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Original poster

would you be put off if a 35 year old bloke still lived with his parents?

53 replies

wannaBe · 05/05/2010 22:15

Having this conversation recently with my mum about someone who she said "it's such a shame he's never found anyone." He's 35, and still lives with his parents.

Would that put you off? It would me, but maybe that's just me?

OP posts:
muggglewump · 06/05/2010 02:01

It would bother me if I was looking to move in with someone and they'd never been independent in their 30's, but I'm not. I doubt I'll ever live with a man, it's just not for me and neither is a conventional couple relationship.

Swanky · 06/05/2010 06:34

My DH had not left home when I met him and he was 31. Circumstances, money, the fact he had helped his mother buy the house when the father left.... he is a completely normal man though but not very well housetrained - well, as I said completely normal man

Undertone · 06/05/2010 13:22

OMG - I would run for the hills.

Now 27-year-old ExP moved straight out of his parents' home (had only lived away for 6 months a couple of years earlier - with a girlfriend) into my flat.

He could not cook, iron, work the washing machine, shop sensibly, etc. He expected me to do everything.

Long story short - he is back living with his parents now. He can easily afford to move into a flatshare, but 'he wouldn't like his space to be invaded' by other people.

If a man has a full-time job, then unless there are mitigating circumstances (like those already mentioned above), he definitely should try and live independently. It's just too, too tragic not to.

BlingLoving · 06/05/2010 13:29

It would, yes. When I was single and looking for a partner, I wanted a man, not a child. And a 35 yo living with his parents doesn't exactly reassure you that this is a person who can and does take responsibility for his own life.

It's not even about being able to cook and clean and do the washing - my brothers both moved out when they were 22 but I pity their wives nonetheless! It's definitely about a mind set and living with your parents age 35 says, "I am quite happy to coast along, make no decisions and let other people plan things and actually LIVE life".

MrsJohnDeere · 06/05/2010 13:36

Yes.

It's not my brother, is it? He is 35, has never left home, has never had a girlfriend (or boyfriend).

helyg · 06/05/2010 13:39

No it wouldn't put me off.

It is quite common around here (rural area) not to leave home until your 30s, especially for men.

I met DH when he was 32 and he was still living at home, mainly for financial reasons. He had moved out to go to college, but then came back when he finished.

He finally moved out properly aged 34 to live with me (much to his mother's horror )

ilovecanada · 06/05/2010 13:44

It would put me off. Every bloke I've known that has lived with his parents has been a complete mummies boy, incapable of doing anything for himself.

helyg · 06/05/2010 13:53

Should probably add that DH washes up, hoovers, irons, cooks, puts the washing on etc etc. So not a mummies boy who can't do anything for himself.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/05/2010 14:10

Many "boomerang" kids do move out eventually and men generally do leave home later than women do for all sorts of reasons; mainly social and financial. This I can understand and accept as there is an intention to leave eventually. However, my BIL is a different kettle of fish and no woman in their right mind would want to be with him under any circumstances!.

He is still at home with Mum and Dad (who bankroll him as he is unemployed) and he's now 47. He will never leave and his Mum and Dad have also been responsible for this sad state of affairs too.

Piffle · 06/05/2010 14:13

I know a man, my best friends uncle
Lived with his mum through uni, his astonishing career adn when she became ill he stayed and cared for her, she died when he was 64. 3 yrs ago
He married last year to a divorced woman a little younger than him and they are travelling the world together having a BALL
He is a great man... But no woman would loo at him while he was with his mum.
Last laugh though, she left him most of her shock $7 million estate (in NZ)
no kids, no mortgage
Tal about a good life now

sethstarkaddersmum · 06/05/2010 14:14

there are circumstances under which moving back in is acceptable.
eg a friend of mine moved back in with his dad, who had a heart condition, to keep an eye on him when his mum died, and to enable himself to go freelance as a human rights journalist.
All that was much to his credit IMO!

saucetastic · 06/05/2010 14:17

It's more normal in some cultures than others.
I wonder how people would react to the OP question if the genders were swapped around?

YellowDaffodil · 06/05/2010 14:40

It depends on the people.

DH and I bought our house when we were both 23 - I had been to Uni but he'd always lived with his parents. Him staying at home despite having a good job and me returning home after Uni was the only reason we had saved a decent deposit and could buy rather than rent.

If the 30 odd year old man had a stash of money and was in a position to finance a home with a partner once they found one how would posters feel?

I ask because we have a lovely friend in his early 30s who lives with his parents but having recently met the woman he describes as 'the one' will be in the position to set up home with her because he has saved the money that is the difference between what he would have paid renting and the generous board he paid his parents.

Wanderingsheep · 06/05/2010 14:43

I had a relative who lived with his parents until he died (50) last year. AFAIK he never had a girlfriend (or boyfriend) but he lived life how he wanted to live it.

IMO you leave home either because your parents do your head in and you want your own independence or you find someone that you want to live with. In his case he never found/wanted anyone and his parents were like his best mates. They went on holidays together and went out every weekend and had good times together. His father was his drinking partner.

In answer to OP though, yes I think it would put me off. I think that anyone who can stand to live with they're parents after the age of 20 is crazy!

Wanderingsheep · 06/05/2010 14:44

Sorry, their parents, not they're!

ProfessorLaytonIsMyProxyVoter · 06/05/2010 14:46

If he'd never moved out at all, and wasn't a carer for disabled parents or similar, then I would run a mile.

If circumstances had forced him to move back temporarily or he had caring responsibilities then that would be OK, although it would be a bit offputting.

motherinferior · 06/05/2010 14:48

Oooh no, no way would I be easy with that.Nor with a bloke who'd never had a serious long-term, preferably live-in, relationship by that age.

ChickensNeedOpposableThumb · 06/05/2010 14:50

It would put me off. My DB is 27 and still lives at home. My mum does all his washing/ ironing and still cleans his room for him. Then she tells me she can't understand why he's still single as he's a 'catch'. Sigh.

GetOrfMoiLand · 06/05/2010 14:52

If he had never moved out, then yes it would put me off.

My SIL's brother still lives with his parents at the age of 40. And he has a pregnant girlfriend. I just think it is beyond sad.

BarryBenson · 06/05/2010 14:53

I've hit a rough patch in my own life so I wouldn't judge. If he was there saving, planning, and being respectful to his parents I wouldn't think badly of him.

MrsJohnDeer, when my brother was 28 my mother drove him to a development of new townhouses and they walked in and looked around one. My brother thought 'these are nice, wonder why mum is looking 'round a house'. Then my Mum said to the vendor 'my son wants to buy the two bed room'....

My brother was 'oh....' But he went along with it and got into it and was very glad he bought.

Cogitoergosum · 06/05/2010 14:55

Gawd, I'd run a mile, but I'm not sure why I'm so put off by people who don't want independence from their parents once they reach the age of 18 - I was running for the hills.

My SIL lived at home with parents until she married at 26, I thought that was weird enough. Then again, she still dresses like it's 1985 (and not in a cool retro way) so she's pretty weird all round.

TheFantasticFixit · 06/05/2010 15:11

YES. Big yes. Alarm bells yes

Hullygully · 06/05/2010 15:12

not if they were hot and ablebodied

scrab806ble · 06/05/2010 15:39

Agree with Yellow to some extent.
My DH lived with pils till married me (apart from brief moving out period in his 20's) He amassed(sp) what to me was massive savings, which have been useful, when I can squeeze a penny out of him. He did not set us up in a home, but can contribute when unexpected bills come through!
He does a lot of hoovering, bit of washing up, none when I am in house for some reason, and LOADS of childcare!!

giveitago · 06/05/2010 16:40

Depends - if life was sweeter with parents running around him then no - if only for economic reasons then not so bad.

I was part of the generation that thought that if you were at home at 18 you had a serious issue - but times have changed - life is harder and more expensive.

What do your instincts tell you?

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