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Relationships

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Original poster

would you be put off if a 35 year old bloke still lived with his parents?

53 replies

wannaBe · 05/05/2010 22:15

Having this conversation recently with my mum about someone who she said "it's such a shame he's never found anyone." He's 35, and still lives with his parents.

Would that put you off? It would me, but maybe that's just me?

OP posts:

ASecretLemonadeDrinkerDAVE · 05/05/2010 22:17

Depends on his reasons. More than likely though, yeah. Dh knows someone in their 50's !

thesouthsbelle · 05/05/2010 22:17

yes big time. Unless he'd moved out then circs meant he had to move back, other wise I wouldn't bother. (but i'm a moo)

LadyintheRadiator · 05/05/2010 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IvanaPavlov · 05/05/2010 22:19

I guess it depends...

If he was there out of necessity, e.g. split with DP or DW and needed a place to stay, that would be ok.

If he had never moved out even though he could afford to, I do find it a bit odd. I'd be open-minded but could be turn off.

abedelia · 05/05/2010 22:21

Yes - main reason I have never really warmed to my BIL is this. It is just too freakish for me to comprehend. Why wouldn't you want your independence? It's against the laws of nature! Maybe I'm just vile and judgemental...

Original poster

wannaBe · 05/05/2010 22:22

he's never moved out.

Asecret - I know someone like that in their 40s too - actually we went out for a bit when I was at school (he's five years older than me), I moved on, he didn't, in fact he never had another gf after me and still lives with his mother - lucky escape me thinks!

OP posts:

gingerkirsty · 05/05/2010 22:23

OMG yes, so this guy has never moved out because he never 'found someone'??? Ie he stayed where he was with mummy due to not finding some other poor woman to do all his cooking, washing and cleaning for him?!?!?!? I would run, fast, in the opposite direction!

thesouthsbelle · 05/05/2010 22:28

wouldn't entertain it for a minute tbh - and if he really wanted to date then i'd have to request he spent some time living on his own. aside from lack of independence there's also a lack of motivation & ambition to better himself? (pov of cushy life at home etc etc)

IvanaPavlov · 05/05/2010 22:31

Yeah, and the lack of privacy. His mum would know if he stayed over!
Too weird.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2010 22:31

yep

ameliameerkat · 05/05/2010 22:32

Again, depends on the reason. When I met my boyfriend (aged 25) he was living with his folks (he'd got a job near his hometown, so moved back in), which made sense, until he said he'd been in his new job a year. At which point I was slightly wondering why he hadn't sorted himself out with somewhere else to stay.... (especially as his folks don't stay that close to where he works). However, once we'd been together a while I learned that the reason he hadn't been in a hurry to move out was that both his parents have health issues so he has care responsibilities when he's at home. Now he's in the process of moving in with me, but it'll take a little longer until the care situation is organised around him not being there again.

But my boyfriend's is a slightly different situation to the others described!!

AnyFucker · 05/05/2010 22:34

25 very different to 35, tbh

callmeDave · 05/05/2010 22:35

It would depend on the mother parents. They might be fabulous outgoing types who live more like flatmates and all maintain their independence or his mother might be making his sandwiches, ironing his clothes and vetting his dates.

ameliameerkat · 05/05/2010 22:35

And! I agree with thesouthsbelle. A lady I work with lives (and has a kid by) a guy who lived with his Mum, and then moved in with her. And she effectively has an extra child by the sounds of it. She's had to teach him how to cook, do house stuff etc. Nightmare!

scanty · 05/05/2010 22:37

depends. It was really common where I came from as people usually only moved out when getting married, also to rent or get a mortgage was too much for many to afford on their own with low wages etc. Students also went to Uni locally and stayed with parents rather than lodgings as they do many other areas. Changed a lot now of course for the younger ones.

Reality · 05/05/2010 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Quattrocento · 05/05/2010 22:41

Does anyone with an ounce of gumption still live with their parents past the age of 21?

I mean 35? How absurd ...

Gay40 · 05/05/2010 22:49

Freak.

HappyMrsChicken · 05/05/2010 22:51

Yes

MissMarjoribanks · 05/05/2010 22:52

My BIL. Run.

Not that he appears to have any interest in 'finding someone' in any case, so you'd probably be safe.

MortaIWombat · 05/05/2010 22:53

Hell yes. Ewww.

(and my brother lived at home til he was 32. But at least he'd lived away for 5 or 6 years before that).

I'm afraid I'd assume a tendency to be a bit too spoilt for my liking, or too much of a geek to make his own way in the world happily.

2rebecca · 05/05/2010 23:46

Yes. I'm very independant and value independance in my men. A man who wanted to be looked after and mothered would be unhappy with me vice versa. The type of mother she is would make no difference.
Being an adult is about flying solo. If you don't want to do that and don't value your independance more than your home comforts then you're not the bloke for me.

wukter · 06/05/2010 00:36

Depends on the reason. But I'd probably keep away.

muggglewump · 06/05/2010 00:51

My bf lives at home, he's 37. We've been together on and off for 5 years. It's fine by me, he's 3 hours away, he comes here to visit, I've never met his parents and don't really have any wish to and he knows it.
Sure, I find it odd in that I could never do it and I'm not from a close family but he's had money/helth issues over the years and if I'm honest being a single parent (and I did not plan this) helped me get my own place, or keep it at least when ex left me so who knows where I'd be or if I'd be at home now.

It's a fairly casual thing, I mean I'm faithful as is he and we talk daily but we don't live in each other's pockets and don't want to, I'm happy to see him monthly, sometimes more, sometimes less and I have times I miss him and wish he was here, but mainly I'm fine on my own.

I'm also stubborn, selfish, need to be in charge and would be a nightmare to live with, so not only would he have to move from all his friends and family to this town, which co-coincidently I'd leave like a shot as I hate it, he'd have to get his own place here and even I wouldn't expect that.

It depends what you want from the relationship really, and I'm happy with mine how it is. I'm somewhere between single and not, erm unclassified? I dunno, I don't label it really

He's not a Mummy's boy though, no way, he's totaly independent, just shares a home with his parents though he is a geek but then I watch soaps and read gossip columns.

kickassangel · 06/05/2010 01:50

well, it's not something i'd want, but would depend a lot on the circs. a couple of my friends, living in the south east, & the cost of renting, even a room in a shared house, was so high that they hung on at home and saved like crazy. basically, there are areas of the UK where even a 'starter home' requires two incomes, and if you don't have a 'sig other' to share with, what are you supposed to do?

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