and I also know countless women who actively chose their profession, albeit some of them chose from necessity (drug addicts, mostly) and some who've never touched a drug in their life.

dittany · 09/05/2010 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

msboogie · 09/05/2010 18:11

I think that would be a rather remarkable attitude for a person purporting to work for a charity helping these women, I have to agree dittany

Lotkinsgonecurly · 09/05/2010 18:15

Andtherest; this must be really hurtful for you to have to go through this. But I agree with you there is no way this friend should be the godfather. Absoloutley not. I think if it were that much of an issue I would cancel the Christening, and if people ask why, tell them.

giveitago · 09/05/2010 18:17

Yep, they're paying for sex - old as the world but they're probably paying for trafficked women who are forced into doing what they do, and does the op want the man who was his partner in what helped break up her marriage to be the godparent to her child.
No she doesn't.